Terrified.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 415
Terrified.
I really want to stop using for good..
I'm just so scared that I'll start doing really well, and then I'll give up and lose everything. I hate being trapped in this vicious cycle..
My addiction looks for every excuse possible for me to get high. It lies to me and tells me I can use in moderation, and half of the time I believe it..
I'm not sure what to do. I don't know if I'm ready to surrender. The fear of relapsing is holding me back from even trying to stay clean. I just got high last night, and I feel like **** emotionally today.
Well, at least one of my favorite NA meetings is today.
I'm just so scared that I'll start doing really well, and then I'll give up and lose everything. I hate being trapped in this vicious cycle..
My addiction looks for every excuse possible for me to get high. It lies to me and tells me I can use in moderation, and half of the time I believe it..
I'm not sure what to do. I don't know if I'm ready to surrender. The fear of relapsing is holding me back from even trying to stay clean. I just got high last night, and I feel like **** emotionally today.
Well, at least one of my favorite NA meetings is today.
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Jake.... I really understand what you are saying.
Being afraid of getting better is something I deal with everyday. I am so used to failing that it feels better. But we both know it's not better.
You have your horse and cart in the wrong order here.
You cannot relapse unless you try to not use. You cannot feel better unless you do not use.
Give it you all. If its not enough at first it does not mean it is never enough.
This is a process for some. It takes a while to come around to the idea that we cannot do certain things.
Your very normal in your thinking. But go to your meeting tonight. Don't use. Post hear about how your feelings.
Being afraid of getting better is something I deal with everyday. I am so used to failing that it feels better. But we both know it's not better.
You have your horse and cart in the wrong order here.
You cannot relapse unless you try to not use. You cannot feel better unless you do not use.
Give it you all. If its not enough at first it does not mean it is never enough.
This is a process for some. It takes a while to come around to the idea that we cannot do certain things.
Your very normal in your thinking. But go to your meeting tonight. Don't use. Post hear about how your feelings.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((jake)) - I definitely did not enter recovery all gung ho about never using again. The few things I was sure of was: I was miserable after having had some clean time then relapsing and I wanted to "get clean for a while". In the back of my head, I still was not ready to say "for good".
I promised I'd give recovery everything I had for 6 months. If, at the end of that 6 months I was still miserable, well crack was everywhere. Crazy thing is, it didn't take 6 months before I was okay with the thought of never using again. I've been in recovery a little over 5 years and I don't miss those using days AT all.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I promised I'd give recovery everything I had for 6 months. If, at the end of that 6 months I was still miserable, well crack was everywhere. Crazy thing is, it didn't take 6 months before I was okay with the thought of never using again. I've been in recovery a little over 5 years and I don't miss those using days AT all.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,603
I understand the fear too. I was afraid of succeeding.
What if...I actually stopped drinking and could live the life I wanted? A terrifying thought to me. I was quite comfortable with failure. I really had to take a leap of faith to stop drinking and begin recovery and I'm so glad I did.
What if...I actually stopped drinking and could live the life I wanted? A terrifying thought to me. I was quite comfortable with failure. I really had to take a leap of faith to stop drinking and begin recovery and I'm so glad I did.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,608
I was terrified too Jakec - of both failing again and succeeding.
The best thing I found to do was to surround myself with good people - and call on them when I needed help - before I drank/used.
It's all about making different decisions - thats what gets us further down the road...and that's what makes our recovery that little bit stronger the next time
It's a hard journey - but no harder than being in addiction IMO...and this time you have support
Use it Jake
D
The best thing I found to do was to surround myself with good people - and call on them when I needed help - before I drank/used.
It's all about making different decisions - thats what gets us further down the road...and that's what makes our recovery that little bit stronger the next time
It's a hard journey - but no harder than being in addiction IMO...and this time you have support
Use it Jake
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
