Opiate Withdrawal...again...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 31
Opiate Withdrawal...again...
I am new to recovery (again) and know that I need to do something different this time. I am not good about asking for help and so stubborn that I really believe that I need to do this myself, by myself. But I also know that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
I have been off opiates for 6 days. This is not unfamiliar territory for me because I have run out millions of times and had to endure withdrawals. I started using opiates in high school, and at times when I had access, it would spiral out of control, but never for long. I picked up a meth addition in college for 9 months without anyone around me knowing. One day I realized the drug just wasnt fun anymore and I told my boyfriend I was using and quit shortly thereafter. It has been 12 years and I have no interest.
My love of opiates is different, although it has gotten to the same point. I quit a year and half ago because I was exhausted trying to find pills and I was no longer feeling "positive" effects. I was sober for 2 months when I found out I was pregnant. Fortunately I stayed sober the entire pregnancy but feared what would happen when I was no longer.
Just as I had predicted, there were complications with my delivery and I ended up undergoing surgery and prescribed Vicodin with 1 refill. It has been 10 months now and I have been using up to 30 Norco again a day, on and off. All those positive effects are gone now. Even after popping 10 pills I wasnt even sure if I had taken anything. I would have to actually try and remember if I had grabbed some. Trying to obtain them is so exhausting. I had gone to such extreme lengths but was no longer driven to try. How is it that I could still want to use something that is costing me so much, killing me, hurting my young child, and not even causing any positive feelings anymore?!
Again, no one knows that I have been using. I told my husband (the boyfriend from 12 years ago that I had told about the meth addiction) when I was on day 1 of the withdrawals. Every time I have been ready to tell him, I have been too over the drug to care if he knows. He is the most amazing, supportive husband, but he does not understand addiction at all.
I know I need to do something different this time. I have no interest in obtaining pills but somewhere in the back of my mind I keep thinking I will get sober but one day I can have one for fun. I know that is not possible for me. I am going to counseling twice a week but I know it isnt enough. I have no problem admitting I am an addict but I am just not ready for outside help. Everyone tells me this is not sustainable. I know they are right.
The people on these forums are amazing. I am so proud of the people on day 2, 8 and years of recovery. Each of you are inspiring. Sorry for the long dissertation. I have never written in a forum, blog or review before. Maybe I am at least doing 1 thing different.
I have been off opiates for 6 days. This is not unfamiliar territory for me because I have run out millions of times and had to endure withdrawals. I started using opiates in high school, and at times when I had access, it would spiral out of control, but never for long. I picked up a meth addition in college for 9 months without anyone around me knowing. One day I realized the drug just wasnt fun anymore and I told my boyfriend I was using and quit shortly thereafter. It has been 12 years and I have no interest.
My love of opiates is different, although it has gotten to the same point. I quit a year and half ago because I was exhausted trying to find pills and I was no longer feeling "positive" effects. I was sober for 2 months when I found out I was pregnant. Fortunately I stayed sober the entire pregnancy but feared what would happen when I was no longer.
Just as I had predicted, there were complications with my delivery and I ended up undergoing surgery and prescribed Vicodin with 1 refill. It has been 10 months now and I have been using up to 30 Norco again a day, on and off. All those positive effects are gone now. Even after popping 10 pills I wasnt even sure if I had taken anything. I would have to actually try and remember if I had grabbed some. Trying to obtain them is so exhausting. I had gone to such extreme lengths but was no longer driven to try. How is it that I could still want to use something that is costing me so much, killing me, hurting my young child, and not even causing any positive feelings anymore?!
Again, no one knows that I have been using. I told my husband (the boyfriend from 12 years ago that I had told about the meth addiction) when I was on day 1 of the withdrawals. Every time I have been ready to tell him, I have been too over the drug to care if he knows. He is the most amazing, supportive husband, but he does not understand addiction at all.
I know I need to do something different this time. I have no interest in obtaining pills but somewhere in the back of my mind I keep thinking I will get sober but one day I can have one for fun. I know that is not possible for me. I am going to counseling twice a week but I know it isnt enough. I have no problem admitting I am an addict but I am just not ready for outside help. Everyone tells me this is not sustainable. I know they are right.
The people on these forums are amazing. I am so proud of the people on day 2, 8 and years of recovery. Each of you are inspiring. Sorry for the long dissertation. I have never written in a forum, blog or review before. Maybe I am at least doing 1 thing different.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Welcome to SR BrokenlilHorse
I have no experience myself with opiate addiction but I know you'll find a lot of support here BLH
You might also like to visit our substance abuse forum:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Congratulations on 6 days
D
I have no experience myself with opiate addiction but I know you'll find a lot of support here BLH
You might also like to visit our substance abuse forum:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Congratulations on 6 days
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 31
Thank you all for your kind words. Today is day 7 and I feel pretty darn good. Depression is the worst part for me (I think that is what I was treating with the drugs) so that's the biggest struggle. I have no urge to use, but as all of us know, that can change in an instant. I keep reminding myself where I will end up if I start up again. Its not worth it! Thanks again for the posts. I love hearing other people's success stories and determination.
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