I present myself, day 3 is done :) Thanks AA.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Quebec
Posts: 72
I present myself, day 3 is done :) Thanks AA.
Happy 24 hours all.
Just finished my third day. Most symptoms gone.
And to my surprise, the beast in me woke up this afternoon, as I feared it would soon enough. I have so so many times feared this return in the past, and failed and failed, and always failed in the fight. And I won this time. I calmed it down. Having the phone number on me helped. Carry it with me everywhere. Been to AA twice this week, going back again at the end of the week. It is for much in the control I could manifest this afternoon, to not blow my brains out with beer and smokes till I fall. I now know that these cravings have an end, and pass by. And know that it will always come and haunt me back, must learn to live with it I guess? Learning to deal with emotions, sober..
So I present myself. H. And I'm an alcoolic.
Been drinking for like 15 years, mostly on, never stopped more than a month, and before that was in drugs, all of them mostly & needles with heroin and coke. OVerdosed once, woke up at the hospital (first image I saw was the blick of my heart beat. Remember telling to myself all jokingly, hey! this is my heartbeat!). No one spoke to me (who speaks to a dirty punk dude), or of what had happened, was uplugged and brought breakfast. My clothes were in a hump on the floor. I got up, dressed and left. Never liked hospitals. And continued using. I stopped the junk one night in a bar by making a pact with myself, that I would stop junk right now (was mostly coke at that time), and drink instead (did not yet dring that much, was in full comitment to drugs). Told myself booze was legal at least, was way better...
Was I wrong
. Could of died a second time at least when I passed out in a snow bank in a certain january of hypothermia, walking back, or trying to, to my place. Police sent by who knows picked me up and sort of save me I guess at that time.
Saved by the bell again.
But it took years, years of regularly waking up on the floor of my place, not knowning how I came back, or how the night ended... sometimes with bad bruises, once a broken hand... all this shame.. Lost my permit, by chance never hurt anyone.. Lost relationships... Lost friends.. And all the while keeping it inside, working and not telling no one of the problems. Friends were used to bring me back totally wasted, when they were patient enough. Took a long time for all this to be enough for me to finally decide to chose myself, and honesty, towards myself, and others...
Will try now to regenerate my mind and my body and spirit to the best of my ability.
I know I can. We people are made tough.
With love, someone can go a long way. And starting to love yourself is the first beautiful step of the dance of really living.
Wolfram
If spelling mistakes are apparent, Its because of my Ipad, big fingers, and a "you need much patience" touch keyboard
Just finished my third day. Most symptoms gone.
And to my surprise, the beast in me woke up this afternoon, as I feared it would soon enough. I have so so many times feared this return in the past, and failed and failed, and always failed in the fight. And I won this time. I calmed it down. Having the phone number on me helped. Carry it with me everywhere. Been to AA twice this week, going back again at the end of the week. It is for much in the control I could manifest this afternoon, to not blow my brains out with beer and smokes till I fall. I now know that these cravings have an end, and pass by. And know that it will always come and haunt me back, must learn to live with it I guess? Learning to deal with emotions, sober..
So I present myself. H. And I'm an alcoolic.
Been drinking for like 15 years, mostly on, never stopped more than a month, and before that was in drugs, all of them mostly & needles with heroin and coke. OVerdosed once, woke up at the hospital (first image I saw was the blick of my heart beat. Remember telling to myself all jokingly, hey! this is my heartbeat!). No one spoke to me (who speaks to a dirty punk dude), or of what had happened, was uplugged and brought breakfast. My clothes were in a hump on the floor. I got up, dressed and left. Never liked hospitals. And continued using. I stopped the junk one night in a bar by making a pact with myself, that I would stop junk right now (was mostly coke at that time), and drink instead (did not yet dring that much, was in full comitment to drugs). Told myself booze was legal at least, was way better...
Was I wrong
. Could of died a second time at least when I passed out in a snow bank in a certain january of hypothermia, walking back, or trying to, to my place. Police sent by who knows picked me up and sort of save me I guess at that time.Saved by the bell again.
But it took years, years of regularly waking up on the floor of my place, not knowning how I came back, or how the night ended... sometimes with bad bruises, once a broken hand... all this shame.. Lost my permit, by chance never hurt anyone.. Lost relationships... Lost friends.. And all the while keeping it inside, working and not telling no one of the problems. Friends were used to bring me back totally wasted, when they were patient enough. Took a long time for all this to be enough for me to finally decide to chose myself, and honesty, towards myself, and others...
Will try now to regenerate my mind and my body and spirit to the best of my ability.
I know I can. We people are made tough.
With love, someone can go a long way. And starting to love yourself is the first beautiful step of the dance of really living.
Wolfram
If spelling mistakes are apparent, Its because of my Ipad, big fingers, and a "you need much patience" touch keyboard
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Thank you for sharing
I used to say I should of been dead. But I have come to understand that is not the case or I would be. I was meant to be alive and sober and help another alcoholic.
I have been in severe car wrecks, bar fights with knifes pulled and stabed. Guns pointed in my face, Fell from the thrid story balconly.
Our own god's look out for alcoholics more than anyone I truly believe..
Keep going and growing.
I used to say I should of been dead. But I have come to understand that is not the case or I would be. I was meant to be alive and sober and help another alcoholic.
I have been in severe car wrecks, bar fights with knifes pulled and stabed. Guns pointed in my face, Fell from the thrid story balconly.
Our own god's look out for alcoholics more than anyone I truly believe..
Keep going and growing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Quebec
Posts: 72
Thank you everey one!! Thank you Copperfield, tried to reply but still too low post count, too new on SoberRecovery.
One more day done!
I was wondering, is it possible to arrive late at a AA meeting?
One more day done!
I was wondering, is it possible to arrive late at a AA meeting?
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