Weasel1966

RR.... Thanks!

I feel I get it.... It's ridiculous I ran back there yesterday. I feel it. I see it. I know it.

Doing better than when I woke up this morning.

I must put fear of being better aside to get better. Stop tripping over my self loathing enough to take a breath.

Thanks again.

Stevie1

I'm sorry Weasel. The fact you're here and being honest means a lot...and you know which fork of the crossroads to take.
(((Ken)))

Weasel1966

Yes I do know the fork to take.... Always start from the outside and work in.

*wink*

Zencat

((((Ken))))

I think I understand. I too identify with the living, with being alive here and now. I experience the joys and sorrows of day to day living. I have these experiences and I don't identify myself as those experiences.

Weasel1966

Thanks zen cat

I am tiered of the lip service I give you all. Time to put up or shut up.

freshstart57

Next time you think you want to pick up, try something different. You want a different outcome, no?

bloss

One common thing about all or most of us is the desire to drink despite where we know it will take us. I have lain in bed or on the floor the next morning just wishing I had died. But, I am glad I didn't and I am glad you are still able to post. If my post or your post or anyone's post helps just one person, our struggle has been worth it. We can become sober, each one of us. Glad you are here. Much Love...

Weasel1966

Thank you bloss
I did want to die this morning.
Yesterday I ignored everything... And everyone that would get in the way of drinking.
I thought of several of you.
Thought how disappointed you may be to see me not make a weekend.
Like I mentioned earlier that if just felt wrong to be sitting there drinking.
I felt like I did it because that's what I always do on Sundays.

I thought long and hard about just never signing on again so I did not have to tell anyone.

Then what good would that do me? This is no game. This is serious stuff. If I hide I only hurt myself.... And I certainly have done to much of that already.

mecanix

Whats the plan for next weekend ?

M

Weasel1966

Fair question.

I made arrangements with someone here to speak on the phone each day over the weekend.

I Will be on sr a lot. Post a lot.

I am reading my recovery books.

And continue to reach out when I need help.

More importantly than trying to not do something is to do something. I plan on going to a new beach that I want to visit. I made plans for dinner as well.

It's about getting out and living.

mecanix

Sounds like a plan, a different approach, thats cool .

I know i have a brain that can think it's way round a corkscrew and i end up a mad ball of confusion unless i try to occupie my time . I always have back up plans to hand, guitar, dvd's, books, i may even join a gym soon and spend some of the weekend there .

M