Waking up
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 22
Waking up
I have lived so many years "o.k'ing" my drinking. It was ok because the person I was with was doing the same thing or worse (drinking more). It was ok because I was doing it at home, not in public. It was ok because I was stressed out.
I would wake up so many mornings and ask out loud, "Why did I do that?" (meaning, why did I drink so much last night when I knew it would make me feel miserable this morning?)
All my life I have pretended like all of this was ok, even normal.
Last week when I over-drank (again) after doing very well with controlled drinking for a while, my cell phone rang at 2:30 in the morning. In trying to answer it, I got up and fell in the closet. My husband made me laugh the next day because he said he woke up and all he saw were wiggling feet sticking out of the closet.
It's funny, but not at the same time. I told him I need to quit -- this isn't working.
It's like I'm moving to this other level, waking up to reality, waking up to the fact that I do not have control and I'm not as together as I think and pretend to be.
It feels kind of good to be imperfect, flawed and awake. . . or at least more awake.
I would wake up so many mornings and ask out loud, "Why did I do that?" (meaning, why did I drink so much last night when I knew it would make me feel miserable this morning?)
All my life I have pretended like all of this was ok, even normal.
Last week when I over-drank (again) after doing very well with controlled drinking for a while, my cell phone rang at 2:30 in the morning. In trying to answer it, I got up and fell in the closet. My husband made me laugh the next day because he said he woke up and all he saw were wiggling feet sticking out of the closet.
It's funny, but not at the same time. I told him I need to quit -- this isn't working.
It's like I'm moving to this other level, waking up to reality, waking up to the fact that I do not have control and I'm not as together as I think and pretend to be.
It feels kind of good to be imperfect, flawed and awake. . . or at least more awake.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome to SR Jasmine 
You'll find lots of support here. I remember (and sometimes not) falling everywhere. One time into the glass shower doors.
I'm happy to hear your giving sobriety a chance...it's a life saver.
Best Wishes To You!
You'll find lots of support here. I remember (and sometimes not) falling everywhere. One time into the glass shower doors. I'm happy to hear your giving sobriety a chance...it's a life saver.
Best Wishes To You!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Welcome to SR
For a long time I thought everything else was the problem - me, others, locations, whatever - rather than the actual alcoholic. When I realised that it was the alcohol and nothing else, and that the only way to be OK was to get rid of alcohol entirely, my life totally changed.
You'll find much support here. We have all been in your position and know how tough it is. Believe in yourself. If I can do it, you can too.
All the best x
For a long time I thought everything else was the problem - me, others, locations, whatever - rather than the actual alcoholic. When I realised that it was the alcohol and nothing else, and that the only way to be OK was to get rid of alcohol entirely, my life totally changed.
You'll find much support here. We have all been in your position and know how tough it is. Believe in yourself. If I can do it, you can too.
All the best x
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