Razzle

I have just crawled down that bread crumb trail back to my addiction for the past three weeks. It started innocently then that part of me takes over and I am in IT!!

When I am in it I feel like I lose all connections to my spirit. My prayers are dead – my inner voice is silent and I feel totally alone.

It is like the addiction part of me block all spiritual connections – in fact I am repulsed by the thought of God and spirit when I am in my addiction. Just when I need spirit the most it is silent!!

Am I alone in this – anyone else feel this way.

BruceJ

Yep...

I always thought that spirituality was a Vertical connection between me and God. Everyone else could go suck eggs.
It's been brought to my attention, and I'm starting to realize, that its actually a Horizontal connection between me and God's other kids that results in that vertical thing.

And yes...when I'm active in my addition, that horizontal connection is very much non-existant.

All the best..

2granddaughters

I've heard it described as living in the darkness or living in the light.

My alcoholism was it's most powerful when I was in the "dark". Going to AA meetings is like sitting in the "light" and my "ISM's" run from light like a rat.

When I try to do it alone, I slip back to the shadows and the dark. I am one of those alcoholics as described in AA's "The Doctors Opinion" and "How It Works"

All the best to you.

Bob R

bbthumper

Alcohol is an immediate barrier between me and God. Through the 12 steps I have come to realize that wherever I am God is also. Only when I am spiritually fit can I feel that presence. Thank God for the 12 steps. They keep me aware of that presence.

FredG

I can see that you think He's deserted you when you need Him most.... yet you made it through and back.

Footsteps In The Sand

lilyrosemary

i think it's God's simple way of telling us we should stop. like, if we constantly dump on our best friend, then when we need him/her, they aren't exactly thrilled to talk to us. they will, but not with the warmth we want and need and expect from that best friend. if we make things right, the relationship grows. best wishes.

kromkousie

well said

about horizontal connections... absent in my life too.

Sapling

I thought I was spiritually dead....Hopeless....Beyond praying my way out...And all it took for me was going to a meeting...Seeing people like me..recovered....That gave me hope. My spirit wasn't dead.....It just needed to be awakened.

Southerner

This is an interesting post with great replies. I would add that my personal view is that perhaps God is silent, because any talking would not be to you but to that thing which is blocking you from God. Therefore, s/he communicates in other more indirect ways--a loved one, an experience, a random thought.

I am a parent so I compare it to that. When my kids were little and went into the dark tantrums, I did not even try to logic with them. I communicated in other ways, because direct expression was meaningless. They had to evolve out of that moment before I tried direct communication again.

Maybe that's why?

Dee74

welcome to SR kromkousie

D