mildytired

i already want to start drinking again. making the areas i traverse in my house spotless (very big house). both my body and mind are saying lets get this going, friend in from out of town (he gave me my first beer at 16). dumped out half a fifth and put all my of my drinking cups/shot glasses where they are out of sight. looking down the drain asking myself, did I have to? I love stoli. back to cleaning must stay busy. didn't think it would be this rough already... sad thing is I took a nice few month break over the summer after a ghastly hangover, why so difficult now? just a few more days until the withdrawal symptoms subside and I want to give myself more poison. i need to go to an AA meeting tonight. no more contemplating that one.
/endrant

Dee74

I hope the meeting helps MT

We drank for years...it takes a little time to adjust...but it gets easier.
Keep reaching out for that support

D

Sapling

I don't think a meeting would hurt you....One thing I got from my first meeting was hope...That was 13 months ago....Haven't had a drink since.

nonblondechef

You wrote: didn't think it would be this rough already... sad thing is I took a nice few month break over the summer after a ghastly hangover, why so difficult now?
Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Perhaps that fact can be echoed in your statement? Sobriety feels so much better than any short term high from vodka or any other spirit. You can do this - keep posting and stay stopped!

mildytired

Thanks for the support guys, just went for a run, a nice hot shower and a banana and strawberry smoothie. Body is repulsed at the sight of booze. Gagged at the store heh. Off to an AA meeting tonight too! Hopefully the one tomorrow is a bit closer. Thanks again guys.

sugarbear1

Maybe write about your last drunk and hangover as a reminder?? then read it to remind yourself what you were like....

Maybe write where you'd like to be in a 6 months, then at 1 year from now and tuck it away....

Stay strong and stay stopped!!

Hugs & love,

tomsteve

the doors to the 1st meeting are the heaviest. they get ighter after that.

prayers yer way for some courage.

427

Hang tough, girl! Applaud you for going to the meeting!

CloudStrife

I'm posting I guess to ask "Did you decide to drink?"

Change4good

Sending good thoughts your way. Hope you enjoyed that smoothie.

mildytired

I'm a male hahaha! Been trying to be positive as heck and not let my mind start racing. Smoothie was good, needed the fruit and protein. Nope, no drinking, AA instead. Cheers, I'll check back in, I'm sure this is going to be daunting once I hit the road.

Sapling

Not as bad as every one of us makes it out to be...Go in...Listen....See if you can identify with what you hear...And not compare....Get there a little early and tell some of the guys there it's your first meeting...You'll meet some good people there. Have fun.

mildytired

Still feeling the insomnia and complete lack of sleep. Went to a beginners workshop, wasn't too bad. Had the support of a gentlemen I met through AA's hotline so I wasn't walking in blind. Glad to have had company for this, felt so out of place. This is what i've become? His son had a bit of trouble around my age and has been happy to help. Going to another tomorrow night. Met some humble people, the speaker had an extrodinary life. Was relieved to not have taken her path but also amazed by how far she has come. She is over 20 years sober. 90 meetings in 90 days.

Sapling

Good for you...Just keep coming back....I think with time you won't feel so out of place...If you don't have a Big Book...I suggest you get one and read the Doctor's Opinion and the first 164 pages...The directions for the 12 steps are in the first 103 pages....Study that....Find someone to guide you through them...And you will have a life you didn't think was possible....I'm living proof of that. Congrats to you on your first meeting and enjoy the ride.

mildytired

I picked up a Big Book, will set some time aside tomorrow to read that. Need to let my mind rest on what I'm about to undertake. Prayed for the first time in years as I drove home, just one or two (then ten) drinks would help me sleep. Made it home without stopping. My anger cannot be directed towards Him any longer; both the bad and the good are His will. Thank you for y'alls support, just venting is a tremendous help.

Sapling

You're doing awesome...I got back into praying after a long time too...AA taught me how to do that also. Page 87...Just take it one day at a time...Every day you don't drink you will get better...And sleep will come...I reaized I never slept before anyway...I passed out...Big difference.

mildytired

Thanks for your words Sapling, looked back at this thread throughout the night/day pondering to continue. While I only got a few hours of sleep, it feels like more sleep than I've gotten in weeks. Clear of mind and ready to beat this beast down, for the moment haha. The Big Book is a very thought provoking read requiring me to really analyze myself. I am weary, but will continue. Do not want to go to the AA meeting tonight but I must. Thanks for all of SR support, don't know if I would have made it this far without it.