ManvsDrug22

I will try to keep this short.. I know this is long, but I am kinda in a crisis right now.. and I need urgent suggestions..I am not in my right mind to even THINK of the right thing to do.

I've been abusing adderall (pharmaceutical amphetamine) since january...prior to this I had an addiction to crack cocaine which I went to a treatment center for and completed 30 days. So I was clean roughly 3mos before the adderall habit. I built tolerance quickly and it became useless. So I met a hook up for crystal meth.. something I never tried before.. This is where the lie to myself started..

Before the first line I would snort that night on June 2, 2012. I was telling myself " I can handle this I bet..it won't take where cocaine did..Well I fell in love with crystal after that line. Bought my 2nd baggie the next week. Graduated to smoking it. Bought a 3rd bag the week after that..I let my dealer shoot me up, quite a few times..

I've now spent since January 2nd til today around $1,700 on crystal meth. I really am addicted to smoking it, I guess old crack head qualities came out vicariously through the meth usage. This last bag I bought a few days ago, I swore to myself I was only going to snort it, guess where it went? In my meth pipe.

This is becoming a major problem now, because instead of going to bed when I get home from work..I pull out the baggie and load the pipe with a shard..and I keep going all day..smoking..and smoking it. Before I know, I am due for my shift at work again..this is becoming an issue of me coming to work after being 30+hrs awake..I can tell my job performance is decling..I am even now using at work to keep me awake and functional during my shift..

HELP ME STOP PLEASE! I fed into that addict lie, and told myself this wasn't anything that I couldn't handle and now I am sooooo wrong about that..

One more thing: I also have a moral issue going on. A lady at my workplace with years of seniority, got fired for testing positive for THC. She uses to aid her in a physical disease. She got a random popped on her and was told to hit the road. Everyone loved her, she was a sweetheart, the most giving lady. I feel like writing up a letter of resignation and stating that I don't deserve my job and admitting my drug problem up front..Yes that lady had marijuana in her system but I know it was for a legitimate use...I have METH in my system because I am AN ADDICT. I don't deserve to work here, and I feel guilty remaining employed doing what I am doing. My conscience is weighing in..

I need help please, I am losing it. My weight is slowing dropping, my skin is so oily and reeks of meth...What should I do? I need suggestions from clean people please..I want to tell my roommate of my addiction (knows of my past cocaine addiction) because I know she would really want to help me, and that would drastically hinder future use, handing over my syringes, light bulbs etc...but I still don't know if I can..this meth is controlling my mind. I just wanna scream and cry at this point but I am so lifeless...

blueshades

It looks like you trust your roommate. I wouldn't waste any time reaching out to her and anyone else around that you trust for support. As for the work situation, does your employer offer help for substance use/abuse? It would be preferable if you could get some support from them rather than a pink slip. I wouldn't move on your work situation until you can get some people around you to help you get things sorted out.

Lenina

Is there an EAP (employee assistance program) in your workplace? Union or company? I thinking that since there's drug testing, the company probably has an EAP. Give them a call and about getting into rehab. you don't deserve to lose your job to addiction while you want help getting clean.

EAP is usually confidential. They will help work out the insurance stuff. They will most likely give you time off to go inpatient. Call and see what's the plan.

I'm sure your coworker wouldn't want you to lose your job. I'm betting she'd want you to get help. addiction isn't a moral failing, it's a treatable condition.

Love from Lenina

Sapling

I totally agree with Lenina on that...That would be my first plan of action....You might be able to get clean and keep your job.

ACT10Npack

Forget about your lady coworker that got fire for getting tested for THC. Not your problem. Getting help should be your first line of defeat to get your drug addiction out of your life. I wouldn't talk to an employee assistance program just yet. Go contact a lawyer and pay an hour of their time. You need to find out the laws first before you tell anyone in the company. From by guess, you can get fire on the spot just for just telling them your using meth.

Meth is the worst drug to use because it's cheap, it's stronger then coke and it last so much longer. I hope you get the right help!

Sapling

Someone in HR is a lot cheaper than a lawyer....It's free and it's their job...And you'll probably get better answers. Good luck to you ManvsDrug22!

ACT10Npack

Okay, did some research on this and you should look at your employee's handbook and see the rules on drug and alcohol use and after that look at your state laws on drug use and firing laws. If seeking drug testament is not protected understand the law of not firing then they can fire you on the spot even it you tell HR a out this. Talking to a lawyer is your best option at this point.

Threshold

couple things from my experience.

EAP is an outside service paid for by the company.

DON'T go to HR and announce you are using drugs.

EAP does not tell the company WHY you are using their assistence, it reports to them that someone in the company is using them, that's it.

EAP is safe to approach

HR may not be

they are not the same thing

It is ok to go to HR and ask if there is an EAP, or request benefits info etc without saying anything more, as in why you want the svcs.

If there is no EAP, you likely can still go to a treatment program, and get a letter stating you need time off for medical treatment without HR needing to know the specifics.

Talk with the treatment center about how to handle this. They should have experience doing exactly that.

I was hospitalized and I had to take leave, but no one was told why etc. That is protected by law.

If you can afford it, speaking to a lawyer is not a bad idea, but it was not feasible for me.

I'm sorry that your coworker was fired. But you don't have a dog in that fight. And truly, we don't know the whole story there. Sometimes when they want to fire someone, instead of firing them for the actual issue, they do something like this, pull out some technicality etc....

The thing is you ARE responsible for your own well being, your own contract with your employer etc. Resigning wont' help her, and it won't help you.

you can beat this thing. Please stick around.

Sapling

Exactly...You don't have to tell them anything. But it is documented that you at least were looking into something.

Pigtails

I just want to wish you strength and wisdom to get over your addiction. You can do this. Best wishes.

Mark75

I am not sure what I can say to help.

I was addicted to stimulants... It was hard to stop, and it took some time for me to get over it but I did it. You can too.

You can't ask your roommate for help, it's not her job to get yourself recovered. Maybe inpatient...

anotherquitter

I've worked for companies with very strict drug policies. If immediate termination is the rule then they are usually in place to protect the health and safety of all workers.

If you are under the influence and/or using at work, and there is a chance of injury to yourself or your co-workers, please consider seeking assistance immediately.

I would hate for a friend or family member to be injured because someone they work with was using.

And how would you feel if you caused serious injury to someone else?

I am sorry you are struggling. Good luck and please seek help now.

Butterfly74

Good luck...lean on your roomate.
Get personal support to fight the addiciton.
First.
You can beat this. I am only 3 days into opiate detox/wd/recovery...and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And for once... its not a train.