Terrible past few days..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 415
Terrible past few days..
3 days ago I made the decision to quit using drugs for good and I was starting school the next day so I thought it could be a fresh start.
That night I felt so nervous and anxious for school that I resorted to huffing gasoline in my backyard. The next day I went into school determined again to make the school year a fresh start. Before 1st period even started I found myself ditching school with a friend to go get high..
Later that evening I took the rest of the pills I had and told my self that tomorrow I would be done.. After that I wasn't feeling to much from the pills, as my tolerance is so high, that I went to store and got more and ended up drinking 3 bottles of cough syrup. I blacked out and kept floating in and out of consciousness and had horrific visions of death and the devil, my room was full of evil and I kept waking up throughout the night not knowing what was going on or who I was. When I was finally somewhat lucid but still extremely messed up, It was 6:30 AM almost time for school.. I was so paranoid and shooken from my experience I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life, I felt like I had all these disturbing images from the night burnt into my memory. I called my mom and she took me to the hospital.
I promised her that this was it. She told me she's heard that one before and she doesn't know what to do anymore..
Today my short-term memory is very poor and it was very hard to get through school. I'm feeling very depressed and I have no motivation but I'm going to an NA meeting tonight..
That night I felt so nervous and anxious for school that I resorted to huffing gasoline in my backyard. The next day I went into school determined again to make the school year a fresh start. Before 1st period even started I found myself ditching school with a friend to go get high..
Later that evening I took the rest of the pills I had and told my self that tomorrow I would be done.. After that I wasn't feeling to much from the pills, as my tolerance is so high, that I went to store and got more and ended up drinking 3 bottles of cough syrup. I blacked out and kept floating in and out of consciousness and had horrific visions of death and the devil, my room was full of evil and I kept waking up throughout the night not knowing what was going on or who I was. When I was finally somewhat lucid but still extremely messed up, It was 6:30 AM almost time for school.. I was so paranoid and shooken from my experience I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life, I felt like I had all these disturbing images from the night burnt into my memory. I called my mom and she took me to the hospital.
I promised her that this was it. She told me she's heard that one before and she doesn't know what to do anymore..
Today my short-term memory is very poor and it was very hard to get through school. I'm feeling very depressed and I have no motivation but I'm going to an NA meeting tonight..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
What happened at the hospital?
Are you going to be getting any treatment? Any help for quitting?
You can do this. You can be clean and sober and live a fulfilled life, one that isn't full of highs and lows. Believe in yourself. You WANT to go to school and you WANT to be clean. Those two things are very important, and so long as you have that then you can do it.
I'm so pleased you're going to NA. I hope you find it to be a good source of support.
I hope things get better for you very soon, Jake.
Are you going to be getting any treatment? Any help for quitting?
You can do this. You can be clean and sober and live a fulfilled life, one that isn't full of highs and lows. Believe in yourself. You WANT to go to school and you WANT to be clean. Those two things are very important, and so long as you have that then you can do it.
I'm so pleased you're going to NA. I hope you find it to be a good source of support.
I hope things get better for you very soon, Jake.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
I am glad your going to a meeting , but maybe look into going to in patient for bit..
You really can learn the tools you need and also for the first 30,60,90 days you can be safe from yourself..
You really can learn the tools you need and also for the first 30,60,90 days you can be safe from yourself..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I also think an in patient rehab would be a good way for you to go. A controlled environment where you are monitored and safe from dangerous drugs or people. Then getting the prep you need for a recovery program like NA when you leave. I can't even imagine trying to go to school like that...I wouldn't make it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,336
jakec,
I'm really sorry the beginning of your school year didn't turn out like you hoped. Have you considered not hanging out with old friends, ones who get high? It is hard to change, when surrounded by people who do the very thing we are trying NOT to do.
Huffing gasoline is very dangerous! Please do not do it. I feel for both you and your mother. I'm glad you're going to a NA meeting tonight....go every day and keep posting.
I'm really sorry the beginning of your school year didn't turn out like you hoped. Have you considered not hanging out with old friends, ones who get high? It is hard to change, when surrounded by people who do the very thing we are trying NOT to do.
Huffing gasoline is very dangerous! Please do not do it. I feel for both you and your mother. I'm glad you're going to a NA meeting tonight....go every day and keep posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 415
Originally Posted by MrsKing 
What happened at the hospital?
Are you going to be getting any treatment? Any help for quitting?
Are you going to be getting any treatment? Any help for quitting?
Also I'm going to be going to an 84 day in-patient program in upstate New York.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by jakec
They didn't do anything for me at the hospital because im not old enough to go into detox and I wasn't suicidal so I didn't qualify for a psychiatric evaluation..
Also I'm going to be going to an 84 day in-patient program in upstate New York.
Also I'm going to be going to an 84 day in-patient program in upstate New York.
Tell your mother to drop you off at the 84 day rehab and don't let you back into the house for 85 days. Don't f' around until you die or kill yourself.
All the best.
Bob R
Wow jake thats awesome that your gona get help!! Im in upstate ny and its an awesome time of year here youll get to enjoy our fall, sober and drug free good for you!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 1,067
I too had a similar experience to the one that you speak of. I woke in the middle of the night and I saw them, evil spirits enveloping me. It was truly the most terrifying experience of my life. I could feel them pulling me into the abyss, quite literally. The only way that I was able to get the devil and his minions off of me was to get on my knees and surrender everything away to god... my higher power. It worked right there that very minute. Instantly they vanished. God protected my soul. My mind and body were still broken however and it took me quite some time to begin to recover those. The treatment facility will most certainly help you with those. Listen to what they tell you, especially the other recovering addicts that they will have working there. Listen and do what they say. It will save your life my friend. God bless and take care, I look forward to hearing more from you soon!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
