britchic1

Hi,

I am new to this site... I recently exited a verbally abusive relationship with an alcoholic/drug abuser (only pot to my knowledge, nothing "horrible"). The relationship went back and forth for about a year, make up/break up, etc. and finally he seems to have moved on and doesn't want me anymore.

I feel so unneeded
I feel so unloved
The fears that I'm "not good enough" seem to again be surfacing
I feel empty without him even though it was so bad, as we talked every day.

I grew up as a pastor's kid, but in a highly disfunctional family. My mom was daughter of an abusive alcoholic and my dad is very controlling. They are great people but were very absent and I cant seem to obtain good relationship skills as an adult and on my own.

I just wanted to fit in, and it seems like my ex cared about me and provided me with a lot of fun and mutual friends. I have my own big time problems, struggling with bulimia and serious depression.. when I found him and busied my life up with other things, I was able to end the bulimia totally, though I seem to be seeping back into depression. My ex was into drugs, alcohol... and so were his friends.. but I finally didn't feel alone, instead I felt included and cared about. I always seem to feel alone unless I'm in the drama of a bad relationship.. How can I just meet good people who are able to have a relationship with me... as a single 34 y/o it seems everyone is married or highly disfunctional..

Anyway, I am sorry for rambling. I guess this is my selfish way of reaching out and hoping for some understanding. I have an interview tomorrow for a new job (yay) since my current contract is ending, and would love to be in a good emotional state... but it's just so hard feeling abandoned..

Thank you and hope you are all having a nice Sunday.

sweetnlow77

Hello there girl, i'm also new to this site, and am already finding it to be a Godsend. Interacting with others is a basic need, not selfish at all! You are doing the right thing by reaching out, talking, and looking for healthy relationships!! This site has lots of great postings that have helped me already, so i encourage you to stick around.

sissy07

Verbally abusive relationships are extremely draining and, to some extent, soul-crushing. I was in one for 18 years. Don't believe his negativity and be glad that it is over. I know that it is difficult in the beginning, because you are so beaten down by the verbal abuse, but it will get better. Just do what you are supposed to do and take care of yourself. A little time will do wonders. Take care.

DisplacedGRITS

i've been lucky not to be in an abusive relationship with anyone but myself. i can't imagine what you've been through. have you thought about seeing a counselor or therapist? it could really help to work it through with a professional since you've been in such emotionally unstable relationships throughout your life. everyone deserves a relationship where they're respected and honored. of course you feel unneeded and unloved. you were abused and someone who does that to you is going to try their darndest to leave you in that kind of state. they have cold, withered souls and want to bring people around them down to their level. give yourself time to heal and seek help. you need to take care of yourself, build yourself up and get in touch with who you are as an independent person before you jump into a new relationship. you are an individual, worthy of honor, respect and love. honor, respect and love yourself by finding some help if you haven't already. it's not a sign of weakness or anything. lawd, i've been talking to therapists for probably 10 years now. i haven't worn out my welcome with one yet! you are a worthy person. don't let someone else's cruelty eat at your soul.

britchic1

These replies were all so kind and make me feel better, thanks. I used to love weekends, but the past few have been really hard and lonely. Also, losing my job has coincided with the breakup and it's just got me feeling really unstable.

DisplacedGRITS, maybe you are right about counseling. I have been before to 2 seperate psychologists at different times in my life and one was great and recommended the book "boundaries" to me (helpful), the other really bad. I think the second may have scared me off, but I may need to venture out there again. Also, I tried CODA, but the particular group I went to seemed so depressing to me. I'm sure that's not always the case. I just want so bad to not need any counseling or support groups and just be able to enjoy my life (that usually entails bad relationships), so maybe that is denial.

Thank you