seeking the bridge
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 4
seeking the bridge
Not sure if anyone will take the time to read this considering there are endless identical threads but I don't know where else to turn. I have a lot on my mind so this will likely be a long read. If anyone is out there, some help would mean so much to me. I am at the lowest stage of my life.
Not exactly sure what qualifies one as an "alcoholic." I certainly don't drink daily or even bi-daily, but weekly for sure. I am 21 years old and, like most my peers, I've been drinking for a few years now.
Growing up my parents drank wine occasionally, dad had a beer or two with dinner but nothing remotely close to a problem. I've never seen either of them drunk. Our neighbors, on the other hand, were raging alcoholics. For them beer was breakfast, lunch, dinner and desert. Until recently that was my perception of an "alcoholic"
As I mentioned earlier, I am only 21. Yet alcohol has been an integral part of my lifestyle for the past three years. I go to a big university. My freshman year I was "lucky" enough to land a job as a bouncer at a bar that the students here frequent regularly. One thing led to another and I was promoted to bartender. Nineteen years old tending bar....
Jump forward 3 years. The clean-slate, wide-eyed, freshman I once was has become a distant, foggy memory. Although the frequency of my drinking has never been much of an issue. A "seasoned vet" such as myself would never have a couple beers and call it a night.
My school is a huge party school, and something I've always taken pride in. In a college town drinking, at any hour of the day, is acceptable... praised even. It's taken me three years to realize this is not real life. When I drink I hurt people. I almost lost my girlfriend, who I love SO much, the last time I drank. After a few "I'm sorry/I'll change" shpeels and a week or two of taking it easy I was back at it.
Needless to say, reality came knocking at my door that night and I now have a DUI to deal with. I am ashamed of myself and completely depressed. Drinking and driving isn't the problem. Drinking is.
I may not drink daily but when I do I binge drink. People often ask how much I drank the previous night and I never know the answer. I black out regularly. People tell me they are scared of me when I am that drunk. They say there is no stopping me from doing what I want to do. For me one is one too many and one more is NEVER enough.
For years I've lived under the guise of being a "student." Occasionally I'd think, "Man, I really don't know what I did last night" but I'd always justify it with the same response "It's okay! This is college!!" a phrase that has led me to the dark pit in which I now lay typing this "woe-is-me" essay with shame in my gut and tears in my eyes.
Please pray for me.
Not exactly sure what qualifies one as an "alcoholic." I certainly don't drink daily or even bi-daily, but weekly for sure. I am 21 years old and, like most my peers, I've been drinking for a few years now.
Growing up my parents drank wine occasionally, dad had a beer or two with dinner but nothing remotely close to a problem. I've never seen either of them drunk. Our neighbors, on the other hand, were raging alcoholics. For them beer was breakfast, lunch, dinner and desert. Until recently that was my perception of an "alcoholic"
As I mentioned earlier, I am only 21. Yet alcohol has been an integral part of my lifestyle for the past three years. I go to a big university. My freshman year I was "lucky" enough to land a job as a bouncer at a bar that the students here frequent regularly. One thing led to another and I was promoted to bartender. Nineteen years old tending bar....
Jump forward 3 years. The clean-slate, wide-eyed, freshman I once was has become a distant, foggy memory. Although the frequency of my drinking has never been much of an issue. A "seasoned vet" such as myself would never have a couple beers and call it a night.
My school is a huge party school, and something I've always taken pride in. In a college town drinking, at any hour of the day, is acceptable... praised even. It's taken me three years to realize this is not real life. When I drink I hurt people. I almost lost my girlfriend, who I love SO much, the last time I drank. After a few "I'm sorry/I'll change" shpeels and a week or two of taking it easy I was back at it.
Needless to say, reality came knocking at my door that night and I now have a DUI to deal with. I am ashamed of myself and completely depressed. Drinking and driving isn't the problem. Drinking is.
I may not drink daily but when I do I binge drink. People often ask how much I drank the previous night and I never know the answer. I black out regularly. People tell me they are scared of me when I am that drunk. They say there is no stopping me from doing what I want to do. For me one is one too many and one more is NEVER enough.
For years I've lived under the guise of being a "student." Occasionally I'd think, "Man, I really don't know what I did last night" but I'd always justify it with the same response "It's okay! This is college!!" a phrase that has led me to the dark pit in which I now lay typing this "woe-is-me" essay with shame in my gut and tears in my eyes.
Please pray for me.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,913
Welcome to SR! If you want to quit drinking, you will find a lot of support here. Alcohol is no respecter of persons. It doesn't care if you are young or old, rich or poor, educated or not. Sometimes, it takes something like a DUI or some other event to make us open our eyes and see that we have a problem.
This forum is full of great people who understand what you are dealing with. I hope you'll stick around and let us help you. You can recover.
This forum is full of great people who understand what you are dealing with. I hope you'll stick around and let us help you. You can recover.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
welcome to SR seekinthebridge 
I don't think it matters how much we drink, how often, or what we call ourselves...
to me, what matters is knowing - accepting - there's a problem, and doing something about it
You'll find a lot of support here - this is a great community to be part of
D
I don't think it matters how much we drink, how often, or what we call ourselves...
to me, what matters is knowing - accepting - there's a problem, and doing something about it
You'll find a lot of support here - this is a great community to be part of
D
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Seems to be a sad state you are in, seekinthebridge. There is plenty of good in what you posted though. You are very young, and still in school, a perfect time to set this alcohol aside and do it sober. You have resources through the college, your time is flexible, and you can frame your commitment to not drinking any way that suits you. These freedoms most certainly disappear as the years and the responsibility mount and the addiction tightens itself around your life.
You are used to digging for information, sorting, classifying, and making a choice. Are you ready to make a choice about your continued use of alcohol?
You are used to digging for information, sorting, classifying, and making a choice. Are you ready to make a choice about your continued use of alcohol?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome seek! We're so happy you're here. You're never alone with this - we all understand.
I'd love to be 21 again and be smart enough to see where my drinking is headed. I commend you for taking a hard look at what it's doing to you and taking action. You can turn it all around and have a wonderful life. Please keep reading & posting here. Your thread is important to us, not just one of many. I'm very glad you came here to talk about this.
I'd love to be 21 again and be smart enough to see where my drinking is headed. I commend you for taking a hard look at what it's doing to you and taking action. You can turn it all around and have a wonderful life. Please keep reading & posting here. Your thread is important to us, not just one of many. I'm very glad you came here to talk about this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 4
Thanks to all who responded. It means so much. I've read a lot on here about AA and have also been researching it. My dad told me it has helped a lot of our family; I had no idea. I called the local AA and was prompted to leave my name and number. I did. I will continue to post my progress as well as read the progress of others. So glad I found this website and will be here daily from here on out. Down the road, I hope this DUI will be the best thing that ever happened to me -a turning point in my life.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Search: aa city florida
The AA site ends with something like aa.org
You'll find a meeting list.
Glad you've found out at a young age. You aren't the youngest, but you haven't messed up your life like I did. ouch
I know you will be able to recover and your life will be awesome! Find that AA meeting and go. There's also a Young People in AA group.
I wish you well!
Love,
The AA site ends with something like aa.org
You'll find a meeting list.
Glad you've found out at a young age. You aren't the youngest, but you haven't messed up your life like I did. ouch
I know you will be able to recover and your life will be awesome! Find that AA meeting and go. There's also a Young People in AA group.
I wish you well!
Love,
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