qwerrt

I am reaching out again because my life has spiralled out of control again. I am worried for my health. I made an appointment with my doctor for next week and labs to be drawn today or tomorrow.

I'm feeling shakey and poor appetite but not as bad as it's been in the past. I am worried that I will finish the last of that bottle of wine if I don't watch it. My husband is getting tired of my behavior. I drove drunk yesterday.

Sorry for the ramble. Any encouraging words would be welcome.

Needsassistance

Finishing that bottle certainly won't be worth it. Is there a meeting you can attend today? Will hel you get started while waiting on your dr?

Anna

Welcome, and I'm really glad you're reaching out for support.

And, good for you for taking the step to see your dr.

Why not get rid of the bottle of wine and any other alcohol in your house? It might help.

qwerrt

yeah I know I should get rid of it.

one of the problems I have is that my husband drinks too, bourbon, which I don't care for but found myself sipping the last time I tried to quit the wine.

I just need to surrender.

There is one AA place in my little town that I know I could go to but I didn't really care for it the last times I went; I"m a very socially anxious person and have trouble sitting in group meetings even when totally sober, never mind detoxing! So I'm leaning in here.

Thank you both for responding.

qwerrt

and of course I blew it. Feeling shaky and dizzy, got one under the belt. I feel so helpless in the face of this addiction.

I managed to go 14 hours.

Needsassistance

It's not helpless qw. If could and can do it, anyone can. Hang around here for a while, a lot of great people with all kinds of successful experiences.... all willing to help you.

qwerrt

Thank you needsassistance. I feel better now but I know it's because I put some alcohol back in the old bloodstream. I'm dreading what my numbers are going to be.

Needsassistance

No use worrying about the numbers, they are what they are. I would focus on not drinking more today and putting together a plan to not drink tomorrow. I would encourage you to put together a plan to not drink. If your concerned abut detoxing try and see your dr sooner, or go to the er?

trikuza

qwert, I avoid meetings for the same reasons you do. What helps me the most is constantly reminding myself of why I need to stay sober. When I think of all the negativity that drinking has brought me, I know why I have to stay away from the booze!

qwerrt

I have a scrip for ativan, rarely use it....I'm getting the labs done tomorrow. We will see then. My plan to ease off last time ended up sending me on a bender. So I know that will not work!

Sapling

This is from a site about going to your first AA meeting....I think there is a lot of truth to it.

Fear is the great enemy of recovery from alcoholism and indeed from any serious addiction. Intensely negative emotions such as fear, shame, and guilt obstruct the road to recovery and detour the alcoholic-addict away from what is good for him(for example, AA meetings, therapy, rehab) and toward what is bad for him(isolation, secrecy, alcohol and drugs). Even when a person has supposedly "hit bottom" as a consequence of his addiction and sincerely, desperately desires to overcome it and begin leading a healthy life, the painful and aversive affects of shame, guilt and fear often conspire with his addiction to thwart him and bring his hopes to naught. In all too many cases the fear of the steps necessary for lasting recovery may be greater than the alcoholic's fear of relapse into alcoholism, resulting in the familiar "On again, off again" pattern many alcoholics and addicts display as they begin to flirt with but not yet commit to recovery.


Source...

Your First AA Meeting<