I do not know what to do with myself...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1
I do not know what to do with myself...
Hi everybody, first I want to apologize if I am writing at the wrong place but it is my first time writing in a forum of any kind.
I am 32 years old and I can't control my drinking. I drink since school. Maybe I was 15 years old. I liked it very much and made me feel important because all kids who drank were very popular. Anyway my drinking continued without stopping for many years. All people I go out with drink as much as me so I feel good about my drinking most of the time. But my husband does not drink as much. Usually when it comes to going out he stays home while I go out with my friends and drink myself to a point where I don't remember how I got home. He prefers it that way because when I go out and start to drink I don't want to go home for many hours and I drink and drink until I don't know what is happening around me.
About 8 years ago I stopped drinking heavy drinks and switched just to beer, because when I drink I want do drink really huge amount of alcohol and with vodka for example is impossible and I pass out really early In the evening, pathetic, I know.
Every plan I make is about how to drink more. For example, because my husband does not like to go out very often I started to invite my friends over and we drink a lot. My husband usually goes to bed around 12 and we continue until we cannot drink anymore. I have very bad hangovers, sometimes for two-three days in a row. But the worst part is that when the hangover is gone or I succeed to manage 3-4 days without drinking I feel so good that I give myself presents which are to drink again.
When I am hungry or thirsty or tired after work, my first thought is about how to drink a beer, but I never stop with one.
I guess that it is pointless to explain the stupid and awful things that I do when I am drunk, or the terrible things I sometimes say to people...
I feel like I am trapped in a never ending circle in which I drink, than I feel really bad for a day or two and than I drink again. I have not spoken about thin with anyone I know, because I am afraid that the people I get involved with my problem will start to interfere in my life and try to control me. I honestly don't know what to do and how to live life without drinking. HELP me please!
I am 32 years old and I can't control my drinking. I drink since school. Maybe I was 15 years old. I liked it very much and made me feel important because all kids who drank were very popular. Anyway my drinking continued without stopping for many years. All people I go out with drink as much as me so I feel good about my drinking most of the time. But my husband does not drink as much. Usually when it comes to going out he stays home while I go out with my friends and drink myself to a point where I don't remember how I got home. He prefers it that way because when I go out and start to drink I don't want to go home for many hours and I drink and drink until I don't know what is happening around me.
About 8 years ago I stopped drinking heavy drinks and switched just to beer, because when I drink I want do drink really huge amount of alcohol and with vodka for example is impossible and I pass out really early In the evening, pathetic, I know.
Every plan I make is about how to drink more. For example, because my husband does not like to go out very often I started to invite my friends over and we drink a lot. My husband usually goes to bed around 12 and we continue until we cannot drink anymore. I have very bad hangovers, sometimes for two-three days in a row. But the worst part is that when the hangover is gone or I succeed to manage 3-4 days without drinking I feel so good that I give myself presents which are to drink again.
When I am hungry or thirsty or tired after work, my first thought is about how to drink a beer, but I never stop with one.
I guess that it is pointless to explain the stupid and awful things that I do when I am drunk, or the terrible things I sometimes say to people...
I feel like I am trapped in a never ending circle in which I drink, than I feel really bad for a day or two and than I drink again. I have not spoken about thin with anyone I know, because I am afraid that the people I get involved with my problem will start to interfere in my life and try to control me. I honestly don't know what to do and how to live life without drinking. HELP me please!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Home - there's no place like Home
Posts: 974
Welcome to SR, emanuellaa - you have made a great first move in joing up with others who have very similar experiences. You will find lots of encouragement and success here. I would like to reassure you that there is life without drinking alcohol. It's a great, full, rewarding life - welcome to it! 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Welcome to SR emanuellaa...Your story sounds a lot like mine....I didn't have any luck quitting on my own...Plus I like being around people....So I got sober and made new friends in AA. I like it. Here is a little that they say about alcoholism....It rang a bell for me. Glad you found the site...It's a great place for online support!
Chapter 3
MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
Chapter 3
MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Emanuella,
You are definitely in the right place. There are plenty of people here who know just how you feel and have been through similar experiences and the same downward spiral. I'm glad you found us. This is a wonderful community that can support you in your journey to get control.
If you like, you can post to the "Class of September" thread. This is where a group of people who have decided to get sober this month are gathered to support each other. Some of us are brand new to recovery, others have tried more than once, but we are all committed.
You CAN live life without drinking.
And it will be a much better life because you will feel that you are in control again.
Welcome!
You are definitely in the right place. There are plenty of people here who know just how you feel and have been through similar experiences and the same downward spiral. I'm glad you found us. This is a wonderful community that can support you in your journey to get control.
If you like, you can post to the "Class of September" thread. This is where a group of people who have decided to get sober this month are gathered to support each other. Some of us are brand new to recovery, others have tried more than once, but we are all committed.
You CAN live life without drinking.
And it will be a much better life because you will feel that you are in control again.
Welcome!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome emanuellaa
Getting sober can be a terrifying prospect - but you're among friends here - we understand
You'll get a lot of response here - and some advice - but in the end, you have to make your own decisions... noone's going to try and control you here - it's your job to run your own life...
a little help never hurt anyone tho....
SR helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you too
Glad to have you with us
D
Getting sober can be a terrifying prospect - but you're among friends here - we understand
You'll get a lot of response here - and some advice - but in the end, you have to make your own decisions... noone's going to try and control you here - it's your job to run your own life...
a little help never hurt anyone tho....
SR helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you too
Glad to have you with us
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
One of the things you said was how your friends drink like you...And not your husband...It was the same for myself and my ex wife....I was real good at picking friends that drank like I did....I think it made me feel less guilty. I didn't do anything about my drinking and my ex got tired of it and left after 17 years....I don't blame her...I drank 10 more years after she left. I got to the point where I either die from it or stop for good....I took plan B. I had to put some distance between my old friends....More like drinking buddies....And start working on a new life....And they haven't changed at all....Maybe someday.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to the family! 
Lots of support and understanding here. I hope you can quit for good. I stopped drinking almost three years ago and my life is better than it's been for a long time.
Lots of support and understanding here. I hope you can quit for good. I stopped drinking almost three years ago and my life is better than it's been for a long time. Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
Welcome, sounds like you found the right forum.
If you really, really want to quit here's a suggestion. Print out your post and take it with you to an AA meeting. After the meeting starts and the chair asks if there are any newcomers, raise your hand and read your post word for word.
Your life will change.
If you really, really want to quit here's a suggestion. Print out your post and take it with you to an AA meeting. After the meeting starts and the chair asks if there are any newcomers, raise your hand and read your post word for word.
Your life will change.
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