Jakeysnakey

Hi everyone,

Alright, so I get it - I'm powerless over alcohol, I'm powerless over food (I'm in OA), I'm powerless over so many other things in my life.

I have some issues going on at work right now, I have a professional job and I'm new and people don't really respect me. In fact I am almost certain that they are complaining that I am not providing them with what they need (which is important in my job). I feel useless, I feel constantly beat up, I feel like very few people are even 'nice' to me. Plus I have one of those jobs that never really 'ends', I can't power off at the end of the day.

I just received yet another negative email from somebody. The obsession is triggered, not to 'use', but just to absolutely go crazy about what this person said. "I'm not good enough", "I'm stupid, just wait until everyone finds out", "I'm unqualified, everybody knows it", all that kind of mean stuff.

My sponsor tells me to feel it, and to do nothing about it. Just experience it. How do i do that? Do i just accept that nobody likes me? How do I accept that I might not be good at my job? How do I accept that people don't like me and that they are talking about me behind my back? i don't know how to accept this, but until I do I know I will keep stuck right where i am.

I'm on steps 6-7 right now and I'm sure this is relevant, but I just don't know what to 'do'. How do I become willing to remove these defects? Well, i'm not willing because I want to KEEP them because as long as I keep them I can control it. But CAN I control it? I'm spinning here...

Any thoughts are much appreciated.

Thanks xo

IndaMiricale

Well I dont like to do others inventory but you might want to look back at step 4.

And as for what people think of me , I truly try not to think about it because its really none of my business. As long as I am trying my best and doing what I think is the next right thing. I am good.

Thank you for your post , I am sure your over thinking things , but keep working on your journey. And keep posting for us.

Jakeysnakey

You're right. I'm not clear on what my "part" is, although I'm sure it's obvious to anyone other than me!! Thanks for your reply

instant

I have no advice but other people are where they are, we are where we are. I hope you can find a way through it.

sugarbear1

How did step 5 go? Did you really get to see your patterns, your fears, your part in things? Did you discuss how you could be more useful?

Step 5, for me, was a 6 hour discussion and quite eye-opening for me. Step 6 was an hour of reflection and step 7 was a prayer (which I still say every day--14+ months later). I was quite willing to go to any lengths.

My sponsor suggested that my higher power was "too much of a gentleman" to take from me what I was holding on to, so my willingness was imperative and most important in this step work. My higher power decides what to take away, I just need to be willing to let go of all of it.

I also saw my defects in a list and on the opposite side we listed it's polar opposite. Every negative defect has a positive asset. If I am choosing which defects can be taken from me, then I am playing god again. When I am god, I get drunk. Things fall apart. I am disgruntled. Life sucks.

It's still up to my higher power to decide what is needed or not, what is taken away or not and when. Willingness just is in my book. It's not an action. It's more of a belief.

My way didn't work, I agreed to work the steps, so "willingness" is part of going to any lengths. I was definitely willing to change. I really had no choice. I didn't like sitting in pain anymore. I was just ready. Are you ready for change?

I am to be more useful to others. This is my new role.

Feeling good is new. I don't like "new." I am getting used to "new" today. Feeling okay in my own skin, feeling good, things moving along smoothly. These were habits that needed to be changed. Slowly. It's a process of change.

I'm sorry you received an unprofessional email. That was just uncalled for. My sponsor reminds me that what others think of me is none of my business.

Maybe start walking and maybe meditation to unwind after work. Just breathing deeply for meditation might help you.

Maybe go back to step 3. "No human power could relieve our alcoholism." I have no need to control anything today. The results are horrendous when I try that!

I wish you well in your journey of recovery.

With love and hugs,

sugarbear1

Or go back to step 3

changer

hi there sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. i would agree with some of the others that what other people think of you is none of your business. (i used to think that sounded kind of harsh, but then i realized what a relief it was- not my problem what strange things go on in someone elses head, haha)
i think as long as you keep doing the next right thing, all you need to accept is that you are doing the best you can.
when i feel overwhelmed and my thoughts are chasing each others tails in my brain, i give the whole thing up to my HP. way too tiring for me to sort out, so i just kind of say, hey boss- can you take this one?
i wish you the best of luck. don't be too hard on yourself.
as long as you stay sober, the other things in your life will come together 'sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly'

hil