What values are helping you?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 65
What values are helping you?
My second weekend is approaching. It will be the second weekend without drinking.
I have realised that I needed to rediscover in myself lost values in order to face my addiction.
For instance by putting God and family first I realised I was worrying too much for secondary stuff that did not really matter in my life. I went to church and asked God to give me the strength to be a better man, and I was a better man for the entire week!
I also realised that I am fundamentally honest. I cannot live well without integrity. I will not compromise this value for money. Now I know that and I feel better!
Basically I have realised that by getting my values and priorities right I feel more in peace and stronger. And this helps me stay sober!
What values are helping you? :-)
I have realised that I needed to rediscover in myself lost values in order to face my addiction.
For instance by putting God and family first I realised I was worrying too much for secondary stuff that did not really matter in my life. I went to church and asked God to give me the strength to be a better man, and I was a better man for the entire week!
I also realised that I am fundamentally honest. I cannot live well without integrity. I will not compromise this value for money. Now I know that and I feel better!
Basically I have realised that by getting my values and priorities right I feel more in peace and stronger. And this helps me stay sober!
What values are helping you? :-)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
This thread is a good idea. Thank you for starting it. A value led life feels wonderful, when they are truly our own values we are following. When recovering, discovering my own value (as opposed to those of friends, family, and society) is crucial and ongoing. I recall feeling that way when divorcing, and feeling that way when a parent died, and again in February when stopping alcohol. I'm starting to think all points of loss and individuation are natural points of values reassessment.
For sobriety, honesty was a motivator. And intimacy. I really could not share honestly with myself or others with my secret. I was always witholding. Always ashamed. So wanting to feel the good traits that I knew I had in me somewhere was another motivator. Wanting to be a better parent, grandparent, and daughter to my father were motivators. Improving my health.
And a major motivator was realizing that when my Mom died, this life does NOT last forever. Did I want to spend whatever gift of time i have left to me sitting alone with alcohol? No, I decided. Was it right to abuse my body with alcohol? No, was my answer. And I wanted to respect my Mothers memory properly also. What she wouldn't have given for another day! I could not in good conscience go on wasting my days.
Thank you very much for helping me remember that part about my Mother. It is key for me and this post helped me reconnect with it.
For sobriety, honesty was a motivator. And intimacy. I really could not share honestly with myself or others with my secret. I was always witholding. Always ashamed. So wanting to feel the good traits that I knew I had in me somewhere was another motivator. Wanting to be a better parent, grandparent, and daughter to my father were motivators. Improving my health.
And a major motivator was realizing that when my Mom died, this life does NOT last forever. Did I want to spend whatever gift of time i have left to me sitting alone with alcohol? No, I decided. Was it right to abuse my body with alcohol? No, was my answer. And I wanted to respect my Mothers memory properly also. What she wouldn't have given for another day! I could not in good conscience go on wasting my days.
Thank you very much for helping me remember that part about my Mother. It is key for me and this post helped me reconnect with it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Columbus Ohio
Posts: 10
First thing that popped in my head was Accountability. I want a better quality of life for myself and am tired of the self sabotage that has been going on in my life. I decided I am a good man who needed to address his problems and want to be the best man I can be by working through them. Good, kind, honest, and healthy for myself, my friends and at some point in time a new relationship that will not be burdened as my last one was with my drinking. I am going after my self respect again.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Thanks icanwin - great idea for a thread 
I found I'd become a really debased version of myself by the end - in my case my valuies really did change.
One of the great joys of my recovery was reconnecting with a me I'd forgotten about and picking up those lost values again
Like you've all said - I've learned whats important, and for me it's not money or fame or anything material like that. Life is short and it is important to really live every day...and it's vital to strive to be honest - both with myself and my dealings with others
I've also learned to love and value myself. I'd never done that before even before I lost myself in drugs and drink...it was a major change for me - and another great gift
D
I found I'd become a really debased version of myself by the end - in my case my valuies really did change.
One of the great joys of my recovery was reconnecting with a me I'd forgotten about and picking up those lost values again
Like you've all said - I've learned whats important, and for me it's not money or fame or anything material like that. Life is short and it is important to really live every day...and it's vital to strive to be honest - both with myself and my dealings with others
I've also learned to love and value myself. I'd never done that before even before I lost myself in drugs and drink...it was a major change for me - and another great gift
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 65
Originally Posted by EternalQ 
This thread is a good idea. Thank you for starting it. A value led life feels wonderful, when they are truly our own values we are following. When recovering, discovering my own value (as opposed to those of friends, family, and society) is crucial and ongoing. I recall feeling that way when divorcing, and feeling that way when a parent died, and again in February when stopping alcohol. I'm starting to think all points of loss and individuation are natural points of values reassessment.
For sobriety, honesty was a motivator. And intimacy. I really could not share honestly with myself or others with my secret. I was always witholding. Always ashamed. So wanting to feel the good traits that I knew I had in me somewhere was another motivator. Wanting to be a better parent, grandparent, and daughter to my father were motivators. Improving my health.
And a major motivator was realizing that when my Mom died, this life does NOT last forever. Did I want to spend whatever gift of time i have left to me sitting alone with alcohol? No, I decided. Was it right to abuse my body with alcohol? No, was my answer. And I wanted to respect my Mothers memory properly also. What she wouldn't have given for another day! I could not in good conscience go on wasting my days.
Thank you very much for helping me remember that part about my Mother. It is key for me and this post helped me reconnect with it.
For sobriety, honesty was a motivator. And intimacy. I really could not share honestly with myself or others with my secret. I was always witholding. Always ashamed. So wanting to feel the good traits that I knew I had in me somewhere was another motivator. Wanting to be a better parent, grandparent, and daughter to my father were motivators. Improving my health.
And a major motivator was realizing that when my Mom died, this life does NOT last forever. Did I want to spend whatever gift of time i have left to me sitting alone with alcohol? No, I decided. Was it right to abuse my body with alcohol? No, was my answer. And I wanted to respect my Mothers memory properly also. What she wouldn't have given for another day! I could not in good conscience go on wasting my days.
Thank you very much for helping me remember that part about my Mother. It is key for me and this post helped me reconnect with it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
What a great thread!
Honesty and Acceptance have got to be the big ringers for me. Being honest with myself is a crazy concept. Im doing it though. Telling people what actually is going on as opposed to my fuzzy skewed version is a deep breath.
Accepting others and how they are is tough but rewarding when I let things go.
Honesty and Acceptance have got to be the big ringers for me. Being honest with myself is a crazy concept. Im doing it though. Telling people what actually is going on as opposed to my fuzzy skewed version is a deep breath.
Accepting others and how they are is tough but rewarding when I let things go.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
The honesty in my life has given my heart wings! Not hiding alcohol, hiding the finances, being scared dricing, switching liquor stores, sobering up and trying to hide the signs that i'm drunk...just so many things weights taken of my chest. Embracing honesty in my feelings, in my real life. I pay my bills in a more timely manner, i put things off less and it all seems to stem from this honesty. It's freed me. Finally.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Ah, humility. Excellent one, Itchy! Humility taught me that i was indeed an alcoholic. Not someone who could have a couple of drinks and be fine. When i learned to humble myself to alcohol and admit defeat, i was ready to start working on lasting sobriety. Before that, i thought i was in control. I thought i knew myself and my addiction better than anyone. I was wrong. So wrong. When i went to AA on March 9, 20 i went there humbled and ready to do whatever i was told to do. They said don't drink, read the book, see you tomorrow. I did what i was told and i am grateful for the humility that has made it's home in my heart that allowed me to do so. I may be a smart cookie but i can't outsmart this. Follow the rules. Rule 1: don't drink. Rule 2: repeat Rule 1 daily and nightly. Rule 3: do not deviate from Rules 1 & 2.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 65
You are all great people. If I have a bad day YOU ALL are the people helping me. Each one of your post is a message that says: "I care about you".
I start believing the value number one to recover or do anything else in life is "love and being loved" :-)
I start believing the value number one to recover or do anything else in life is "love and being loved" :-)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Auckland NZ
Posts: 90
Love and faith. In myself and my higher power. Patience and faith, I am on the right path. Forgiveness - HUGE for me, forgiveness of myself and others is key to my peace of mind. Humility - without this my ego tries to take control, my ego has done nothing for me I am replacing it with self esteem via living with values, and of course forgiving myself and others once again for the human side of me, the imperfections are a part of the whole. Faith, in the program to remove those shortcomings that are self defeating.
Faith keeps cropping up for me. Letting go is crucial for my peace of mind, also tied in with forgiveness, faith that this is occuring despite what my (ego driven) thoughts try to tell me at times.
Wonderful theme for a thread, thank you.
Faith keeps cropping up for me. Letting go is crucial for my peace of mind, also tied in with forgiveness, faith that this is occuring despite what my (ego driven) thoughts try to tell me at times.
Wonderful theme for a thread, thank you.
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