Day one
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: denver CO
Posts: 72
Day one
Well it has finally come to this. I love my kids, i have four of them and would like to see them grow into adulthood. My last binge,i hope, was yesterday. The last thing i remember was reading the bible and watching football drinking my spiked gingerale. Then my daughter tells me this am how angry i was,yelling and slamming doors...i don't know,i woke up peacefully in my bed,not on the stairs like sometimes, so i tnought i did ok. My daughter says i need to quit this drinking. I had to go check and yep the 5th of vodka was gone. How did that happen? My husband basically says i need to find my stopping limit and just drink water. I don't think he understands. I went to work today,felt fine asusual, well maybe not 100%...worked a 12 hr shift, thinking about what i need to do all day. So here i am.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Well I have been down that road to many times ... AA saved me from way of living, cause after trying that way for 20 years I know it didnt work....
And when I had work and could even go by the end, I now call what I was doing on the job absenteism. Not till getting sober and being sober did I know how much my performance really suffered..
And when I had work and could even go by the end, I now call what I was doing on the job absenteism. Not till getting sober and being sober did I know how much my performance really suffered..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Welcome to SR notsleeping...I think it's time to give it up....That kind of drinking doesn't get better with time...Only worse....I had to quit fighting it and commit to a recovery program with support from people like me...I use AA also...15 months without a drink. Glad you are here!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by notsleeping 
Yeah thx its been bad for a long time. Done some really bad things along the way. Need better coping skills. Need to figure out what i am trying to cope with...lol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: denver CO
Posts: 72
At times my anger gets the best of me and i don't know why, or what sets it off. Its like when i don't or can't drink and the anxiety sets in and i loose control. Everything just goes faster til i can calm down with one simple drink, which is better after the 4th or 5th. And i make them myself. I know how much i need to get right. Ya know.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: denver CO
Posts: 72
Im so embarassed to let it get this bad and so ashamed of the things i've done. Especially cause my kids know so much. I gotta get them right. I don't wanna ruin their lives. I am so stupid!! Whatta fat mess this is!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Well I know what one drink means for me notsleeping....Because once I have one I don't stop....I had a lot of anger too....And Selfishness....Dishonesty....Resentment....I had to work on all that stuff....The ISM in alcoholism....I, Self and Me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by lilgolden73
I feel your pain! Disgusted with myself and life!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: denver CO
Posts: 72
I have tried it once,yearz ago, wasn't ready i guesz. I don't know if i could truely speak in front of people. I really have a hard time with that. I know a whole lot of people i work with who go and i wa ouldz zbe terrified to meet up with one of them. NOBODY there knows any of this.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Most recovery methods have online options now...you might like to check out AVRT too - no meetings at all with that...
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players including AA...I think it's good to look at the links and at least know your options:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
D
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players including AA...I think it's good to look at the links and at least know your options:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Hello and welcome
Many people tried to tell me that all I needed to do was 'cut down' and 'get a stop button' etc, and I tried to do that for a long time. I believed that was all I needed, too. The reality was that once I started, I couldn't stop, and this was true pretty much every time I drank. It is SO much easier not drinking at all than it is trying to limit. After 1 or 2 drinks my body used to scream for more, it was an awful feeling and very difficult (mostly impossible, in my mind) to deny. Since I've quit, I've never had that problem life is so much easier without the constant struggle.
I hope you stick around... there is so much support on offer here.
Wishing you all the best x
Many people tried to tell me that all I needed to do was 'cut down' and 'get a stop button' etc, and I tried to do that for a long time. I believed that was all I needed, too. The reality was that once I started, I couldn't stop, and this was true pretty much every time I drank. It is SO much easier not drinking at all than it is trying to limit. After 1 or 2 drinks my body used to scream for more, it was an awful feeling and very difficult (mostly impossible, in my mind) to deny. Since I've quit, I've never had that problem
life is so much easier without the constant struggle. I hope you stick around... there is so much support on offer here.
Wishing you all the best x
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