Avra

Thanks Amy. I looked into AA about a year and a half ago (my last real attempt), but I think this time around I will try RR. you are right changes need to happen and ithink i will start to get back into crafts. I have also signed up for a few courses, like kayaking, archery and pottery. It should be a busy fall for me.

Avra

Jeni thanks for the advice. I think i might start a journal

Southerner

I hear you. I came to the same conclusion, which is, okay, I am going to go to a therapist, but other than that I am just not going to drink. It really does boil down to that--whatever you personally choose for outside assistance, and then just not drinking.

However, you can be a bit more planned and proactive. Avoid being bored, avoid doing the same things you have done in the past which have led to drinking, have activities in mind for those times when you get antsy (and you WILL get antsy and start thinking about it). Anticipate the feelings of weakness and compulsion that will arise, and know how you want to deal with those.

I use exercise, cooking, and reading. When I get that feeling of, hey, it's a nice day to sit at a cafe and drink wine, I get on my bike and ride very hard. I take peaceful baths with music playing and a candle lit, and I also use bath salts that smell like mint. Relaxes me and takes my mind off any urges.

I guess those are the plans I am talking about, just having an idea of little tactical things you are going to do to fulfill that ultimate goal, which is just not to drink.

Hope this helps!

Avra

I had a moment and almost did it.There was left over booze from yesterday. My mind started on that dangerous road and heck, i am hungover a few today wouldnt be that bad, then start tommorow.

I had even convinced the hubby it would be ok. We were all set to go out and have a few today. Then i stopped and said no. He was happy to support and not do it and he poured the rest of the booze down the drain.

I have never made up my mind before and then changed it. Once i make decisions like that i almost feel locked in. The anticipation of the drink like a rising tide. So glad this time i did. Its a turning point i need.

Anyway, we made popcorn watched a show and had a nice relaxing evening. So glad i didnt do it!

pipparina

Good decision. Don't you feel better that you didn't give in to the urge?

TM75

Avra, I'm on day one as well after a monumental screw-up. I really can't remember anything about these last few days but I do know how desperately I want to quit.

We can do this together. Let's both go through today without picking up a drink. W can do this.

Dee74

I would always say 'I have no real plan but to not drink' or 'just try harder'...

and while that intent is great...it often broke down in the face of the many trials tribulations and temptations of my normal everyday life.

A plan - even if it's just to look at why you relapsed and what you could do better next time - is vital I think.

I think supports important too - it was vital for me to reach out for help before I took that first drink.

Think about what you can do Avra - think about things you can add to what you've been doing...think about more support....and commit to following through with whatever plans you come up with.

you can do this

D

freshstart57

Avra, you sort of have a plan of no moderation, but I think your plan needs to have a little more meat to it. Here are some things I planned to do, in addition to acceptance of no more alcohol'.

I planned to :

• Have more money.
• Lose that constant fog in my brain.
• Have a healthy glow to my skin.
• Stop hiding evidence of my drinking.
• Stop feeling guilty and ashamed of myself all the time.
• Stop feeling hungover and nauseous.
• Start sleeping soundly and waking up refreshed.
• Stop worrying about everything all the time.
• Stop wasting all that time drunk, getting drunk, or thinking about getting drunk.
• Stop feeling trapped with no way out.
• Start feeling empowered and optimistic instead of sick and hopeless.
• Start being the person I knew I was, and the person I knew I could be.

You will hear that voice, Avra, you know which one. It will tell you that tomorrow is fine, what's another day, I deserve a drink now after that day I just had. It will say that I can't quit drinking and even if I could, I couldn't do it now. It will say that I am hopeless and a failure, that I am not strong enough to do this.

Make yourself sit down for just a moment and listen hard to that voice, what it is telling you, and recognize that this is nothing more than the drive to get drunk again. If you choose to quit drinking, then this voice can have no power over you. The power is all yours.

You can do this Avra. I believe in you.

Liz45

Avra, Good for you for saying no! I wish I had more advice, but all I can offer is support at this point. I know you'll quit for good. Just keep hanging in there. PS, sorry I missed this post yesterday. I hope you're having a great alcohol free day today!

Avra

Thanks all, Its wonderful to have such support. Its mid afternoon here, had a nice, quiet day. Just starting dinner as i am having my mom over ( i really hope she doesnt bring wine, i dont think i would have it but struggling against that would probably ruin the evening).

Feeling pretty good. Been reading alot of the posts here, and i am wondering how i could have such a big problem, that I drink and blackout almost every night, but no withdrawl symptoms, other than a typical hangover headache on the first day. What is normal?

Anyway, i am glad to feel ok today, at least physically. The nagging doubts are there but i am not listening to them.

Hope everyone is well, off to make stuffed mushroom caps and try to have a nice evening.

Southerner

You are right--ignore those thoughts. You are doing great.

freshstart57

You can just accept that these thoughts will blow by you sometimes, but they are thoughts without any power or reason behind them. You have that stuff, not your AV. Your AV wants a drink? Too bad for it, now where were we? Oh yeah, those stuffed mushrooms.

Avra

Hey Freshstart, those mushroom caps were yummy!

Day 4 and hanging on. Had a dream last night about drinking: I had had a couple and was feeling sorry for myself I coudnt drink anymore. THought about changing my goals.. Glad it was just a dream but I do have problem with the "forever" part. I accept it now, but I feel like life isnt going to be as good. that I will be missing out, at dinners out, parties, social things, etc. Doing a cruise next year, how will I cope?

anyway just rambling. Hoping everyone is doing good this morning

freshstart57

I think it is your AV that is afraid of missing out, Avra, not you, because you know the truth. Social events are different now, that is true, but they are so much better. Besides, you get to remember them now. Wouldn't that be a shame to go on that cruise and have every memory fuzzed out by booze? Onward!