Hello and so so scared
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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Am going to work on it this afternoon. Taking some time to do some research seems like a good plan. And am starting to think both going to meetings and dealing with the phobia might be the way forward!
Yeah it's definitely a chidhood based thing - not sure exactly what the original trigger was but I've always had to try and hide it/ act like nothing's going on otherwise it causes upset at home. My folks just don't understand how I can be so scared.
I was drinking at home and hiding it. Chucked out the last bottle this morning. At least that felt good!
Yeah social situations do stress me out. As well as feeling sick a lot of the time am absolutely terrified of catching a stomach bug or getting food poisoning. I gave up eating meat about a year ago because it just wasn't worth the worrying about it being cooked properly. And I freak out about public transport and places where I might feel ill or pick up a bug. Honestly this is where the drinking comes in. It's exhausting being constantly worried and with drinking I got a break from being in my own head. But I know it's a crappy way to deal with it and this time I'm going to fix it!
Am so grateful for all the responses. You guys have actually saved me this morning!
Yeah it's definitely a chidhood based thing - not sure exactly what the original trigger was but I've always had to try and hide it/ act like nothing's going on otherwise it causes upset at home. My folks just don't understand how I can be so scared.
I was drinking at home and hiding it. Chucked out the last bottle this morning. At least that felt good!
Yeah social situations do stress me out. As well as feeling sick a lot of the time am absolutely terrified of catching a stomach bug or getting food poisoning. I gave up eating meat about a year ago because it just wasn't worth the worrying about it being cooked properly. And I freak out about public transport and places where I might feel ill or pick up a bug. Honestly this is where the drinking comes in. It's exhausting being constantly worried and with drinking I got a break from being in my own head. But I know it's a crappy way to deal with it and this time I'm going to fix it!
Am so grateful for all the responses. You guys have actually saved me this morning!
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
Sorry to hear about your germ-a-phobia. You didn't mention anything about pleasurable activities/hobbies that you engage in. What do you do for fun?
And don't worry. I've hidden bottles before, so you're not a freak of nature. When I was living at home I had secret compartments. Some of them were for pot, but I never had to be rushed to the hospital in an ambulance for pot.
One of the most helpless feelings is being strapped into a rolling bed, unable to even turn your head - only able to watch the ceiling lights go by as other people talk about and control what you can or can't do. Horrible. You just have to go with it and think, 'Oh God, this is going to cost way more than I can possibly afford, but I'm strapped in and there's nothing I can do about it.'
It's like a scene out of a psychodramatic film like Whose Life is This Anyway?, only you can't put it on pause to go to the bathroom.
And don't worry. I've hidden bottles before, so you're not a freak of nature. When I was living at home I had secret compartments. Some of them were for pot, but I never had to be rushed to the hospital in an ambulance for pot.
One of the most helpless feelings is being strapped into a rolling bed, unable to even turn your head - only able to watch the ceiling lights go by as other people talk about and control what you can or can't do. Horrible. You just have to go with it and think, 'Oh God, this is going to cost way more than I can possibly afford, but I'm strapped in and there's nothing I can do about it.'
It's like a scene out of a psychodramatic film like Whose Life is This Anyway?, only you can't put it on pause to go to the bathroom.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
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Have you read the book Alcoholics Anonymous? Can you relate to anything you've read there? It talks about alcoholism. silkworth.net has it online. Take a read!
We're all unique, in our own ways. When you want to really stay stopped, you'll find something that works for you.
Hugs,
We're all unique, in our own ways. When you want to really stay stopped, you'll find something that works for you.
Hugs,
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Mount Pleasant MI
Posts: 41
Kam, I could have written that post. I kept on topping up the wine because of stomach pains, and the only reason it worked is because I was getting drunker and cared less about the pain/nausea. It is a vicious cycle for sure. I was doing some CBT this summer but I didn't get very far.
I want to tell you how common this phobia actually is. And though it may be rare for us to also be alcoholics, I find that many people who suffer from any anxiety/phobia tend to self-medicate with alcohol. I recently read that emetophobia is the 8th most common kind of phobia.
Anyway, have you gone for a spell without drinking at all? I am on day 17 and I couldn't feel better. I gave myself GERD which acts up when I drink (and one of my symptoms is nausea) yet I fell off the wagon this year too. Anyway, I'd second (or third, or whatever) getting some good anti-nausea meds from your doc. I also have a scrip for ativan that i use for anxiety and it also magically works on nausea, no idea why (nervous system depressant maybe?)
BEST of luck to you, my heart goes out to you as one emet/alcoholic sufferer to another!
-anne
I want to tell you how common this phobia actually is. And though it may be rare for us to also be alcoholics, I find that many people who suffer from any anxiety/phobia tend to self-medicate with alcohol. I recently read that emetophobia is the 8th most common kind of phobia.
Anyway, have you gone for a spell without drinking at all? I am on day 17 and I couldn't feel better. I gave myself GERD which acts up when I drink (and one of my symptoms is nausea) yet I fell off the wagon this year too. Anyway, I'd second (or third, or whatever) getting some good anti-nausea meds from your doc. I also have a scrip for ativan that i use for anxiety and it also magically works on nausea, no idea why (nervous system depressant maybe?)
BEST of luck to you, my heart goes out to you as one emet/alcoholic sufferer to another!
-anne
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Mount Pleasant MI
Posts: 41
Want to add, as I read back more, during talk therapy I got down to some issues that I believe I can trace where my emet comes from. I was viciously sick with a stomach bug when I was 7 and it affected me deeply, especially the response that I got from someone who witnessed me vomiting. Also a lot of us have control issues around vomiting, as well as social anxiety that is either a result of that or bound up with it in some way. It's hard to detangle. But I was always very shy and self conscious.
Last January we had such a bad outbreak of norovirus in our school system that they closed schools for a week! I have a seven year old...I can't even tell you how dry and chapped my hands were from washing, and I barely left the house for a week.
It's torture for sure. I'm going to continue with the CBT now that I am sober.
Soldier on!
Anne
Last January we had such a bad outbreak of norovirus in our school system that they closed schools for a week! I have a seven year old...I can't even tell you how dry and chapped my hands were from washing, and I barely left the house for a week.
It's torture for sure. I'm going to continue with the CBT now that I am sober.
Soldier on!
Anne
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 236
Originally Posted by qwerrt 
Kam, I could have written that post. I kept on topping up the wine because of stomach pains, and the only reason it worked is because I was getting drunker and cared less about the pain/nausea. It is a vicious cycle for sure. I was doing some CBT this summer but I didn't get very far.
I want to tell you how common this phobia actually is. And though it may be rare for us to also be alcoholics, I find that many people who suffer from any anxiety/phobia tend to self-medicate with alcohol. I recently read that emetophobia is the 8th most common kind of phobia.
Anyway, have you gone for a spell without drinking at all? I am on day 17 and I couldn't feel better. I gave myself GERD which acts up when I drink (and one of my symptoms is nausea) yet I fell off the wagon this year too. Anyway, I'd second (or third, or whatever) getting some good anti-nausea meds from your doc. I also have a scrip for ativan that i use for anxiety and it also magically works on nausea, no idea why (nervous system depressant maybe?)
BEST of luck to you, my heart goes out to you as one emet/alcoholic sufferer to another!
-anne
I want to tell you how common this phobia actually is. And though it may be rare for us to also be alcoholics, I find that many people who suffer from any anxiety/phobia tend to self-medicate with alcohol. I recently read that emetophobia is the 8th most common kind of phobia.
Anyway, have you gone for a spell without drinking at all? I am on day 17 and I couldn't feel better. I gave myself GERD which acts up when I drink (and one of my symptoms is nausea) yet I fell off the wagon this year too. Anyway, I'd second (or third, or whatever) getting some good anti-nausea meds from your doc. I also have a scrip for ativan that i use for anxiety and it also magically works on nausea, no idea why (nervous system depressant maybe?)
BEST of luck to you, my heart goes out to you as one emet/alcoholic sufferer to another!
-anne
Since I first joined SR back in February have gone for fairly long spells not drinking at all but then a bug'll come along or my anxiety will just be really high and I'll think f* this I'm having some wine. I've got pretty bad IBS and yeah it's always worse when I'm drinking but i never learn! I do have some anti emetics from the docs but am going to go back next week and see if there's anything stronger I could have for if I'm feeling really bad!
Congrats on day 17 - that's awesome and thanks again for posting xx
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[QUOTE=renaldo;3633677]Hi Kam,
Am I correct that the implication of your avatar is the black sheep born of the white parent? Or am I reading too much into it?[/QUOTE
Nothing like that at all though I do feel like the black sheep of the family most of the time. I put up this avatar when I joined back in Feb as this was the first lamb last spring that I saw being born/ helped to deliver :-)
Am I correct that the implication of your avatar is the black sheep born of the white parent? Or am I reading too much into it?[/QUOTE
Nothing like that at all though I do feel like the black sheep of the family most of the time. I put up this avatar when I joined back in Feb as this was the first lamb last spring that I saw being born/ helped to deliver :-)
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
Originally Posted by qwerrt
Kam, I could have written that post. I kept on topping up the wine because of stomach pains, and the only reason it worked is because I was getting drunker and cared less about the pain/nausea. It is a vicious cycle for sure. I was doing some CBT this summer but I didn't get very far.
I want to tell you how common this phobia actually is. And though it may be rare for us to also be alcoholics, I find that many people who suffer from any anxiety/phobia tend to self-medicate with alcohol. I recently read that emetophobia is the 8th most common kind of phobia.
Anyway, have you gone for a spell without drinking at all? I am on day 17 and I couldn't feel better. I gave myself GERD which acts up when I drink (and one of my symptoms is nausea) yet I fell off the wagon this year too. Anyway, I'd second (or third, or whatever) getting some good anti-nausea meds from your doc. I also have a scrip for ativan that i use for anxiety and it also magically works on nausea, no idea why (nervous system depressant maybe?)
BEST of luck to you, my heart goes out to you as one emet/alcoholic sufferer to another!
-anne
I want to tell you how common this phobia actually is. And though it may be rare for us to also be alcoholics, I find that many people who suffer from any anxiety/phobia tend to self-medicate with alcohol. I recently read that emetophobia is the 8th most common kind of phobia.
Anyway, have you gone for a spell without drinking at all? I am on day 17 and I couldn't feel better. I gave myself GERD which acts up when I drink (and one of my symptoms is nausea) yet I fell off the wagon this year too. Anyway, I'd second (or third, or whatever) getting some good anti-nausea meds from your doc. I also have a scrip for ativan that i use for anxiety and it also magically works on nausea, no idea why (nervous system depressant maybe?)
BEST of luck to you, my heart goes out to you as one emet/alcoholic sufferer to another!
-anne
My chest tightened up so much during the seizure that the muscles in it hurt really bad when I use them. Getting up and lowering myself down into bed uses those muscles, as does getting from a sitting position to a standing one and reaching into a high shelf to get a dish. Once I'm seated or standing there's not much pain at all.
For some reason, the lying on my back position and the lying on my side position in bed applies pressure to the affected muscles, so even though I am not using them, it hurts enough to keep me awake.
I've reduced my alcohol consumption to just enough to be able to sleep until I can get medical supervision during detox. I'm also afraid that if I quit cold turkey I might have another seizure. This has happened to me before. So, I know that drinking any alcohol probably isn't helping things, but otherwise I can't sleep at all. But I haven't drank as much as I usually do to stay asleep all night, so last night after 40 mins. of sound sleep, I woke up and the muscles hurt even more.
I made sure I was really tired when I went to sleep (midnight), but when I woke up I had to go to the bathroom. Once I did that, I wasn't tired anymore so I whiled away the hours on this forum and doing some other stuff on the computer until 6:30am and then laid down to sleep again.
Couldn't do it. Eventually tried to sleep sitting up leaning against the wall. I got some rest, but didn't actually fall asleep.
Detox should help, and let's hope I have the courage to go through with rehab and stay away from alcohol altogether. And yes, I've been to plenty of AA meetings, read through the Big Book multiple times, and gotten a sponsor (he died).
When I get over this physical stuff, am sleeping more soundly, and as a result am more clear-headed, I want to check out some secular meetings again, so folks, please don't tell me about AA. I know all about it. Been going there on and off for at least a couple of decades. I get tired of reading and hearing the same things over and over.
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Originally Posted by renaldo
Here's some common ground I can relate to. I had a seizure last week which was probably alcohol and not eating related. The health system is moving really slowly in terms of getting everything coordinated, which includes brain scans, detox, and rehab.
My chest tightened up so much during the seizure that the muscles in it hurt really bad when I use them. Getting up and lowering myself down into bed uses those muscles, as does getting from a sitting position to a standing one and reaching into a high shelf to get a dish. Once I'm seated or standing there's not much pain at all.
For some reason, the lying on my back position and the lying on my side position in bed applies pressure to the affected muscles, so even though I am not using them, it hurts enough to keep me awake.
I've reduced my alcohol consumption to just enough to be able to sleep until I can get medical supervision during detox. I'm also afraid that if I quit cold turkey I might have another seizure. This has happened to me before. So, I know that drinking any alcohol probably isn't helping things, but otherwise I can't sleep at all. But I haven't drank as much as I usually do to stay asleep all night, so last night after 40 mins. of sound sleep, I woke up and the muscles hurt even more.
I made sure I was really tired when I went to sleep (midnight), but when I woke up I had to go to the bathroom. Once I did that, I wasn't tired anymore so I whiled away the hours on this forum and doing some other stuff on the computer until 6:30am and then laid down to sleep again.
Couldn't do it. Eventually tried to sleep sitting up leaning against the wall. I got some rest, but didn't actually fall asleep.
Detox should help, and let's hope I have the courage to go through with rehab and stay away from alcohol altogether. And yes, I've been to plenty of AA meetings, read through the Big Book multiple times, and gotten a sponsor (he died).
When I get over this physical stuff, am sleeping more soundly, and as a result am more clear-headed, I want to check out some secular meetings again, so folks, please don't tell me about AA. I know all about it. Been going there on and off for at least a couple of decades. I get tired of reading and hearing the same things over and over.
My chest tightened up so much during the seizure that the muscles in it hurt really bad when I use them. Getting up and lowering myself down into bed uses those muscles, as does getting from a sitting position to a standing one and reaching into a high shelf to get a dish. Once I'm seated or standing there's not much pain at all.
For some reason, the lying on my back position and the lying on my side position in bed applies pressure to the affected muscles, so even though I am not using them, it hurts enough to keep me awake.
I've reduced my alcohol consumption to just enough to be able to sleep until I can get medical supervision during detox. I'm also afraid that if I quit cold turkey I might have another seizure. This has happened to me before. So, I know that drinking any alcohol probably isn't helping things, but otherwise I can't sleep at all. But I haven't drank as much as I usually do to stay asleep all night, so last night after 40 mins. of sound sleep, I woke up and the muscles hurt even more.
I made sure I was really tired when I went to sleep (midnight), but when I woke up I had to go to the bathroom. Once I did that, I wasn't tired anymore so I whiled away the hours on this forum and doing some other stuff on the computer until 6:30am and then laid down to sleep again.
Couldn't do it. Eventually tried to sleep sitting up leaning against the wall. I got some rest, but didn't actually fall asleep.
Detox should help, and let's hope I have the courage to go through with rehab and stay away from alcohol altogether. And yes, I've been to plenty of AA meetings, read through the Big Book multiple times, and gotten a sponsor (he died).
When I get over this physical stuff, am sleeping more soundly, and as a result am more clear-headed, I want to check out some secular meetings again, so folks, please don't tell me about AA. I know all about it. Been going there on and off for at least a couple of decades. I get tired of reading and hearing the same things over and over.
Just so you know you've helped me a lot today so thank you!
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Have you ever tried "mindfullness?" It's helped me more than CBT, I think. I have a form of OCD and I know how anxiety feeds on itself.
I've also found that staying in the "now" and focusing on my breathing (taking slow deep breaths) helps to reduce the panicky feelings.
It takes a little work/practice to change those habitual thoughts, but it can be done. Drinking really magnifies anxiety (and gastric issues), so getting sober can only help. I feel for ya..... just try to take it easy and take it a day at a time - it's going to get better....
I've also found that staying in the "now" and focusing on my breathing (taking slow deep breaths) helps to reduce the panicky feelings.
It takes a little work/practice to change those habitual thoughts, but it can be done. Drinking really magnifies anxiety (and gastric issues), so getting sober can only help. I feel for ya..... just try to take it easy and take it a day at a time - it's going to get better....
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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Originally Posted by artsoul
Have you ever tried "mindfullness?" It's helped me more than CBT, I think. I have a form of OCD and I know how anxiety feeds on itself.
I've also found that staying in the "now" and focusing on my breathing (taking slow deep breaths) helps to reduce the panicky feelings.
It takes a little work/practice to change those habitual thoughts, but it can be done. Drinking really magnifies anxiety (and gastric issues), so getting sober can only help. I feel for ya..... just try to take it easy and take it a day at a time - it's going to get better....
I've also found that staying in the "now" and focusing on my breathing (taking slow deep breaths) helps to reduce the panicky feelings.
It takes a little work/practice to change those habitual thoughts, but it can be done. Drinking really magnifies anxiety (and gastric issues), so getting sober can only help. I feel for ya..... just try to take it easy and take it a day at a time - it's going to get better....
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
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Originally Posted by kam00096
The trouble I have is that all the techniques and logic etc go straight out of the window when I feel sick and panicky. Maybe I just need to keep at it!
I think that these techniques work when you practice them regularly. I do not have panic attacks, but a kind of a very anxious person. I used to try these techniques for a couple of days, they did not work, so I quitted them. Recently I practiced some of this for a week and got to me. It is like muscle: when you go to a gym you are not supposed to do some heavy weightlifting. It is the same about the brain.
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Originally Posted by MidnightBlue
How are you doing, Kam? Do you feel better?
I think that these techniques work when you practice them regularly. I do not have panic attacks, but a kind of a very anxious person. I used to try these techniques for a couple of days, they did not work, so I quitted them. Recently I practiced some of this for a week and got to me. It is like muscle: when you go to a gym you are not supposed to do some heavy weightlifting. It is the same about the brain.
I think that these techniques work when you practice them regularly. I do not have panic attacks, but a kind of a very anxious person. I used to try these techniques for a couple of days, they did not work, so I quitted them. Recently I practiced some of this for a week and got to me. It is like muscle: when you go to a gym you are not supposed to do some heavy weightlifting. It is the same about the brain.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 236
Well it's gone midnight here so my day one is unofficially over, though I've got a wee while left to go before 24 hours is up. I honestly don't know what I'd have done without SR today. I promise to be less scattered and more coherent tomorrow. And more involved in what's going on with you guys (today has been all me, me, me which I don't like!).
And although nothing about feeling sick is funny to me I did just have a lighthearted moment because of it. Went to check on my new hamster, Boris, and because my stomach's still upset it was rumbling really really loudly. Hammie clearly got the fright of his life from the noise. Stuck his head out of his wee house, gave me a disgusted glare and then disappeared back in in a huff. His face made me laugh for the first time today!
And although nothing about feeling sick is funny to me I did just have a lighthearted moment because of it. Went to check on my new hamster, Boris, and because my stomach's still upset it was rumbling really really loudly. Hammie clearly got the fright of his life from the noise. Stuck his head out of his wee house, gave me a disgusted glare and then disappeared back in in a huff. His face made me laugh for the first time today!
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Hey guys I hope it's ok to sort of keep this thread going a little bit longer? I figure even if no one reads it, it may help me to write things down. Also this will probably be long and rambling!
I'm on day 3 and it's been an absolute roller coaster. Yesterday I woke up feeling good. Stomach had settled way down and apart from a bit of nausea at bed time (I get that a lot, seems to just be acid) I was doing great. Today has been so much harder. Woke up with a splitting headache which has lingered all day and with me that's a toughie because headaches make me feel sick but I hate taking painkillers in case they upset my stomach. Took the painkillers anyways then worried about it all afternoon. And now it's bedtime, the headache's still there and I'm convincing myself I have a bug as I'm hot and a bit nauseous. And am listening out cos it freaks me the hell out if someone's up during the night (automatically assume they're being sick).
This is what a normal day in my head looks like! And on top of all the pointless worrying, because of not drinking any alcohol I'm super cranky and craving anything sugary like nobodies business (it's no wonder my stomach hates me - have way overdone the red bull today!)
Constant stress and nausea like this are what make me eventually snap and say 'sod it I'm having a glass of wine to give myself a break from caring if I get sick or not'. Then I'm straight back to square one.
There will be no drinking tonight (largely because there's no booze in rather than it being me making a choice!). Tomorrow will be a hard day as my mum's going in for a pre-op and I'm worried about her (and really selfishly worried about her catching something at the hospital). I'm going into town as well which just makes it so easy to get alcohol.
Am sorry, did warn you it would be long and rambling :-) Very happy to have SR to turn to!
I'm on day 3 and it's been an absolute roller coaster. Yesterday I woke up feeling good. Stomach had settled way down and apart from a bit of nausea at bed time (I get that a lot, seems to just be acid) I was doing great. Today has been so much harder. Woke up with a splitting headache which has lingered all day and with me that's a toughie because headaches make me feel sick but I hate taking painkillers in case they upset my stomach. Took the painkillers anyways then worried about it all afternoon. And now it's bedtime, the headache's still there and I'm convincing myself I have a bug as I'm hot and a bit nauseous. And am listening out cos it freaks me the hell out if someone's up during the night (automatically assume they're being sick).
This is what a normal day in my head looks like! And on top of all the pointless worrying, because of not drinking any alcohol I'm super cranky and craving anything sugary like nobodies business (it's no wonder my stomach hates me - have way overdone the red bull today!)
Constant stress and nausea like this are what make me eventually snap and say 'sod it I'm having a glass of wine to give myself a break from caring if I get sick or not'. Then I'm straight back to square one.
There will be no drinking tonight (largely because there's no booze in rather than it being me making a choice!). Tomorrow will be a hard day as my mum's going in for a pre-op and I'm worried about her (and really selfishly worried about her catching something at the hospital). I'm going into town as well which just makes it so easy to get alcohol.
Am sorry, did warn you it would be long and rambling :-) Very happy to have SR to turn to!
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Sure have Dee! Am seeing a psychologist again at the moment but have only had one session and then they couldn't fit me in for 3 weeks. Not convinced how much help she's going to be anyways as she's never heard of the phobia but hopefully she'll help with the obsessing over it! And am on an anti-depressant for the anxiety (you should see what I'm like when I'm not on it!) but I just seem to be especially bad this autumn
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Originally Posted by kam00096
Hey guys I hope it's ok to sort of keep this thread going a little bit longer? I figure even if no one reads it, it may help me to write things down. Also this will probably be long and rambling!
I'm on day 3 and it's been an absolute roller coaster. Yesterday I woke up feeling good. Stomach had settled way down and apart from a bit of nausea at bed time (I get that a lot, seems to just be acid) I was doing great. Today has been so much harder. Woke up with a splitting headache which has lingered all day and with me that's a toughie because headaches make me feel sick but I hate taking painkillers in case they upset my stomach. Took the painkillers anyways then worried about it all afternoon. And now it's bedtime, the headache's still there and I'm convincing myself I have a bug as I'm hot and a bit nauseous. And am listening out cos it freaks me the hell out if someone's up during the night (automatically assume they're being sick).
This is what a normal day in my head looks like! And on top of all the pointless worrying, because of not drinking any alcohol I'm super cranky and craving anything sugary like nobodies business (it's no wonder my stomach hates me - have way overdone the red bull today!)
Constant stress and nausea like this are what make me eventually snap and say 'sod it I'm having a glass of wine to give myself a break from caring if I get sick or not'. Then I'm straight back to square one.
There will be no drinking tonight (largely because there's no booze in rather than it being me making a choice!). Tomorrow will be a hard day as my mum's going in for a pre-op and I'm worried about her (and really selfishly worried about her catching something at the hospital). I'm going into town as well which just makes it so easy to get alcohol.
Am sorry, did warn you it would be long and rambling :-) Very happy to have SR to turn to!
I'm on day 3 and it's been an absolute roller coaster. Yesterday I woke up feeling good. Stomach had settled way down and apart from a bit of nausea at bed time (I get that a lot, seems to just be acid) I was doing great. Today has been so much harder. Woke up with a splitting headache which has lingered all day and with me that's a toughie because headaches make me feel sick but I hate taking painkillers in case they upset my stomach. Took the painkillers anyways then worried about it all afternoon. And now it's bedtime, the headache's still there and I'm convincing myself I have a bug as I'm hot and a bit nauseous. And am listening out cos it freaks me the hell out if someone's up during the night (automatically assume they're being sick).
This is what a normal day in my head looks like! And on top of all the pointless worrying, because of not drinking any alcohol I'm super cranky and craving anything sugary like nobodies business (it's no wonder my stomach hates me - have way overdone the red bull today!)
Constant stress and nausea like this are what make me eventually snap and say 'sod it I'm having a glass of wine to give myself a break from caring if I get sick or not'. Then I'm straight back to square one.
There will be no drinking tonight (largely because there's no booze in rather than it being me making a choice!). Tomorrow will be a hard day as my mum's going in for a pre-op and I'm worried about her (and really selfishly worried about her catching something at the hospital). I'm going into town as well which just makes it so easy to get alcohol.
Am sorry, did warn you it would be long and rambling :-) Very happy to have SR to turn to!
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