REALLY glad I found this place!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 162
Originally Posted by Delilah1 
My kids are 5,7, and 9. I haven't shared anything with them, due to their age, but I know I will need to share in the future since alcoholism runs on both sides of their family.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Hey dsober!
I just turned 60 and grew up in Stamford CT and had to work the weekend of Woodstock. I wanted to go but no one realized how big and wild it was going to be. I was 17 that year. Port Chester and White Plains were where we drank as the age in NY was 18 and 21 in CT. I had a fake ID since age 15. My boys are 39 and 37, and my youngest Granddaughter is 14!
Anyway y'all are right about this being an upbeat community. I do have fun, and am serious about my sobriety. When I needed a shoulder to lean on they never let me down. I try not to either.
I just turned 60 and grew up in Stamford CT and had to work the weekend of Woodstock. I wanted to go but no one realized how big and wild it was going to be. I was 17 that year. Port Chester and White Plains were where we drank as the age in NY was 18 and 21 in CT. I had a fake ID since age 15. My boys are 39 and 37, and my youngest Granddaughter is 14!
Anyway y'all are right about this being an upbeat community. I do have fun, and am serious about my sobriety. When I needed a shoulder to lean on they never let me down. I try not to either.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
If you could do it that long before Delilah, you can do it again. Sounds like you did it 3 times no less. Also sounds like you just needed the right motivation. Let me see if I can help you there...
While my substance abuses (various) started when I was about your age; they really didn't impact my life much, or so I thought, until the last few years. Looking back now though, I believe my daily weed smoking for 25 years or so probably made me lazier than I would have been. I still tend to procrastinate often and I suspect weed may have been a factor there. I really don't know. Other substances were occasional for me and never became much of a problem.
Except alcohol. As my wife told me many times, my problem with alcohol was that when I drank, I drank too much. She was right. What neither of us saw coming however was my much more frequent use of alcohol. When it became more frequent, I drank the only way I knew how. Lots. I'll save the "what drove me to this" for another time. Point is I drank how I wanted to drink; lots. Only now, I was doing it every day. From there, I progressed rather quickly to 1-2 quarts of cheap vodka a day.
Did that make my troubles go away? Yeah, briefly. But they kept coming back. Only worse and worse every time.
Isms run on both sides of my family too. My wife's parents both drank but not what I would call severely. They were both functional. My mother drank pretty severely later in life, but doesn't drink now. My dad also drank, but again, not severly. His ism is gambling. That one can be severe and in his case it was/is. I really don't know which, we haven't spoken in years (yet another story for some other time).
Isms killed my wife about 2 years ago. Alcohol was definitely a factor but in her case it was mostly tobacco. She'd had a lot of problems with her lungs and one day they just stopped working. She was 51. That may sound old to some but it's not. My grand parents both lived into their 90's. Anyway, I called 911 and a cop popped in literally less that 60 seconds later. He immediately tried to revive her, sending me out to his trunk for a resuscitator. He kept working on her for the 15 minutes it took the ambulance to get here. When they took her, I asked the cop "How does it look?" He shook his head at said: "Not too good". I already knew, she was dead.
Ok, now to focus back in on you Delilah. I know the main reason you're here is for your kids. Well, I can tell you, my wife WAS a good mother, but not any more.
As for the isms passing along, my oldest daughter (22 now) had her "party" period. I know for sure I was partly reponsible for that. She over drank for 2 or 3. I speak to her daily, and I think she's through it, living in a dry county in Texas doesn't hurt, I sure hope so. She attended few meetings with me so at least she knows where to turn if she needs it.
My son and youngest daught are 18 & 17 now, respectively, and I don't believe either of them are abusing. I think I know what to look for and I don't see any signs. I hope their mother dying and seeing the hell I've been through, and put them through, will scare them off, forever.
But your life is obviously your call Delilah. We can all only share our experience, strength and hope with each other; then hope for the best for all of us. We can defeat the substance monster if we choose to.
While my substance abuses (various) started when I was about your age; they really didn't impact my life much, or so I thought, until the last few years. Looking back now though, I believe my daily weed smoking for 25 years or so probably made me lazier than I would have been. I still tend to procrastinate often and I suspect weed may have been a factor there. I really don't know. Other substances were occasional for me and never became much of a problem.
Except alcohol. As my wife told me many times, my problem with alcohol was that when I drank, I drank too much. She was right. What neither of us saw coming however was my much more frequent use of alcohol. When it became more frequent, I drank the only way I knew how. Lots. I'll save the "what drove me to this" for another time. Point is I drank how I wanted to drink; lots. Only now, I was doing it every day. From there, I progressed rather quickly to 1-2 quarts of cheap vodka a day.
Did that make my troubles go away? Yeah, briefly. But they kept coming back. Only worse and worse every time.
Isms run on both sides of my family too. My wife's parents both drank but not what I would call severely. They were both functional. My mother drank pretty severely later in life, but doesn't drink now. My dad also drank, but again, not severly. His ism is gambling. That one can be severe and in his case it was/is. I really don't know which, we haven't spoken in years (yet another story for some other time).
Isms killed my wife about 2 years ago. Alcohol was definitely a factor but in her case it was mostly tobacco. She'd had a lot of problems with her lungs and one day they just stopped working. She was 51. That may sound old to some but it's not. My grand parents both lived into their 90's. Anyway, I called 911 and a cop popped in literally less that 60 seconds later. He immediately tried to revive her, sending me out to his trunk for a resuscitator. He kept working on her for the 15 minutes it took the ambulance to get here. When they took her, I asked the cop "How does it look?" He shook his head at said: "Not too good". I already knew, she was dead.
Ok, now to focus back in on you Delilah. I know the main reason you're here is for your kids. Well, I can tell you, my wife WAS a good mother, but not any more.
As for the isms passing along, my oldest daughter (22 now) had her "party" period. I know for sure I was partly reponsible for that. She over drank for 2 or 3. I speak to her daily, and I think she's through it, living in a dry county in Texas doesn't hurt, I sure hope so. She attended few meetings with me so at least she knows where to turn if she needs it.
My son and youngest daught are 18 & 17 now, respectively, and I don't believe either of them are abusing. I think I know what to look for and I don't see any signs. I hope their mother dying and seeing the hell I've been through, and put them through, will scare them off, forever.
But your life is obviously your call Delilah. We can all only share our experience, strength and hope with each other; then hope for the best for all of us. We can defeat the substance monster if we choose to.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
LOL Itchy. Yeah I guess the massive turn out at Woodstock was a big surprise for most everyone. Frankly, I don't remember if I even knew about it when it happened, probably not, just a wee bit too young.
Big CONGRATS on your grand children. I'm dying to have some myself. Hopefully, not literally :-)
I was born in Port Chester but left there way too young to remember it at all. Looked like a nice little town. I worked in White Plains for a while not too long ago until I let alcohol take that job away from me. Much bigger town. I discovered Whole Foods there as we went there for lunch a couple times. A bit pricey but wow, what a nice market.
Big CONGRATS on your grand children. I'm dying to have some myself. Hopefully, not literally :-)
I was born in Port Chester but left there way too young to remember it at all. Looked like a nice little town. I worked in White Plains for a while not too long ago until I let alcohol take that job away from me. Much bigger town. I discovered Whole Foods there as we went there for lunch a couple times. A bit pricey but wow, what a nice market.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Oops, last post shoulda read: "Looked like a nice little town, when I was up there Tuesday".
P.S. Drinking age here in NJ is 21 too. I wonder if it's still 18 in NY. I also wonder if they're still open until 4AM like they were then. Not enopugh to find out first hand though :-)
P.S. Drinking age here in NJ is 21 too. I wonder if it's still 18 in NY. I also wonder if they're still open until 4AM like they were then. Not enopugh to find out first hand though :-)
Recovered from Hopeless State
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Yep, Hevyn, that's it. I didn't recognize the spelling at first but when I said it to myself, it came right back to me. Cool place.
Not surprised the drinking age went up. Good. Not that we need active drunks anywhere but we sure don't need kids just learning to drive being able to drink legally. Duh.
Not surprised the drinking age went up. Good. Not that we need active drunks anywhere but we sure don't need kids just learning to drive being able to drink legally. Duh.
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