Weasel1966

So this is my second post of the day. Why you might ask?

I don't know.

If I knew why I needed SR I would tell not only you but all the world.

Either way I am grateful.

So on to the issues... No one posts unless they have issues... Right?

Nope... Not me. I am doing great. Just fine. All is well.

Don't need to tug on your sleeve for attention here. Nope not me.

You believe me?

I don't.

Wow.... Beat around the bush much?

Me I mean.

Being with my partner for 18 years next week is a blessing and curse. He was an addict when we met. Now I am.

It sounds like I blame him but no....I am who I am and if that was brought out in me... It would have happened anyway.

But.... And there is always a but....

Getting sober and clean together is tough.

I have soooooooooooo much love in my heart for him.

I want nothing more than to take the pain away.

But if I learned nothing else from SR, it's that, take the pain away from yourself and others will follow.

It's hard to type though tears.... The keyboard gets wet.

The kitty at my feet keeps purring in hopes that everything gets better.

So do I.

Anna

I think getting sober together would be hard.

I don't know if I would have had enough energy to focus on someone else's recovery in the early days. Does your partner want to recover?

jstar

Hang in there weasel! The road is long & hard I know, but just keep posting! Hope you have some support in life outside SR as well. Prayers to you today!

Weasel1966

He says he does.... Yet waits for me to lead us. I am not... Let me repeat... Not... Strong enough.

Support? No.. No one knows but you folks. We... He... Is very very carefully to keep it a secret.

Even the damn drunks at the bar know nothing of the drugs. That's funny in a way.

I am focusing on myself. I think.

No judgements or advice needed today. Just be there please.

Jeni26

Weasel, I'm with you xx.
My H and I are both alcoholics, and both facing it together. He isn't following the same path to recovery-no SR, no AA, just quitting for him. I have no idea if he will falter, he talks about what he misses about drinking far more than what he gains from sobriety. I worry.
All I can do is listen and not judge him. I need to put my sobriety first and am doing just that. Arming myself against the temptations, standing strong in the face of self-doubt, reaching out to my alcoholic friends.
You must look after yourself in the midst of this. You have been together a long time, the same as us. Find a balance and do not become responsible for him.
You are a strong guy. I love reading your posts. Hang in there xxx

Weasel1966

Jeni.... Thanks... You're awesome!

Again I am not trying to blame... But to describe....

He says nothing but acts in ways to get me to accept drinking and drugs.

Does that make sense?

I know... And you all will tell me.... But I try and wind up giving in.

There are no figures of blame. If any at myself.

I am staying sober.... Every day I can. And in that time I do not drink, I live. Not just a little bit.... But I live. And love

Thanks for the space to share.

mecanix

Wow 18 years is a long time , i hope i find a partner and build a lasting relationship like that .

I know for a long time my affair with drinking came first , now i've dumped the drink there might be room for someone . Maybe someone will come along maybe they wont . Other people are uncontrolable, if i force myself through hoops and try to be a better this or that for someone, i tend to fall flat .

It must be hard to quit together , i'd imagine you individually have to have twice the strength to resist the double collective weaknesses .

You're so strong fighting this , M

LDT

I have had enough on my plate these last 18 months with my own recovery. No way I was strong enough to effectively assist anyone else in theirs.

Weasel1966

If love is a gift... Then I have been blessed.

18 years is such a short time in terms of love.

I will never let go.

Unless.......

HitRockBottom70

Hey Ken,
Just thinking about you. Keep strong buddy! I know what you are dealing with is hard. I don't think I could have come where I did without a partner that was supportive and does not have the same problem. Don't get me wrong, he has problems too, just not the same problem. But I read from many on this site that are dealing with the same issue you are and they are making it. They have a spouse/partner still drinking and getting drunk. They are making it... So it is not impossible. It just takes a hell of a lot more work, which sucks because this is a HUGE enough job as it is.
I wish you strength.

Weasel1966

Thank rock.... It is tougher but I agree... Not Impossible I stayed sober.

I am also ecstatic as we had a real heart to heart. He wants to make the same commitment. That's huge!!!!!

I know we will make it.... And celebrate our 18th sober!!!!!

Wow.... Time has flown.... But then again... We were drunk a lot.

Feeling better. And hopeful.

Ken

HitRockBottom70

I am SO glad to hear that!

Anna

Ken, I'm glad you feel better now.

You two may be able to support each other, but I know for sure that you can show him by example, how you are living a sober life.

Weasel1966

You know what.... I read these things I post and cannot believe that I say these things so publicly.

There is a bit of embarrassment that naturally comes along with that.... But somehow the help and confirmations make it all worth it.

Thanks.

Weasel1966

Thanks Anna.... I have not been perfect as you well know.... The people here are true examples.

Itchy

Glad the posting has calmed you down a bit and enough for you now to feel a bit public about it. Consider this. Online everybody is anonymous if they choose and most do, especially here. As a result we see the darker side a lot as folks troll get mean and some even take pleasure in hurting others online and are proud of that! No one here is judging you or sending anything to you but support. I would not worry about posting your feelings here. That what they were here for, for me, and what I am now able to be here for, for others. Your turn will come too.

Weasel1966

Itchy, thanks.

SR is unique in that there is an overwhelmly large number of very compassionate people. I know you are by the support I see you give others.

When no ne else knows in my "real" life.... Having this forum means all that much more.

And quite honestly.... If there are those that judge... I'm ok with that. It's almost expected.

Ken

Dee74

I'm glad you're feeling better Ken.

Like others have said - it's best to focus on yourself - it's not selfish, it's not unloving - it's simply your journey.

Otherwise, it's like trying to do someone else's breathing for them.

Things have a way of sorting themselves out - sometimes it's the way we want, sometimes, not, but they do work out

D

Stevie1

Wow weasel/Ken....first let me congratulate you on 18 years with your partner. Not many people achieve that and I think it speaks volumes about your commitment! My wish for you two is continued healthy sobriety.

MalkavianEmily

Weasel, congratulations on 18 years together. That's really good. And I'm glad that things are looking up.
And yes, this is a safe place. A place where we can say how we feel, and not worry about how people will react. Not worry that we'll be judged. Know that people will understand.