Happier

I am still working through my own process of dealing with alcohol. However, I also have great concern for a cousin who has obvious drinking issues. Has anyone had luck brining up the topic in an attempt to help someone else out in this situation?

I believe her immediate family has some concerns but they really are not too supportive as they all drink as well. There is a history of untreated alcoholism in her family and I hate to see her continuing down that road.

Here's why I ask. I drank for years. During that time, only two people ever said anything at all to me that would indicate that they thought I may drink too much. It was uncomfortable at the time and I did not stop then. However, I now remember them very clearly and fondly since they at least tried something.....ANYTHING....even if it was just one sentence or one question. I can't help but feel that maybe I should be that person for my cousin. Her drinking has been progressing for years and I am starting to wonder, "If not me, then who will try to help?" Others closer to her should but they just don't. I'm starting to wonder if it is getting to late.

Any tips or experience out there.

FreeFall

I'm going through the same thing with a close friend. She's in denial and so are her closest family members. She's progressed to drinking during the day, on the job,hiding it (she thinks), and has had recent scary hospitalizations. They can't seem to find what's causing her issues, but those of us closest to her know it's the drinking-every symptom she has can be traced to alcohol. I've tried sharing my experiences with quitting, I've tried to talk to her about hers a little bit in a supportive way too. I agree, you do remember the people that were brave enough to mention that it might be a problem, whether you want to hear it or not. It's kind of scary if no one mentions it too, it must be a huge problem if no one can bring it up right?

I think all you can do is be there for her and be supportive. Share your positive experiences, be honest about your concerns if an opportunity opens up. She has to want to change and that's the hard part. Nothing you can do to make her get there. It's awful to sit by and watch, and it's wonderful you want to help her. Maybe someone will come up with something that will help us both help them...

Mizzuno

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dSober

Tell them about this place and AA if they don't aleady know but do it tactfully. DON'T PREACH; inform. Don't do it more than once.

onlythetruth

I can only say what I have done in similar situations, and continue to do.

When there is someone in my world who is struggling with a problem I've overcome (addiction to alcohol, an eating disorder) I reach out to them. I tell them what I've observed, and that I'm concerned about them. I tell them that I've been down the road they are on and found a way out.

That's it. I let the next move be theirs. I don't chase them down.

Sometimes, they do make that next move. Then I tell them my story, and we take it from there. I always try to let people know about all the options out there today to help us heal.

The number of options is really a wonderful thing, by the way. Back when I had my ED there was no treatment--none at all. Back when I quit drinking things were stuck in the "one size fits all" mindset. We still have a way to go, but there's so much hope now, and it's such a good message to be able to give someone who is in pain.

Hexipuff

I just lead by example I guess. I share my joy at my sobriety in a gentle way.
I am a believer that if you push the issue it does not usually have the desired result.
I know that if someone had approached me when I was drinking and told me what they had observed etc I would have gone into full anger mode and dug my heels in on the matter.

choublak

I don't think there is a way to do this, and it doesn't matter what you say or what you don't say, an alcoholic is going to drink until he/she decides to stop.

dSober

How about telling him/her you're an alcoholic and what you're doing about it. That puts you on, and gets you right off, the hook (you did something to help, probably all you can do). It puts the ball in their court, where it belongs, and has to end up anyway, as Choublak alluded to.

After that, answer their questions, if there are any. If not wait for another time.

dSober

Damn Mizzuno, didn't notice before but you're a real witch :-)

misskris

Although I got sober on my own and my family didnt have a big drinking problem like I did, other members of my family have issues with food. I exercise regularly and dont eat any of the same food that they do because I eat very healthy. I am worried about my mom and my brother being overweight but every time I say something they shrug it off. But I think the best thing that has been helping recently is being a really good example to them and when my mom talks about exercise I am very supportive and tell her I will go with her if she needs a buddy and encourage when she is eating something healthy in a non condescending way. Just like with food, alcohol, drugs, behaviors...they have to want to change first (unfortunately) and being supportive and nonjudgmental may just be the best thing for the time being... :S