Should I tell my family?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
Should I tell my family?
My family is very close and we are all great friends. But, I know that my sisters and parents have given me the look before that I have had too much to drink. I am taking my daughter to my parents in VT for a long weekend, and my sisters and their spouses will be there. I am not sure what I should say regarding my drinking, or just not say anything. My dad and I usually share a drink after dinner, and then I would have a lot more. Not sure what to say. I feel like if I tell my parents that I might be an alcoholic they will think they did something wrong raising me. I am 34, and no one has a drinking problem in my family. It is my fault, and started drinking because of anxiety and depression. I told my sister how much I drank and she could not believe it. Not sure if I should say something or just say “no thanks.” I am only on day 10. I wish my wife was going, but she has to work on Monday next week.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
Hi WWG,
I agree with Mrs King, just tell them you've stopped drinking, if they ask why you can tell them you're doing it for health reasons, or to get fit, which is true anyway. Best to tell them though, then they won't be offering you alcohol.
Sounds like you're in for a good weekend though, with your family, enjoy it.
Gxx
I agree with Mrs King, just tell them you've stopped drinking, if they ask why you can tell them you're doing it for health reasons, or to get fit, which is true anyway. Best to tell them though, then they won't be offering you alcohol.
Sounds like you're in for a good weekend though, with your family, enjoy it.
Gxx
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I am snickering because in my family telling my sister is like putting it as a headline on the Wall Street Journal.
I have found it is much easier if you tell the close people you TRUST the truth. It puts everyone on notice you have a problem and they can he help gaurd your sobriety. We are only as sick as our secrets.
I have found it is much easier if you tell the close people you TRUST the truth. It puts everyone on notice you have a problem and they can he help gaurd your sobriety. We are only as sick as our secrets.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by MIRecovery 
I am snickering because in my family telling my sister is like putting it as a headline on the Wall Street Journal.
I have found it is much easier if you tell the close people you TRUST the truth. It puts everyone on notice you have a problem and they can he help gaurd your sobriety. We are only as sick as our secrets.
I have found it is much easier if you tell the close people you TRUST the truth. It puts everyone on notice you have a problem and they can he help gaurd your sobriety. We are only as sick as our secrets.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I have not told anyone and I am over 7 months now.
I see that it is my battle to fight and I will fight it how I see fit.
I have been on two holidays, one with my parents, one all inclusive where you could have drank until you died for free, a wedding, numerous work events where boozing is encouraged and again free, and still told no-one about my problem.
I have simply said that I have set myself a challenge to stop drinking for a year.
People don't even ask now why I am not drinking. They just do not associate me with drinking anymore, which is nice.
It's up to you. You don't have to make any from the heart confessions now or ever if you don't want. After all, actions speak louder than words.
By the way, this is not your fault. This is a disease. It's no more your fault than if you were diagnosed with cancer. Yes there is some personal responsibilityin to take in your recovery but it is a disease.
xxxx
I see that it is my battle to fight and I will fight it how I see fit.
I have been on two holidays, one with my parents, one all inclusive where you could have drank until you died for free, a wedding, numerous work events where boozing is encouraged and again free, and still told no-one about my problem.
I have simply said that I have set myself a challenge to stop drinking for a year.
People don't even ask now why I am not drinking. They just do not associate me with drinking anymore, which is nice.
It's up to you. You don't have to make any from the heart confessions now or ever if you don't want. After all, actions speak louder than words.
By the way, this is not your fault. This is a disease. It's no more your fault than if you were diagnosed with cancer. Yes there is some personal responsibilityin to take in your recovery but it is a disease.
xxxx
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I am a big AA fan and part of our recovery is giving to others what was so freely given to us. We call it service work. While I certainly do not broadcast that I am an alcoholic I do not hide it either. I want people to know that a happy successful person can also be an alcoholic. By doing this people reach out from time to time to ask questions about addiction or AA. I have never had anyone take me up on an AA meeting but that is in God's hands not mine. I lived in the secret world full of same and guilt for too long and I am tired of it. I am what I am so deal with it
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Notheast US
Posts: 524
WWG:
You know your family better than we do. If you just say "no thanks", will they leave it at that? If so, then that would probably be the way to go.
Even this past week, you were saying that your wife still thinks its ok for you to have just 3 beers. This makes me uncomfortable for you.
The other thing that jumped out at me was "I feel like if I tell my parents that I might be an alcoholic. You're giving yourself wiggle room here...the AV is talking. The rational voice would have said "I am an alcoholic" or "I have a drinking problem." This kind of chatter going on in your head is making it difficult for you.
Congrats on day 10...keep it going!
You know your family better than we do. If you just say "no thanks", will they leave it at that? If so, then that would probably be the way to go.
Even this past week, you were saying that your wife still thinks its ok for you to have just 3 beers. This makes me uncomfortable for you.
The other thing that jumped out at me was "I feel like if I tell my parents that I might be an alcoholic. You're giving yourself wiggle room here...the AV is talking. The rational voice would have said "I am an alcoholic" or "I have a drinking problem." This kind of chatter going on in your head is making it difficult for you.
Congrats on day 10...keep it going!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Coastal Massachusetts
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by SlimSlim
WWG:
You know your family better than we do. If you just say "no thanks", will they leave it at that? If so, then that would probably be the way to go.
Even this past week, you were saying that your wife still thinks its ok for you to have just 3 beers. This makes me uncomfortable for you.
The other thing that jumped out at me was "I feel like if I tell my parents that I might be an alcoholic. You're giving yourself wiggle room here...the AV is talking. The rational voice would have said "I am an alcoholic" or "I have a drinking problem." This kind of chatter going on in your head is making it difficult for you.
Congrats on day 10...keep it going!
You know your family better than we do. If you just say "no thanks", will they leave it at that? If so, then that would probably be the way to go.
Even this past week, you were saying that your wife still thinks its ok for you to have just 3 beers. This makes me uncomfortable for you.
The other thing that jumped out at me was "I feel like if I tell my parents that I might be an alcoholic. You're giving yourself wiggle room here...the AV is talking. The rational voice would have said "I am an alcoholic" or "I have a drinking problem." This kind of chatter going on in your head is making it difficult for you.
Congrats on day 10...keep it going!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Indiana
Posts: 145
WWG,
I have been very open with my family about my alcoholism and my recovery. (FYI – I have 5 bro’s & sis’s (we range from 46 to 54 yrs old), and both parents are deceased. My dad died summer 2011, and stepmom died last week.) But I see my siblings often (especially in the last year due to estate matters), and we are pretty tight. They all knew that I drank way too much. It was pretty obvious to anyone who was around me. So I was not ashamed or embarrassed to let them know that I had quit drinking and had started to go to AA. I told this to my oldest sister when I was 3 days into my sobriety (today is day #63), and she was thrilled/amazed, as if it was an answer to her prayers directly from God. I gave her permission to tell my other siblings. At that time, I also gave my sister my entire liquor collection and several cases of beer that I had in the house; told her to get it all out. Did not care what she did with it, just that I did not want it around. It helps that there has been no beer or liquor in my house for ~2 months.
My siblings all have been very supportive, and they all have been praying for me. I take great comfort and solace in that. They tell me that I look so much better (healthier), and that they can tell I’m definitely more fit spiritually. So far, they have not drank around me, but that’s not unusual, because they don’t drink that much anyway. My one brother however has been my drinking buddy, and I’m not sure how that’s going to go when I see him. Probably pretty well, as he’s OK with my quitting.
I can, however, understand your uneasiness with visiting your dad and not being able to have a few drinks with him. I used to see my father several times a week, and would usually have a few highballs with him while there. It was kind of our tradition. Problem was, he’d have maybe 2, but I would have 3 or 4 (doubles), and proceed home and have several more. We also would typically have a few highballs after coming out of the woods from deer hunting, especially if one of us had a deer down. Kind of a “ritual” thing. So, for me, it would have been a little harder to quit drinking while my dad was still around, but I would have just told him that I needed to quit for health reasons. He would have understood.
For me, it is easier that everyone knows. I don’t feel like I need to keep secrets from them. I am blessed to have such a loving family. I bet your family will be as supportive and as understanding as mine has. Good luck, hang in there, and stay SOBER 1 day at a time!
Johnny
I have been very open with my family about my alcoholism and my recovery. (FYI – I have 5 bro’s & sis’s (we range from 46 to 54 yrs old), and both parents are deceased. My dad died summer 2011, and stepmom died last week.) But I see my siblings often (especially in the last year due to estate matters), and we are pretty tight. They all knew that I drank way too much. It was pretty obvious to anyone who was around me. So I was not ashamed or embarrassed to let them know that I had quit drinking and had started to go to AA. I told this to my oldest sister when I was 3 days into my sobriety (today is day #63), and she was thrilled/amazed, as if it was an answer to her prayers directly from God. I gave her permission to tell my other siblings. At that time, I also gave my sister my entire liquor collection and several cases of beer that I had in the house; told her to get it all out. Did not care what she did with it, just that I did not want it around. It helps that there has been no beer or liquor in my house for ~2 months.
My siblings all have been very supportive, and they all have been praying for me. I take great comfort and solace in that. They tell me that I look so much better (healthier), and that they can tell I’m definitely more fit spiritually. So far, they have not drank around me, but that’s not unusual, because they don’t drink that much anyway. My one brother however has been my drinking buddy, and I’m not sure how that’s going to go when I see him. Probably pretty well, as he’s OK with my quitting.
I can, however, understand your uneasiness with visiting your dad and not being able to have a few drinks with him. I used to see my father several times a week, and would usually have a few highballs with him while there. It was kind of our tradition. Problem was, he’d have maybe 2, but I would have 3 or 4 (doubles), and proceed home and have several more. We also would typically have a few highballs after coming out of the woods from deer hunting, especially if one of us had a deer down. Kind of a “ritual” thing. So, for me, it would have been a little harder to quit drinking while my dad was still around, but I would have just told him that I needed to quit for health reasons. He would have understood.
For me, it is easier that everyone knows. I don’t feel like I need to keep secrets from them. I am blessed to have such a loving family. I bet your family will be as supportive and as understanding as mine has. Good luck, hang in there, and stay SOBER 1 day at a time!
Johnny
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
I was blessed by ending up in a 90 day rehab. Everybody knew Bob was a drunk then.. no secrets. The weight was lifted on my (only to me) secret life.
In truth, I didn't want to admit my drinking problem because then I would be expected to do something about it.... know what I mean ??
Are you in a recovery program?
All the best.
Bob R
In truth, I didn't want to admit my drinking problem because then I would be expected to do something about it.... know what I mean ??
Are you in a recovery program?
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by walkingwithgod
My family is very close and we are all great friends. But, I know that my sisters and parents have given me the look before that I have had too much to drink. I am taking my daughter to my parents in VT for a long weekend, and my sisters and their spouses will be there. I am not sure what I should say regarding my drinking, or just not say anything. My dad and I usually share a drink after dinner, and then I would have a lot more. Not sure what to say. I feel like if I tell my parents that I might be an alcoholic they will think they did something wrong raising me. I am 34, and no one has a drinking problem in my family. It is my fault, and started drinking because of anxiety and depression. I told my sister how much I drank and she could not believe it. Not sure if I should say something or just say “no thanks.” I am only on day 10. I wish my wife was going, but she has to work on Monday next week.
If i told my family my brother would say whats the problem, my sister would shrug, my 90 yr old dad would caution me on driving, and my wife would say - no wonder why you act stupid and cant remember ****.
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