halfOK

Hi everyone...

I've tried and failed to quit drinking multiple times over the last few months. Before, I was scared, because I knew I drank far too much (and it's gotten ridiculous recently). Now I'm terrified because I know that it's not just that I haven't tried to quit. It's that I can't.

Despite all this, I'm successful at my job, and have a lot of wonderful close friends. I haven't dated in ages but that's the only social side effect. I keep it to nights and weekends and am good at acting more or less sober. Or picking forgiving people, maybe.

I think I need to go into rehab. I think I need to be forced to stop, even if it's just for a week or so, just a little bit to get me clean so that I can think rationally.

But that's impossible! How on earth can a person disappear for two weeks without telling their family and friends what's going on? I can't do that (tell anyone). My worlds are too connected, I could lose a lot if this became a known fact. And things are going to well. But I need this to end.

How on earth do I deal with this??

miiichael

I'm sorry that you're going through this.
Could you say that you're taking a vacation?
They wouldn't necessarily have to know.

RobC420

Why can't you tell your friends and family?

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR HalfOK

I felt like I couldn't quit too. I had tried for 3 years and just couldn't do it. What helped me was coming here posting regularly (helped keep me accountable to someone) and AVRT. I was continually battling with my alcoholic voice and it kept winning. AVRT taught me to recognise it and let it go. Acceptance and all that.

I would have loved to go to rehab but I would have had to take time out from work and I couldn't face having to explain myself. But the decision had to come from me anyway. I had times where I wasn't able to drink but it was external circumstances and as soon as I got back home I just went back to drinking like I usually did.

But saying that I did have to disconnect from friends anyway to recover. There was no way I could have got sober if I continued going out all the time.

Have you looked into any recovery programs before? Maybe throwing yourself into that could help you avoid the need for rehab if that's what you want x

SeekSobriety

My thoughts on the matter would be this.
Have a honest talk with your Doctor about how much you drink and your concerns. See if you can stop drinking with a outpatient recovery program which would allow you to continue working.

I would look up local AA meetings, There are usually many meetings each and every day, in person and phone and internet meetings as well.
If you go to one meeting every day, arrive 15 minutes before a meeting and stay 15 minutes past a meeting, Raise your hand as a "newcomer", Introduce yourself to some people, begin to read the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and find a temporary sponsor to begin to lead you through the 12 steps of recovery, you may just find your life will change in ways you could never have imagined.

To find a local meeting in San Francisco

Find a Meeting - www.AASF.org

For a local meeting in other states and cities try
Alcoholics Anonymous : Local Resources that provide A.A. Meeting Information

It works if you work it.

Vall

Dear halfOK,

sorry to hear that you are suffering.

As I don't know your reasons for not being able to tell your family/friends all I can say is this must be extremely lonely for you and you have come to the right place for support.

You however must put yourself first and if you feel that you need inpatient help then you must get it...I am sure your family and friends love you very much and as hard as it may be for them to understand your problem, I am sure they will want you to be better no matter what.x

MycoolFitz

Its up to you. I told my family when I went in 3o daze they were supportive causethey knew I was messed up. When you know you are a drunk so does everyone else.

MythOfSisyphus

I feel for you, halfOK. You sound a lot like me. I hold down a job and really excel at, and I maintain a 3.9 GPA. But underneath the surface I was barely holding it together. One slip and I think I'll slide under the waves forever.

I can't give much advice because I'm new to being sober, but for me it all changed when I decided I wanted to stop. For years I've known this ride couldn't last forever; ultimately I was gonna have to chose between stopping and dying. Up til now it was frankly a toss-up in my mind. But recently the worm has turned. I'm almost ready to graduate and I don't want to die. Nor do I want to live half-ass.

You may be in a different boat than I am, but I also thought I was very "high functioning." But you might be surprised by just how great it's not going.

We obviously can't offer medical advice but maybe you should talk to a doctor. If s/he feels it appropriate there are a couple of prescription drugs that can either block the "high" you get from your fix or actually short circuit the cravings. Maybe medical intervention could buy you the breathing room you need.

We are both in the same boat in wanting to stay on the DL. There are some good reasons that I don't want to "come out" as having quit. If nothing else there's always the blanket "personal situation" that you can appeal to. You don't have to be too specific.

Best of luck and welcome to SR.

Dorris

You can quit drinking by do it one day at a time, please don't think the only way possible is in Rehab for a week or two.

You have already told your self that's not an option, so becareful you don't give yourself permission to drink until you get the chance of rehab.

Speak to your doctor, contact AA, keep close to these boards, there is always some to offer some support and advice.

I was you 18 days ago, it's not easy but the only choice I have is taking it one day at a time.

Thinking of you x

halfOK

Thanks everyone...

It's not that my friends and family wouldn't be supportive. And it's not like I think I've got everyone fooled. Of course people know when someone close to them has a problem, and I know people in my life are well aware. But there are problems and then there are Problems. It is definitely a Problem, and they might suspect that, but I don't think anyone can be sure because I do my best to keep it minimal. And if I say it, then it becomes a fact, and if that fact comes around to my employer, then I'm scared for my career.

I guess it's true though that rehab doesn't have to be the only option. But I'm just so disappointed in myself having tried so many times and failed. So I guess it just sounds so ideal to have someone lock me up and keep me from hurting myself for a little while. Part of this probably is that I'm in night grad school as well, so between my job and a few classes per semester I pretty much have no time off. Every time I try, just the mood swings and such that happen during the first couple of weeks throw me so off that I end up drinking again to stop myself being fuzzy-headed and out of it. It's messed up but I can get through my work & assignments better when I'm hungover than when I'm 3 - 5 days sober. And when you're stretched thin like I am, I never feel like I have that time to spare.

So i just find myself thinking that if I had a week where everyone would just leave me alone, maybe I could do this...

IndaMiricale

I highly recommend just getting to a AA meeting. And telling them how you feel. You will be amazed how many people thought the same thing about losing there career.


You will get immediate help and guidance.. Or keep trying to hide it from people and let it progressivly get worse and lose your job for sure..

You can do it.

MythOfSisyphus

Don't rule out medical help. They see this all the time. Maybe you're not in an ideal situation to quit but don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.

Threshold

I have no idea if rehab IS the answer for you, but I do want to point out one thing I "hear" in your situation.

You are willing to risk your life by continuing to drink. You are putting your health, happiness, job, friend ships and education at risk by continuing to drink. You are putting the quality of your life at risk.

You are not willing to risk (and most people who have done it would attest it's a much smaller risk) to go to rehab and make a huge investment in your entire future well being, which will most likely result in more security and happiness in all the areas I mentioned above.


An honest but private reason to offer friends: "I feel stressed and overwhelmed by life and I need to take some time to get myself together"

As far as the job goes, what you might tell or not tell them varies somewhat with the sort of company you work for.

I once signed myself into a psych hospital and missed two weeks of work and told them I had a flare up of a chronic medical problem. True but maintaining my privacy.

My friends (outside of work) did know, but they were friends. And close friends truly want what is best for us.

frances2011

So glad you are here and that you shared what's going on. I believe there multiple paths to full, complete sobriety and Recovery. I used SR and the multi-daily check-ins with my March 2011 monthly thread. Still do and it's easy from my phone.

I put my sobriety first, above all other priorities for the first crucial weeks and early months. It was hard but it made it possible for me to get to bed sober, wake up rested.

Every day sober, I had a few extra pennies of energy that I could put towards my sobriety and starting to make the changes needed to make it permanent.

My experience is that I was honest with my doctor and she was completely compassionately helpful. My life changed for the better that day.

Sending you good wishes!