Phoenix11

I'm so tired of trying to stop drinking and only lasting a few days at a time. I truly hope I can make it for good this time as I'm beginning to feel it will never stick. I've read many posts here, read books on alcoholism, been to AA, prayed etc, etc, but alcohol always wins out in the end. I'm a functioning alcoholic, well able to cover up my drinking, but the struggle inside of me is horrible. Here on SR I hope to give and receive understanding and support to carry me through to a better sober life. The kind of life we all want, not this remorse and sense of weakness which eats away at any chance of lasting happiness.

Anna

Hi Phoenix and Welcome,

You are at a point where you can make a huge positive change in your life by stopping drinking. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse. One thing I needed to do was to firmly believe that I deserved a good life. We all do. Let go of the negative emotions and step into your sober life.

fallingtogether

I could have written this post myself. I am back at day 1 after drinking wine with a friend last night. I was kind of hard on myself this morning, but as the day goes on i am feeling much better spiritually. (and physically too) I was a bit nervous today, because i am home with no work today (mondays are my day off) but i have succeeded thus far and I can only pray that i will continue through the night! i believe we have these slips, bumps and forks in the road to bring us closer to knowing that we need to stop drinking.I have prayed all day to show me a sign that quitting drinking is what i should be doing.... and i have been given plenty of them! we can do this, with the help of sr and others in our life, as well as by telling our addictive voice to shut up!!!!

Fenris

Welcome to SR, Phoenix. I was a functioning alcoholic too...until I wasn't. And that happened very quickly. Even if you're basically keeping it together right now, if you continue drinking, everything will eventually fall apart. It's inevitable. And sometimes that's what has to happen before we can get to a place where we're truly willing to committ to being sober. I hope that's not the case with you. SR is a great place to find support.

--Fenris.

FredG

Glad to see you here and it sounds like you've read and heard lots about alcoholism. Lots of research but the big question on my mind is what have you done about it?

Sobriety takes work. Doesn't matter which method of getting sobriety you choose, AA, SMART, AVRT, it will take committment and work.

AA was my choice and if this is the way you decide, attend lots of meetings, get yourself a big book, get lots of fellow member's phone numbers and work the steps. Don't just go to a meeting or 2 and decide ... nope that's not me.

If you do decide AA isn't for you, research SMART or AVRT. There's lots here that can tell you more about them.

Phoenix11

Thanks very much for your replies and encouragement, it helps alot to be fully honest about this major part of my life that I've kept hidden for so long.

Functioning with drink until I'm not able to do that anymore is a scary thought but a good reminder for me.
And that whole idea of the work and commitment required for sober living is very much what I need to hear and act on right now. Thank you, the way forward seems clearer and I must play an active role in it rather than simply waiting until I somehow 'get better' or 'learn to moderate'.
What I actually need to learn and practise is how to get and stay sober.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Phoenix

I can really relate to this: That's me too. And having SR as a safe place to be totally honest among people who really understand has been a lifeline to me. I really hope it helps you too x

sissy07

Phoenix,

I know exactly what you mean....I got so very tired of it, and began getting really scared. Shame, guilt, taking chances like drinking and driving to get that second bottle of wine, the feeling of living two separate lives...ugh.

One poster here said something that made a lot of sense to me: When you want to be sober more than you want to drink it gets a lot easier. I waited until I was in danger of losing everything to quit....I hope you don't have to go through that terror.

Just take the leap again. It is never hopeless until you stop trying. Take care.