My boyfriend Overdosed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 34
My boyfriend Overdosed
Im really confused and I don’t know what to do.
My boyfriend overdosed a few days ago and right now he is in the hospital. They say he is going to be alright, and I have been able to see him. He is not doing so good emotionally. Being there with him makes me anxious because I get scared, but Im also scared to stay away from him. I think he is going to be released in a couple of days but his parents are trying to keep him there until he gets into some type of treatment and they are saying he is suicidal.
His parents are blaming me for his overdose because we had an argument a couple days before this happened, and I broke up with him. But I didn’t mean the things I said, and I didn’t really want to break up with him. I just wanted him to stop using and I thought if I threatened him with leaving then he would stop. He told his parents after he woke up that that is why he was upset and that is why he went on a binge; he didn’t care if he lived or died because he was hurting so bad. He did not blame me; it was his parents.
I feel so much guilt. I love him so much and I told him in the hospital that I was in love with him, and that I didn’t want to break up with him. It was just that I was scared of his using drugs because I had been afraid something would happen to him; and now it has. Everything I told him is true. I promised him that I am here for him now, and that Im not going anywhere. That is the decision Ive made.
He is so scared because his parents and the doctors are bombarding him with how he needs to get help. His parents want him to go to rehab and they are willing to pay for it. He doesn’t want to be locked away in a rehab; the thought of it is horrible to both of us, but if it would help him stop using, and help him recovery emotionally, then I can handle it, and I will support it of course. But, the doctor in the hospital has given him more options like outpatient treatment thru the hospital program, but his parents especially his dad are holding firm he has to agree to go to rehab. He doesn’t even want to talk to them anymore. So now his mom got ahold of me at the hospital and told me that I needed to tell him to go or that we were finished. I needed to tell him that if he goes I will be here waiting for him. I feel like she is putting all this pressure to convince him on me, and I don’t even know if it is the right thing for him. I don’t think he was really suicidal but I don’t know; I think he just took too much because he was high already.
His parents I know are scared, and they are willing to do anything to get him professional help. His mom has been attending NA meetings for family and it has helped her I think to be so strong, but she is really making the rules. She says if he is not willing to enter rehab, then we all need to let him go, and leave him alone to fall, and then when he hits bottom, he will be willing to ask for help and work really hard to get better. Its her choice to do what she feels is best, but I have to decide for myself what is best for me. And part of that is also I need to know what is best for him.
We live together, and so she is saying I have to kick him out if he wont go to rehab. She knows he doesn’t even have a job right now and would have no place to go except for friends who would not be a good influence on him. So Im not going to kick him out. And I don’t want to either because I love him, and want him with me.
I went to my parent after he overdosed because I was so upset. They are now forbidding me to see him; they didn’t even know he used drugs, and when they found out I was aware of it; they are really upset I would be with him. Disappointed is what they keep saying, and that he is screwed up and they are sad for him, but they don’t want me drawn in because my life will be ruined. They say they wont pay my tuition this semester if I go back to him, and they don’t want to hear me complain and expect them to fix things for me after I wake up and realize Im in the gutter with him. They don’t know that we have been living together full time although I know they realize he stays with me part of the time.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help him. I don’t know what treatment is best, and I don’t think I have the right to try to force him into a particular one, because he has to feel that he is doing what is best for him. To be honest, I don’t even know if he wants to stop even though he is telling me he does. He is really scared right now, but I don’t know what to believe. He lies, and he says things to pacify me , and never intends to follow through. Like with how he was looking for work, not. How he c How he quit, not. Doesn’t have any hidden, not. Lying I think about drugs has become like breathing to him because they are such a part of him.
Can you tell me what rehab does, why it takes so long, what outpatient does, what being a member of NA does, what therapist do. What has worked for your family member? And is his mom right in trying to force me to force him?
If you read all that Thank You - sorry it was so long
My boyfriend overdosed a few days ago and right now he is in the hospital. They say he is going to be alright, and I have been able to see him. He is not doing so good emotionally. Being there with him makes me anxious because I get scared, but Im also scared to stay away from him. I think he is going to be released in a couple of days but his parents are trying to keep him there until he gets into some type of treatment and they are saying he is suicidal.
His parents are blaming me for his overdose because we had an argument a couple days before this happened, and I broke up with him. But I didn’t mean the things I said, and I didn’t really want to break up with him. I just wanted him to stop using and I thought if I threatened him with leaving then he would stop. He told his parents after he woke up that that is why he was upset and that is why he went on a binge; he didn’t care if he lived or died because he was hurting so bad. He did not blame me; it was his parents.
I feel so much guilt. I love him so much and I told him in the hospital that I was in love with him, and that I didn’t want to break up with him. It was just that I was scared of his using drugs because I had been afraid something would happen to him; and now it has. Everything I told him is true. I promised him that I am here for him now, and that Im not going anywhere. That is the decision Ive made.
He is so scared because his parents and the doctors are bombarding him with how he needs to get help. His parents want him to go to rehab and they are willing to pay for it. He doesn’t want to be locked away in a rehab; the thought of it is horrible to both of us, but if it would help him stop using, and help him recovery emotionally, then I can handle it, and I will support it of course. But, the doctor in the hospital has given him more options like outpatient treatment thru the hospital program, but his parents especially his dad are holding firm he has to agree to go to rehab. He doesn’t even want to talk to them anymore. So now his mom got ahold of me at the hospital and told me that I needed to tell him to go or that we were finished. I needed to tell him that if he goes I will be here waiting for him. I feel like she is putting all this pressure to convince him on me, and I don’t even know if it is the right thing for him. I don’t think he was really suicidal but I don’t know; I think he just took too much because he was high already.
His parents I know are scared, and they are willing to do anything to get him professional help. His mom has been attending NA meetings for family and it has helped her I think to be so strong, but she is really making the rules. She says if he is not willing to enter rehab, then we all need to let him go, and leave him alone to fall, and then when he hits bottom, he will be willing to ask for help and work really hard to get better. Its her choice to do what she feels is best, but I have to decide for myself what is best for me. And part of that is also I need to know what is best for him.
We live together, and so she is saying I have to kick him out if he wont go to rehab. She knows he doesn’t even have a job right now and would have no place to go except for friends who would not be a good influence on him. So Im not going to kick him out. And I don’t want to either because I love him, and want him with me.
I went to my parent after he overdosed because I was so upset. They are now forbidding me to see him; they didn’t even know he used drugs, and when they found out I was aware of it; they are really upset I would be with him. Disappointed is what they keep saying, and that he is screwed up and they are sad for him, but they don’t want me drawn in because my life will be ruined. They say they wont pay my tuition this semester if I go back to him, and they don’t want to hear me complain and expect them to fix things for me after I wake up and realize Im in the gutter with him. They don’t know that we have been living together full time although I know they realize he stays with me part of the time.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help him. I don’t know what treatment is best, and I don’t think I have the right to try to force him into a particular one, because he has to feel that he is doing what is best for him. To be honest, I don’t even know if he wants to stop even though he is telling me he does. He is really scared right now, but I don’t know what to believe. He lies, and he says things to pacify me , and never intends to follow through. Like with how he was looking for work, not. How he c How he quit, not. Doesn’t have any hidden, not. Lying I think about drugs has become like breathing to him because they are such a part of him.
Can you tell me what rehab does, why it takes so long, what outpatient does, what being a member of NA does, what therapist do. What has worked for your family member? And is his mom right in trying to force me to force him?
If you read all that Thank You - sorry it was so long
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
And is his mom right in trying to force me to force him?
The short answer , yes!!!!
She is trying to save his life. Let me say that again, she is trying to save his life, and she is right about kicking him out, and not providing him with a soft place to land, and if you do, it will end badly.
And your parents are right too, they are trying to save you a lot of heartache and horrible years trying to fix an addict, which you can't . And it's not your fault he od'ed, he needs to take responsiblity for his actions.
You need to get educated about addiction and get help for yourself and stop living in a fantasy world.
Let him get the help he needs and you get the help you need. That's all I have, reading this story, from someone as young as you, with so much life ahead of her and parents that love and care about her, and reading what you are writing about loving him and wanting to help him is making me so sad for you.
Tell him to go to rehab, he needs to, the next od may not go so well. This is life and death, it's not a game.
The short answer , yes!!!!
She is trying to save his life. Let me say that again, she is trying to save his life, and she is right about kicking him out, and not providing him with a soft place to land, and if you do, it will end badly.
And your parents are right too, they are trying to save you a lot of heartache and horrible years trying to fix an addict, which you can't . And it's not your fault he od'ed, he needs to take responsiblity for his actions.
You need to get educated about addiction and get help for yourself and stop living in a fantasy world.
Let him get the help he needs and you get the help you need. That's all I have, reading this story, from someone as young as you, with so much life ahead of her and parents that love and care about her, and reading what you are writing about loving him and wanting to help him is making me so sad for you.
Tell him to go to rehab, he needs to, the next od may not go so well. This is life and death, it's not a game.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Your boyfriend will have to decide to seek help for himself. I'm sorry for your situation and the upset in your family.
You might check out NarAnon in your area as a support for you.
Also we have a forum for Friends & Families of Substance Abuse on this board.
You might check out NarAnon in your area as a support for you.
Also we have a forum for Friends & Families of Substance Abuse on this board.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
I'm going to be blunt. It's going to be a harsh assessment, and if you are not interested in reading that kind of thing you're gonna want to skip this post entirely.
If you're still reading, well, you've been warned.
To me it sounds like your boyfriend is an addict who is manipulating you, while you in turn are enabling his drug abuse and validating his self-destructive lifestyle, which in the long run is probably doing a lot more lasting harm than good.
He stays with you? Does he pay rent for staying with you? Oh that's right, no job. But he has enough money for dope! Weird, huh?
You feel "so much guilt" because he wants you to feel guilty, that's how addicts control you. He even got you to take him back after you dumped him, BOOM just like that. Guy's a wizard or something.
Do yourself a favor, while you still can--cut all ties with this guy, listen to your parents, get back to school with your tuition paid for, get your degree, and go -- go, and have a great life.
And don't date addicts anymore.
Look, sometimes you're stuck with someone. Like, for example, let's say your brother ends up a smack junkie? You kinda have to deal with that. Family is family. Or your husband has a drinking problem? Divorce is an option, but most people would at least give the guy a few chances before throwing in the towel. ("'till death do us part, and all of that stuff")
But a boyfriend? Like, you guys are dating? And he overdosed? That's a deal-breaker. Sorry, but pull. the. rip. cord. ABANDON SHIP! ABANDON SHIP! Friends who willfully almost kill themselves through high-risk behavior are not the friends you want to cultivate. Their problems will invariably end up spilling over onto you, and you really, really don't want their problems.
Good luck
If you're still reading, well, you've been warned.
To me it sounds like your boyfriend is an addict who is manipulating you, while you in turn are enabling his drug abuse and validating his self-destructive lifestyle, which in the long run is probably doing a lot more lasting harm than good.
He stays with you? Does he pay rent for staying with you? Oh that's right, no job. But he has enough money for dope! Weird, huh?
You feel "so much guilt" because he wants you to feel guilty, that's how addicts control you. He even got you to take him back after you dumped him, BOOM just like that. Guy's a wizard or something.
Do yourself a favor, while you still can--cut all ties with this guy, listen to your parents, get back to school with your tuition paid for, get your degree, and go -- go, and have a great life.
And don't date addicts anymore.
Look, sometimes you're stuck with someone. Like, for example, let's say your brother ends up a smack junkie? You kinda have to deal with that. Family is family. Or your husband has a drinking problem? Divorce is an option, but most people would at least give the guy a few chances before throwing in the towel. ("'till death do us part, and all of that stuff")
But a boyfriend? Like, you guys are dating? And he overdosed? That's a deal-breaker. Sorry, but pull. the. rip. cord. ABANDON SHIP! ABANDON SHIP! Friends who willfully almost kill themselves through high-risk behavior are not the friends you want to cultivate. Their problems will invariably end up spilling over onto you, and you really, really don't want their problems.
Good luck
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
My (harsh) advice is for you to take care of you and to move on with your life. Maybe read the Family and Friends Forum to find out what life will be like if you stick with him.
I know this, I married a drug addict/alcoholic. No, I don't feel responsible for his suicide today. To this day, his mom still doesn't even think he was an alcoholic, let alone a drug addict.
No one can get me high and no one can get me sober---I have to be willing to stay stopped. Your bf has a long road of recovery ahead of him, if he chooses. By not choosing rehab, he is choosing to stay where he can get high and to blame others for his behavior. It's a form of denial.
You didn't cause him to get high, you can't cure him and you can't change him. Listen to your parents, I didn't.
No, not everyone drinks or gets high. Many people work hard to create a life of their dreams without alcohol or drugs. What kind of future do you want for you?
Nar Anon might help you and possibly reading Codependent No More will give you insight.
Written with love and concern for you.
Hugs,
I know this, I married a drug addict/alcoholic. No, I don't feel responsible for his suicide today. To this day, his mom still doesn't even think he was an alcoholic, let alone a drug addict.
No one can get me high and no one can get me sober---I have to be willing to stay stopped. Your bf has a long road of recovery ahead of him, if he chooses. By not choosing rehab, he is choosing to stay where he can get high and to blame others for his behavior. It's a form of denial.
You didn't cause him to get high, you can't cure him and you can't change him. Listen to your parents, I didn't.
No, not everyone drinks or gets high. Many people work hard to create a life of their dreams without alcohol or drugs. What kind of future do you want for you?
Nar Anon might help you and possibly reading Codependent No More will give you insight.
Written with love and concern for you.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 117
You should not feel guilty. It is not, has never been, nor ever will be your fault.
The only person an addict can blame is himself.
I became addicted to alcohol in the aftermath of a really bad personal situation where I felt victimized and justified, but it wasn't anyone's fault that I became addicted. It was my own. Bad things happen, people hurt people, but ultimately it was and always has been my choice to drink.
You sound like a sweet and caring person, but I gather from the fact that you are in college that you are young. A sweet, caring person who is going to college and has their whole life ahead of them does not need to stay involved with an addict, no matter how your emotions tell you otherwise. An addict will use a sweet, vulnerable person like you. Embrace your young life and move on. This battle belongs to the addict, not you.
Whatever you choose, I wish you peace and light along your journey.
The only person an addict can blame is himself.
I became addicted to alcohol in the aftermath of a really bad personal situation where I felt victimized and justified, but it wasn't anyone's fault that I became addicted. It was my own. Bad things happen, people hurt people, but ultimately it was and always has been my choice to drink.
You sound like a sweet and caring person, but I gather from the fact that you are in college that you are young. A sweet, caring person who is going to college and has their whole life ahead of them does not need to stay involved with an addict, no matter how your emotions tell you otherwise. An addict will use a sweet, vulnerable person like you. Embrace your young life and move on. This battle belongs to the addict, not you.
Whatever you choose, I wish you peace and light along your journey.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 209
I hate to say that I agree with all the previous posts. I am sorry you are hurting and confused. You obviously care about your boyfriend.
The only person whom can make changes in his own life is your boyfriend. Despite what his parents want or say, you cannot force him to do anything. You cannot do it to him or for him. Which means that the only thing you can do is change the way you respond to him. He needs to want to make changes, and if not you need to look out for yourself before you get dragged down too
The only person whom can make changes in his own life is your boyfriend. Despite what his parents want or say, you cannot force him to do anything. You cannot do it to him or for him. Which means that the only thing you can do is change the way you respond to him. He needs to want to make changes, and if not you need to look out for yourself before you get dragged down too
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,336
Think about, maybe you DID mean the things you said. Remember WHY you said them. I don't see this ending well for you if you stay in the relationship because you feel guilt. Please listen to your parents and move forward with your life.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
Welcome and I'm sorry you're going through this situation. Sometimes when you're really close to it you can't see what others that are removed can see easily. If you really love him, you want what's best for him. Professional help is probably best for him right now, whether he likes it or not. His parents are trying to give him a shot at recovery and are at wits end. I don't think this is a guy that can handle outpatient from the way you describe him. I don't think you want to wonder if he's suicidal or not-that's a LOT of pressure on you. A professional can tell if he is, and can help him deal with his feelings.
I was engaged to a guy like this. Smart guy, but no ambition. Always talking about finding a job, but never quite got there, wouldn't contribute to rent,etc. Always had money for his drugs or booze. Best decision I ever made was to walk away. Someone that truly loves you doesn't sponge off you and lie to you. That's the truth.
Of course he'd rather live with you than go to rehab. You're not even sure he wants to stop using, and that's exactly why you broke it off already. Follow your instincts. Tough Love!! If he gets straightened out he'll be a better partner for you, and will need your support if he's truly trying to stop. You don't have to live with him and pay his bills to give him emotional support.
Don't throw away your chance at college, and wreck your relationship with your family over this-they love you and are trying to help you avoid a disaster.
I was engaged to a guy like this. Smart guy, but no ambition. Always talking about finding a job, but never quite got there, wouldn't contribute to rent,etc. Always had money for his drugs or booze. Best decision I ever made was to walk away. Someone that truly loves you doesn't sponge off you and lie to you. That's the truth.
Of course he'd rather live with you than go to rehab. You're not even sure he wants to stop using, and that's exactly why you broke it off already. Follow your instincts. Tough Love!! If he gets straightened out he'll be a better partner for you, and will need your support if he's truly trying to stop. You don't have to live with him and pay his bills to give him emotional support.
Don't throw away your chance at college, and wreck your relationship with your family over this-they love you and are trying to help you avoid a disaster.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
rehab is one of a few things that saved my life.
i'd probably not be alive right now had i not gone that first time. second time too.
let him go to rehab. i have no idea why people think it's some horrible place full of evil, scary monsters. the evil, scary monsters are are waiting for him at home without treatment and you're willing to let him go there.
i'd probably not be alive right now had i not gone that first time. second time too.
let him go to rehab. i have no idea why people think it's some horrible place full of evil, scary monsters. the evil, scary monsters are are waiting for him at home without treatment and you're willing to let him go there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 34
Its not that I dont want him to go to rehab; I want what is best for him but I dont understand what goes on in rehab and either does he really.
His parents are pushing for that, but the hopistal doctor gave him other options so that makes it confusing.
The reason I broke up with him originally was because I thought that it would make his realize he needed to change his life and get help of some kind. It was only a couple days and then he overdosed. He hasnt blamed me for the overdose. He has told me outright that it is not my fault and that he doesnt want me to feel guilty. His parents are blaming me though, and they are making me feel guilty and trying to use that to manipulate me I think. But of course I do feel guilty anyway , how can I not. We break up and then he overdoses, its not a coincidence. It wasnt manipulation from him; he almost died.
I am in grad school and have one year left. He already graduated and he had a job, but he started missing a lot of days because he was using and eventually they laid him off instead of firing him, I think its true because he drew unemployment. But he was usign all his money for drugs, and hadnt been paying his bills and had been charging stuff.
Its all a long story on the money.
Im really struggling with the idea of walkign away from him because I do love him, and he was not always like this. Ive known him for 5 years. He started using because he got injured in an accident, a couple years ago and got prescribed the pain meds. I didnt even see he had a problem for a long time. But these last 6 months he has become really dependent on them . I dont know Im really confused.
I looked at the family forum but after some of what I read I know they will just tell me to leave him. I wa hoping to get more insight here.
thank you all for reading my post and Im going to re-read everything now.
His parents are pushing for that, but the hopistal doctor gave him other options so that makes it confusing.
The reason I broke up with him originally was because I thought that it would make his realize he needed to change his life and get help of some kind. It was only a couple days and then he overdosed. He hasnt blamed me for the overdose. He has told me outright that it is not my fault and that he doesnt want me to feel guilty. His parents are blaming me though, and they are making me feel guilty and trying to use that to manipulate me I think. But of course I do feel guilty anyway , how can I not. We break up and then he overdoses, its not a coincidence. It wasnt manipulation from him; he almost died.
I am in grad school and have one year left. He already graduated and he had a job, but he started missing a lot of days because he was using and eventually they laid him off instead of firing him, I think its true because he drew unemployment. But he was usign all his money for drugs, and hadnt been paying his bills and had been charging stuff.
Its all a long story on the money.
Im really struggling with the idea of walkign away from him because I do love him, and he was not always like this. Ive known him for 5 years. He started using because he got injured in an accident, a couple years ago and got prescribed the pain meds. I didnt even see he had a problem for a long time. But these last 6 months he has become really dependent on them . I dont know Im really confused.
I looked at the family forum but after some of what I read I know they will just tell me to leave him. I wa hoping to get more insight here.
thank you all for reading my post and Im going to re-read everything now.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 217
It doesn't really matter how he became an addict.. I was in an accident like your boyfriend and broke my ulna and my radius. I was given pain meds and after the pain went away I made the decision to continue using. Let me tell you something and this is 100% me being honest. He's not the guy that you knew anymore. He is addicted to drugs which changes his priorities, attitude, and everything in his life including you. The dude chooses to get high over helping you provide for your guys living situation. Is that really what you want to settle for? Because if you continue allowing him to mooch off you he's going to take take take till you have nothing left. Trust me I'm an addict that's what we do. Honestly I would listen to your parents and move on.. Most people here have more insight on this situation then anyone else out there because we've put people through this. A lot of us are addicts just like your boyfriend. Sounds like enough's enough.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi JoeysGirl
I think when people say leave it's because they're speaking from experience. There are success stories - but sadly, they are not the majority.
When I was an active addict and drunk, I loved the people in my life...but not enough to change. I figured I could have both my loved ones and my addiction.
Most importantly - noone else was ever to blame for me using.
I often used people as an excuse but I used or drank because I wanted to.
I think it's a very messy situation you're in - I'm sorry for that
.
I can't really advise you to stay - for your posts it looks to me like you're a convenient scapegoat for just about everyone else involved.
but...regardless of what anyone says here, it's your choice about what to do JoeysGirl.
stay or go...it's up to you, but you'll need to be prepared for the consequences of your choice, either way.
D
I think when people say leave it's because they're speaking from experience. There are success stories - but sadly, they are not the majority.
When I was an active addict and drunk, I loved the people in my life...but not enough to change. I figured I could have both my loved ones and my addiction.
Most importantly - noone else was ever to blame for me using.
I often used people as an excuse but I used or drank because I wanted to.
I think it's a very messy situation you're in - I'm sorry for that
.
I can't really advise you to stay - for your posts it looks to me like you're a convenient scapegoat for just about everyone else involved.
but...regardless of what anyone says here, it's your choice about what to do JoeysGirl.
stay or go...it's up to you, but you'll need to be prepared for the consequences of your choice, either way.
D
I looked like that holdin beer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 627
Over 5 years I saw Oxy addiction turn one of my best friends in the world into a lying, manipulative, thieving fiend (He even stole from me). It was and is extremely painful to be around him. He flunked out of school, overdosed, lost his job, wreaked his car, lost his license, lost his apartment, lost almost every friend he had(except for the addicts), and is living in a homeless shelter. He has finally decided to get help; time will tell. I hope to be able to have my friend back. I am also in recovery for alcohol addiction, so it would just be great for both of us to rise above this chaos, and have a happy ending. As far as what you should do; I don’t know. My BF and I have been living together for 6 years and he has gone though my troubles with alcohol, and stayed with me. I don’t know if people would have told him to leave, but he ultimately did what he wanted to do, and stayed. He told me last night how happy he is to have me in his life.
What do you want to do? What do you think would be best for you? Does he really want to quit? Is he going to go to detox, rehab, therapy, or NA, etc...? Maybe he could live somewhere else just for now, so you would get some space and see what he decides to do with recovery?
I am truly very sorry for what you are going through. I know it is very painful for the both of you.
Please keep us posted, OK?
What do you want to do? What do you think would be best for you? Does he really want to quit? Is he going to go to detox, rehab, therapy, or NA, etc...? Maybe he could live somewhere else just for now, so you would get some space and see what he decides to do with recovery?
I am truly very sorry for what you are going through. I know it is very painful for the both of you.
Please keep us posted, OK?
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
from my experience in rehab, it's a lot like going back to school. you learn a lot about your addiction and what it does to you physically and mentally. you also learn what the substance does to you physically and how you become dependent on it. through that, you learn what you can do to break that dependence. for example, one of my favorite classes was on endorphins. alcohol releases endorphins into my system. i became dependent on alcohol for that. i didn't go to anything else to get my feel good endorphins. now, i watch funny movies, i eat chocolate, i take hot baths, i go for vigorous walks. there are alternatives. we also had yoga twice a week where we learned to relax. lots of addicts don't know how to even breath properly. deep, calming breath? what's that? learning even how to do that helps me every day. we learn how to share with another human being our emotions and how we're feeling so we can learn how to ask for help when we need it. rehab is a lot about learning how to ask for help, how to accept help and how to be active in our recovery. it's about building a toolbox and filling it with the tools we need in the real world to stay clean and sober. it's not there to mess with your mind and berate you and make you feel bad for being an addict. it's there to heal you, mind, body, and soul. it's the unknown. the known is addiction. the unknown is sobriety. you can try the outpatient stuff but dipping your toes in the water when you can jump all the way in....well. i know what i'd want to do.
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