newagerml

I have 3 months clean and sober .. TODAY

I finally quit my Klonipin on 4/29/12 - and it wasn't easy. I would say life has it's really good days but most are still difficult as hell lol. However with friends in the program it is a lot easier. I have learned to use that 10,000 ton phone !

Here is my situation at the moment. I was with a women who was VERY codependent. I broke up with her 10 days ago because I knew I wasn't going to grow in my program if I stayed with her. I have also, to be honest, been very attracted to another woman in the program who told me she is really attracted to me as well.

Main problem is we are both early in sobriety so it could get to be a train wreck really easy. I know everyone is going to say don't act on my infatuation yet. I really want to and realize I shouldn't at the same time.

My confusion is I know I still love my ex and she wants to work things out, shocker. I love being alone with her and the intimacy we have but I am not so sure I want to work things out. I also don't want to continue to hurt her so I need to make a decision soon.

On top of that the other woman I am obsessing about to the point where it is scary and nearly debilitating. I don't remember ever obsessing about anyone this much. Both women are extremely attractive but the one from the program is exactly the type I look for physically. Mentally I honestly don't know her well enough yet so the infatuation and obsession is definitely physical.

I am really starting to scare myself with the obsessive thoughts. I try to turn them off. I ask God for guidance on a decision. I try to stay busy and occupy myself but I literally can not stop thinking about this woman.

Since I have been drug induced or drunk for 20 years now I honestly don't know what I am feeling. On top of that someone who was in touch with their feelings would be ****** up off of all of this.

If I am going to be honest I probably am not letting go of my ex entirely because of the fear of being alone. I am probably obsessing about this women for sexual reasons. I am not 100 % sure but that would be a good guess.

I know the answers are going to be "Wait until you have 6 months" or "Wait until you have a year" and I get that. How do I control the obsessive thinking though ? I refuse to take more medication and must learn to deal with this naturally.

I am open to all remedies and methods including spiritual ones.

IndaMiricale

First congrats on your time.

AA meetings really do wonders for me on all aspects.

And my morning prayer and meditation.

Good love, Inda

sugarbear1

Why not date both? Dating is taking someone out & getting to know them.

just a thought

newagerml

Main problem is the ex probably wouldn't like that ideal .. lol

Good concept though

CarolD

The AA members I know have a much easier time in relationships
when they have completed their initial Step work
and are now living them...

Me? I took a year off men in early recovery so better
to have no distractions ..to consentrate on recovery

I use prayer to keep in emotional balance...works very well..

Dee74

To be honest, I'd probably leave both alone until I got myself together and knew what I wanted, newagerml.

What does your sponsor say?

D

hypochondriac

Obsession is never a good thing. It might be a good idea to put a bit of personal restraint on this situation to avoid things getting a bit messy.

Deal with it the same way you have with drinking, give it up. Don't start a new relationship and don't rekindle your old one. It's fairly obvious you don't know what you want yet so don't act on your feelings. It's just like not acting on the urge to drink x

NoFireWater

Congrats on 3 months sober! That's a tough situation you're in. Staying with someone because you don't want to be alone is never a good reason to be with them. If you really love your ex you probably wouldn't have broken it off.
The codependent thing could really mess up your progress. You can't keep her hanging on, and if you're "obsessing" over someone else it's time to set her free. Just my opinion. As for the new one, maybe just try to sit back awhile before you pursue it to sort it all out.

artsoul

If it were me, I'd take a huge step back and figure some things out. At the very least, I'd look at what happened with the first relationship before I got into another one.

It sounds like you recognize some addictive thinking in there - it sounds a lot like a high, where it becomes all about getting/fantisizing/anticipating more of those good feelings. Maybe a counselor can help you sort it out - it seems like you could even use some of the same tools you've used to get you through the last 3 months (congrats, by the way!).