AlohaL

I feel kind of lame putting my problems out on the internet for strangers to read, but frankly I don't have anyone in my life that believes I have a problem in the first place; so I 'm hoping to find someone here that understands.

Right now, I'm shaking, sweating, and crying for no particular reason other then maybe the fact that I'm having flashbacks of embarrassing myself last night...just like the night before, and the night before that, etc. I'm so sick of waking up hating myself. I've stopped drinking for a couple weeks before (several times) but I always find myself right back where I started. I hate feeling like I have zero self control...it shouldn't be that hard to just not do it, right?

I'm married but my husband is usually gone working for the military, so I'm alone most of the time besides the few hours that I work each week. Even when my husband is home, he tells me that I drink too much and then when I try to stop it's almost like he likes to put me back in situations where I'll always drink again. Most of my drinking is private but when I do actually go out with people I guess they just assume blacking out is normal for a 23 year old woman. Or that girls don't really have this type of problem, I don't know.

I've done a fabulous job hiding my drinking from most people in my life...so now that I do want help and want some support, nobody thinks I have a problem and they don't see why it would be so hard to just stop. I don't even know why that bothers me so much, but it does. I guess it feels like I'm trying to climb a mountain and everyone in my life is saying "why can't you just step over that ant hill?"

I'm starting to get really sad and I just feel like my body is shutting down from so much mistreatment. I guess I'm hoping this community can help give myself the kick in the butt I need to do something right. Help?

Weasel1966

Welcome! It is not a bunch of strangers. We may not know each other but we are not strangers.

What you describe is many of us here. Too many.

I can offer no answers at this moment but do offer support.

Ken

MrsKing

Hi AlohaL, welcome to SR. You're in the right place - there's so much support here.

I'm 24, so a year older than you, and I can totally relate to much of your story. I also know for a fact that people our age CAN have this problem and DO have this problem, and I am one of them. Four months ago, I was shaking, sweating, crying and an overall mess for embarrassing myself the night before, etc. I was full of shame, regret and guilt, and I really could see no way out. Feeling as though you have zero control is a horrible place to be, and I really feel for you. You CAN have control, though. Nobody says it's easy but it's definitely doable. You CAN be sober, if you really want it. You don't have to carry on living in this cycle, you really don't. SR is a great place to start - there is so much experience on these boards and people are very, very willing to share and help. You don't have to be alone in this, and now you're here, you most definitely aren't.

Have you ever thought about going to AA? It's not the only option but lots of people swear by it. I learned about AVRT (there's a crash course online and it doesn't take long - search for it, if you fancy - I found it revolutionary) and haven't looked back since.

*kick in the butt* - you can do this. Hugs x

hypochondriac

I know exactly how you feel AlohaL. No one believed me when I told them I had a drink problem either. My favourite comment was 'isn't it just a matter of drinking less'.

Personally I couldn't get past day 1 without support from other people who understood what I was going through. So, glad you're here

Have you tried to get help with quitting before? Have you spoken to your doctor about it or considered going to AA? x

AlohaL

Thank you all for the fast response! I've never spoken to my doctor or gone to any type of meeting or anything. Are there any programs that don't necessarily involve religion?

I'm a bit leery of doing anything out in public since unfortunately in some military communities being labled an alcoholic could have an effect of my husbands job. It makes no sense but that seems to be the way it is. I do want close friends and family to recognize what's going on...but not my entire neighborhood (which is hard to avoid here...in hawaii the coconut wireless reigns supreme)

I'd like to stop hanging out with a lot of the people in my life...alcohol is my social crutch and most of my friends expect a drunken time out of me and are disappointed if they don't get it. Honestly I don't talk a whole lot if I'm not drunk so I can see why...but my husband thinks cutting friends is awful and just a testament to my lack of willpower. I'm making him sound worse than he is...he's a great guy; but he has willpower in spades so he just has no empathy for my situation.

lillyknitting

Have u tried going to AA, they are very supportive and will help you. You will find loads of people there in the same position as you, they will give u literature and phone numbers. You are not alone x

quitforme79

Hang in there alohaL. You have found a great supportive site. Welcome

hypochondriac

If you get some help through your doctor then it will be confidential and they can help advise about detox too.

AVRT is a religion/meeting free method. Google the crash course or get the book Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction by Jack Trimpey. Or Allen Carr's book The Easy way to Stop Drinking. SMART meetings would be worth checking out too.

Do you have some access to counselling too? That may help, especially any CBT sort of stuff.

Would it be possible to slowly replace your friends with more sober ones...? Maybe try some sober activities so that you're not cutting friends as much as changing hobbies..?

Don't worry too much about peoples expectations. Really we can have no idea what other peoples expectations really are. Early on in sobriety I think I was uncomfortable in drinking situations because I thought other people would expect me to be drinking. But then that is just my perception of the situation. At times people have not even noticed that I wasn't drinking. And for the times they have, well, it's bound to be odd for them to accept a new non drinking version of me! Just concentrate on what you need to do and eventually people will accept the new sober you x

Live2Run25

Welcome Aloha... I was in the same boat as you too.. I'm 25. I was always out drinking with my friends, and then it hit me one day that I was going down a dangerous road. Then my alcoholic dad almost died from a 3 week binge. I haven't drank since then. You really have to want it, be willing to lose friends, and put yourself first. You can do it!!

sharp75

first time i thught i had a problem i told a family member whos response was i musnt have a problem as i only drank on a night and i kinda listened to it but a few month later i knew i had a problem so ignored comments like that and now i have a lot of supportive people around me because i am open and honest about it and wont have some one tell me i dont have a problem because of this and that. what people fail to realise is it isnt just what or when you drink its how it affects your life and i was a horrible person drinking, i was a selfish liar that only cared about myself and would let my family down and i also felt like i was useless and good for nothing. i am in the uk so things could be different where you are but i dont go to AA i go to a recovery place where we do activities etc and i was there 1 day and felt so comfortable with everyone and for the 1st time in years i realised im not a waste of space and i do have talents that iv buried away through drink and i can achieve good things in my life.

Hevyn

Welcome AlohaL. I felt so much better when I joined SR - it was a huge relief to find out I wasn't alone. No one else in my life had a problem with alcohol, and no one understood. I hope posting and reading here will help relieve your anxiety.

Itchy

Aloha! Welcome!
This is the best first move you could make. I am retired military and we have several military wives here that are recovering too. Now while you say that being labeled an alcoholic is bad for your husband's career, you aren't quite putting the right spin on that. Maybe I can help you get it into perspective. In my day, and I was a senior Military Law Enforcement Leader, the problem wasn't with folks getting help and counseling, joining AA etc. Where the negative consequences come is when you have an alcohol related incident. In the military any time you have a fight, get indecent, get a DUI, make a scene, are derelict in duty because of drinking on duty, anything really that is against civilian or military law, or both, AND ARE UNDER THE INFLUENCE, is an alcohol related incident.

Being involved in an alcohol related incident will affect your husband's career as he is responsible for your behaviors on and off base/post.

What you are doing now, drinking to excess and having morning recollections of outrageous behavior is what will get you labeled as having alcohol problems. All it takes is having a commander or his wife wake up remembering those behaviors and not being involved themselves.

But you don't quit for him, you quit for you. The military has no bearing if you are sober and staying that way with AA, here, or whatever. It was very hard for me to admit my problem to my docs, VA, family, and friends. I never had a serious problem with it until my last couple of years active, and then not public, no alcohol related incidents.

Trust me, get with some of the other military wives here and compare notes. In fact the military has some of the best recovery programs and assistance available! Get it while you can before the programs are cut for budgetary reasons.

You can do it, if an old sarge and a lot of younger O's and E's could, as well as a lot of our wives.

Get help decide on your personal program of recovery, then work it. Coming here was a great start!

awuh1

Hi AlohaL,
You know what ALOHA stands for? A Lot Of Happy Alcoholics. I found lots of them in AA meetings on Oahu (I assume you are on that island). Don’t be put off by preconceptions of the “religion” in AA. Lots of people there have Group Of Drunks as their God in AA. You will find people very tolerant of others with all sorts of beliefs. They don’t throw bibles at you. Most meetings are “off post” if you are concerned about your husband’s career.

“On post” at most bases and at TAMC (Tripler)’ there is the ADAPCP (Alcohol and Drug Abuse Prevention and Control Program). Google it to find out more.

Off post AA meetings can be found here (try the ones on the north shore). Mtg Scheds | Oahu Intergroup

ALOHA No Ka Oi

IndaMiricale

Welcome aboard

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

there are several programs available: Rational Recovery, AVRT, SMART, Women for Sobriety, SOS, LifeRing and AA.

AA is not religious, it's a spiritual program which is not for everyone and which does not hold any monopoly on recovery. It's free and has been around for 77 years.

Search a program and work it like your life depends upon it, as this alcoholism wants us dead. It is a progressive thing and always gets worse.

I wish you well on your staying stopped!

Love & hugs,

firestorm090

Welcome to SR, AlohaL,

You are definitely not alone here, for this group of people have truly been instrumental in saving this ole drunks life and supporting me when I was at my lowest and full of overwhelming anger at myself.

A friend of mine related a story to me concerning my fear of changing the people I hung around with and I'd like to share it with you, with hopes that it helps you.

People become attached to things and the way things are and are reluctant to change, even if the change is good. If a tree is planted in poor soil, some people will still resist the idea of moving it to healthier soil, because they like it where it is. They would rather watch it die than move it from their sight. Some people are that way with us, they want us to stay where we are rather than face the possibility of losing us to a better fate.

Deciding to become and stay sober has been the most difficult struggle I and others here have ever undertaken, yet the rewards are more than I can share in a post on the internet. It is not easy, in fact it was pure hell at times but I am slowly beginning to see the reasons I stayed stuck for so long, and now enjoy the rewards of the changes I've made to find a new way to live. SR & AA have helped me tremendously, put up with my whining, my ego trips, my failures and my endless attempts to plug the jug.
Fortunately they still offer the same support I received the first day I posted here, back in 2009. I am absolutely certain the same will prove true for you.

Welcome to SR, from all of us. I'm proud to be a member of this wonderful group of people, who offer help to all of us who suffer, asking nothing in return. No one here has ever bummed a drink off me, nor asked for a smoke, lol.

Hope you stick around. Hope is truly a gift that is given here.

artsoul

Welcome AlohaL!

Glad you found this forum - it's been a life-saver for me. Only other alcoholics and addicts understand what we go through and how hard we really do try to control our drinking (to no avail).

I didn't think I could stop when I came here, but the more I read, the more I began to see that maybe I could do it too. Keep posting and reading - we're here for you!

Quinne

Welcome

I'm 25 and have only just recently come to accept the fact that i'm an alcoholic after destroying everything in sight and my mind for the last 4 & 1/2 years. I have tried pretty much every form of treatment/therapy (behavioural therapies, drug and alcohol counselling, willpower, medication, detoxes, 2 rehabs and even reached a point where I was so depressed, I took my treating Psych's advice and consented to electroconvulsive therapy a couple of years ago). What is working for me is AA, this is my 64th day of sobriety.

As MrsKing mentioned above, people our age CAN and DO suffer from the disease of alcoholism. I used to think that I was too young to be existing-I truly wasn't living-as a shell of a human being in the grips of it. I look at it the same way now, just with a different perspective; yes, i'm too young to be squandering my life away drinking alone, drinking every day to the point of blackouts, embarrassing myself, compromising all my relationships and resenting everyone who is getting on with what they want to and can do and whatever it is that makes them happy and content.

It sucks not having support from others insomuch as them not recognising the steps you have to take to embrace sobriety. Having said that, at the end of the day, you've acknowledged this is an issue for you and that's a great starting point. Of course, no-one wishes this disease upon anyone, but coming from YOU-and not through cajoling and coercion from others-you've recognised that this is something you want to work toward. I applaud you for that SR has been a great source in sharing other's experiences and as a bit of a beacon of hope. I know AA doesn't sound like the most ideal option for you, i'm just sharing what has been the catalyst for me feeling much better and in embracing humility; every day is no longer a fight in my head deciding whether to drink or not, running off nervous energy is exhausting!

Anyway, whatever path you choose to take is up to you All the best x