What do I tell people?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 3
I think as well I am guilty of pressurising people to drink with me to legitimise my own consumption - and have gravitated towards other drinkers like someone else said.
It's funny how with a clear head this all feels so 'obvious' when I didn't see it before.
It's funny how with a clear head this all feels so 'obvious' when I didn't see it before.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Down under
Posts: 84
I have often asked myself the same question and have come up with the following solution:
Person A: "Have a drink."
Person B: "No thanks, but a water would be great.
Person A: "Oh come on,one drink won't hurt."
Person B: No thanks.
Person A: But why not? It's Saturday night?
Persona B: No thanks.
Why offer them a reason? A reason gives people leverage for persuasion.
Person A: "Have a drink."
Person B: "No thanks, but a water would be great.
Person A: "Oh come on,one drink won't hurt."
Person B: No thanks.
Person A: But why not? It's Saturday night?
Persona B: No thanks.
Why offer them a reason? A reason gives people leverage for persuasion.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
I told someone recently that alcoholism runs in my family, so I don't drink.
I told them my experience was that if I put any alcohol in my system that it sets up a craving for more.
That I could start out with a little, but next thing would be running to the store to buy a bottle of vodka.
The person said immediately "Whoa, we don't need that!"
I was told that it was good that I know myself and don't drink.
I think when we invite people in ... they sometimes stand with us.
You work though, and people are cruel. Gossip is everywhere. This is all you need to have people whispering....but if it's a real family illness, which I believe it is...then you are simply taking care of a family medical/health issue. (with how you frame it)
Alcoholism runs in my family, and I have personal experience that it harms me as well.
That may be too much information for most people, but it makes good sense.
I told them my experience was that if I put any alcohol in my system that it sets up a craving for more.
That I could start out with a little, but next thing would be running to the store to buy a bottle of vodka.
The person said immediately "Whoa, we don't need that!"
I was told that it was good that I know myself and don't drink.
I think when we invite people in ... they sometimes stand with us.
You work though, and people are cruel. Gossip is everywhere. This is all you need to have people whispering....but if it's a real family illness, which I believe it is...then you are simply taking care of a family medical/health issue. (with how you frame it)
Alcoholism runs in my family, and I have personal experience that it harms me as well.
That may be too much information for most people, but it makes good sense.
lillyknitting
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Loughton, Essex, England
Posts: 638
Why can't you go out for a drink with work colleagues and drink a soft drink, why can't you drink what you like. I've never heard of such rubbish if you were choosing from a menu and everyone insisted you eat steak, or whatever, that you didn't want to eat, would you not consider this absolutely bizarre!!!
These people that you mix with sound like they've got the hangup about what you drink! Quite personally I know no one could actually care less what I drink or eat for that matter. Get shot of these people out of your life, or stand up and be strong, your sobriety is more important than any of them. Also my understanding of people in a working environment nowadays is the drinking culture is frowned upon, how can anyone do their job properly drunk?? Take care and good luck.
These people that you mix with sound like they've got the hangup about what you drink! Quite personally I know no one could actually care less what I drink or eat for that matter. Get shot of these people out of your life, or stand up and be strong, your sobriety is more important than any of them. Also my understanding of people in a working environment nowadays is the drinking culture is frowned upon, how can anyone do their job properly drunk?? Take care and good luck.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: fort wayne, IN.
Posts: 1,085
The last time I stopped drinking, at first I would'nt say anything. I would sit there with a drink in front of me and not drink it. Funny no one really noticed. A little later , I would say ,"Everytime I drink I just get stupid" That would get a laugh. Then, about 3 months into it someone brought me a bottle of expensive vodka. I thanked them for thinking of me, it was Christmas, and then I said with a big friendly smile ,"I am an alcoholic and I just can't drink" . They apologized and I reassured them that it was ok. I really was'nt offended and I did'nt want them to feel bad about their drinking.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by onlythetruth 
Lots of good thoughts here.
I'll echo all of them, and add one more: one day, you may find that one of your hard-drinking buddies asks you for help with his own problem!
I'll echo all of them, and add one more: one day, you may find that one of your hard-drinking buddies asks you for help with his own problem!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I felt like I had to say something to the friends I drank with. I didn't want them to take it personally when I turned down invitations. I didn't want to make up a lot of temporary excuses either - I wanted them to know I was done for good.
Basically, I just said I was tired of partying and feeling lousy the next day, that I felt I was drinking too much and decided it wasn't good for me. You don't have to say it like it's a "big problem" or that you think you're an alcoholic to get the message across.
Basically, I just said I was tired of partying and feeling lousy the next day, that I felt I was drinking too much and decided it wasn't good for me. You don't have to say it like it's a "big problem" or that you think you're an alcoholic to get the message across.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by Dee74
Welcome to SR 
when I first quit, I had this *huge* explanation ready for why I'd stopped.
I soon realised drinking wasn't nearly as important to other people as it was to me.
Most people really didn't care.
Even if people (like drinking buddies) do care, I learned the only thing anyone needs to know is 'no thanks'.
You can add a 'I don't drink (anymore)' if you like...you can even add a reason if you feel you have to...but it's really not necessary.
No thanks is all that's required.
If you decide to add a reason, I don't recommend using the A word indiscriminately, but I don't recommend lying either...
'I gave up because I wanted to', or 'for my health', are both truthful reasons that allow for healthy boundaries and modicum of privacy
D
when I first quit, I had this *huge* explanation ready for why I'd stopped.
I soon realised drinking wasn't nearly as important to other people as it was to me.
Most people really didn't care.
Even if people (like drinking buddies) do care, I learned the only thing anyone needs to know is 'no thanks'.
You can add a 'I don't drink (anymore)' if you like...you can even add a reason if you feel you have to...but it's really not necessary.
No thanks is all that's required.
If you decide to add a reason, I don't recommend using the A word indiscriminately, but I don't recommend lying either...
'I gave up because I wanted to', or 'for my health', are both truthful reasons that allow for healthy boundaries and modicum of privacy
D
I had some prying coworkers (drinking environment/alcohol clients) that just wouldn't let it drop until I finally said that I had some health problems with my liver & my doctor ordered me not to drink.... after I flexed & strengthened my No muscles for a bit I became comfortable with my current go to answer... No Thanks ;-) I get it though, I struggled with this one for a while too.
All of the best to you in your recovery, you deserve this.
P.S. I don't work in that drinking culture/environment anymore... happily ;-)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Actually I have found the reverse in a few situations.
I was asked why I stopped.
I replied that I just wanted to see how long Icould go without a drink.
People asked how long and I said that I would like to make it to a year if I could.
I was then asked if I was still not drinking at various social events, to which I said yes.
They asked how long and I would say 120 days now, or seven months or wherever I was.
There were two occasions when I said 'I could fancy a drink' and the person with me (both different) people looked mortified and said things like 'really do you think its wise after so long? What might happen?" and 'don't feel you have to, I don't want to be responsible for you jumping off the wagon'.
None of them know and I have made no formal announcements.
My manager keeps asking if I have anything to tell him, as I don't drink at work functions, and I just keep saying no. This has been 8 months now.
It's my business. no-one elses.
If I tell you, it's because I think highly of you, trust you and hold you in regard.
If I don't, then it's obvious what I think!
So that means I love all you guys and I tust you all very much
xxx
I was asked why I stopped.
I replied that I just wanted to see how long Icould go without a drink.
People asked how long and I said that I would like to make it to a year if I could.
I was then asked if I was still not drinking at various social events, to which I said yes.
They asked how long and I would say 120 days now, or seven months or wherever I was.
There were two occasions when I said 'I could fancy a drink' and the person with me (both different) people looked mortified and said things like 'really do you think its wise after so long? What might happen?" and 'don't feel you have to, I don't want to be responsible for you jumping off the wagon'.
None of them know and I have made no formal announcements.
My manager keeps asking if I have anything to tell him, as I don't drink at work functions, and I just keep saying no. This has been 8 months now.
It's my business. no-one elses.
If I tell you, it's because I think highly of you, trust you and hold you in regard.
If I don't, then it's obvious what I think!
So that means I love all you guys and I tust you all very much
xxx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Vancouver BC Canada
Posts: 384
Well if you don't take a stand you might have my experience , a near 50 person still in a competitive field who suffered a lot longer because I did not take a stand and simply say " Sure a Pelegrino/Perrier/Club Soda with a twist"
Lots of my colleagues drink and unfortunately some of them have seen me drink , a rather ugly sight.
The choice is yours. I worry about people who want me to drink as I think it shows a possible insecurity on their use ...why badger someone else to use if you don't need the relief of company in the misery? Even more bizarre , someone told me " I don't trust people who don't drink"...my reply " You wouldn't trust me if I was drinking"...then I recall I held that same attitude once ... a sure sign I was quite sick then.
Anyway lots of reasons these days and an easy one
" I am driving so I can't drink and don't wish to be arrested for DUI/DWI"
Lots of my colleagues drink and unfortunately some of them have seen me drink , a rather ugly sight.
The choice is yours. I worry about people who want me to drink as I think it shows a possible insecurity on their use ...why badger someone else to use if you don't need the relief of company in the misery? Even more bizarre , someone told me " I don't trust people who don't drink"...my reply " You wouldn't trust me if I was drinking"...then I recall I held that same attitude once ... a sure sign I was quite sick then.
Anyway lots of reasons these days and an easy one
" I am driving so I can't drink and don't wish to be arrested for DUI/DWI"
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Home - there's no place like Home
Posts: 974
[QUOTE=zeroptzero;3633046]It's better to tell people "I gave up drinking" and leave them wondering "why did she?" than to keep drinking until everyone is wondering "why doesn't she?"[/QUOTE
LOVE this!
LOVE this!
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
One other thing that helps is to head them off at the pass. Ask for a non-alcoholic drink before they ask. If they ask if you want a drink say sure do you have Diet Coke?
The funny one is, "No thanks I am allergic to alcohol every time I drink it I break out in hand cuffs."
The funny one is, "No thanks I am allergic to alcohol every time I drink it I break out in hand cuffs."
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Getting there
Posts: 216
I can't understand why some 'professional' people can never take 'no thanks' as an answer to a question. Seems to me that by him/her coaxing the other person into having a drink makes him/her feel ok about his/her drinking or him/her possibly feeling superior that they could coax a non drinking person into having a drink......maybe it makes them feel good cos now they have a drinking partner and it is all ok because YOU are drinking. I guess millions of 'closet' alco's exist out there, but they just have not faced up to the fact that they are alcoholics.
But excuse ME it is not Ok, it is not ok by any means, you have or we have made a decision not to drink and absolutely nobody has the right to tell us what we should do......just because it satisfies his/her wishes that you need to drink.or you should drink.....because for some inane reason. You have made a decision not to drink...PERIOD and stick by it.
But excuse ME it is not Ok, it is not ok by any means, you have or we have made a decision not to drink and absolutely nobody has the right to tell us what we should do......just because it satisfies his/her wishes that you need to drink.or you should drink.....because for some inane reason. You have made a decision not to drink...PERIOD and stick by it.
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