drinking now. was at +39 days.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 151
drinking now. was at +39 days.
I've seen a few people make some of these threads, so here goes.
first of all, allow me to tip my cap to AA partisans: I am an AA anti-partisan, this is fact, and have gone after you all on occasion. and I am drinking: feel free to consider this a small victory for your program and ideology, I am perfectly willing to play the necessary part.
depression had been getting me the last few days... I have not been sleeping well for some time now. everything seemed at best ok, but mostly bleak and uninteresting. I still hold self-defeating existential beliefs, despite flirtations with Christ, I just don't believe it. I'm an intellectual type. I believe that humanity is ultimately doomed, as is the universe. I'm a misanthrope. I find most people appalling, and can understand why others would feel the same about me.
so the idea popped into my head at 6pm and rapidly progressed, and I ultimately chose to do it. I am on my third beer now. my family does not know. I bought a twelve-pack, stashed six in a small cooler which sits in a draw in my dresser. I'm feeling good, the 'hit' is coming along well, my familiar friend is back.
comments and questions welcome.
first of all, allow me to tip my cap to AA partisans: I am an AA anti-partisan, this is fact, and have gone after you all on occasion. and I am drinking: feel free to consider this a small victory for your program and ideology, I am perfectly willing to play the necessary part.
depression had been getting me the last few days... I have not been sleeping well for some time now. everything seemed at best ok, but mostly bleak and uninteresting. I still hold self-defeating existential beliefs, despite flirtations with Christ, I just don't believe it. I'm an intellectual type. I believe that humanity is ultimately doomed, as is the universe. I'm a misanthrope. I find most people appalling, and can understand why others would feel the same about me.
so the idea popped into my head at 6pm and rapidly progressed, and I ultimately chose to do it. I am on my third beer now. my family does not know. I bought a twelve-pack, stashed six in a small cooler which sits in a draw in my dresser. I'm feeling good, the 'hit' is coming along well, my familiar friend is back.
comments and questions welcome.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Pour the beer out and put a pot of coffee on.
You don't have to get drunk tonight.
It's hard to quit drinking while drinking.
I don't want to get drunk tonight.
If I did, I don't think I would come here to a site where people are trying to stay sober and brag about how good drinking feels.
Alcohol is no friend.
I can relate with feeling so negative.
I am sorry you are in that headspace.
You don't have to get drunk tonight.
It's hard to quit drinking while drinking.
I don't want to get drunk tonight.
If I did, I don't think I would come here to a site where people are trying to stay sober and brag about how good drinking feels.
Alcohol is no friend.
I can relate with feeling so negative.
I am sorry you are in that headspace.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Like I said yesterday on another thread I find it hard to believe that people here would take pleasure in others pain Eternity...I know from my own experience it's a thought that occurred to me often when drinking tho.
I don't think we need muddy the waters with recovery programme discussions either...
I reckon the important thing is not what method we use or not but that you're reaching out here for help - and I know you'll find it
I'm not very familiar with SMART but I know you were posting about it and I've heard good things about it - maybe that's a good place to start?
D
I don't think we need muddy the waters with recovery programme discussions either...
I reckon the important thing is not what method we use or not but that you're reaching out here for help - and I know you'll find it
I'm not very familiar with SMART but I know you were posting about it and I've heard good things about it - maybe that's a good place to start?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Like I said yesterday on another thread I find it hard to believe that people here would take pleasure in others pain Eternity...I know from my own experience it's a thought that occurred to me often when drinking tho.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Coventry West Midlands
Posts: 56
Hi Eternity.
Maybe the feelings you have now are the reason you drank before. Perhaps its those feelings that really need dealing with.
After 39 days I doubt these feelings were down to what you used to drink.
Maybe you just got used to using alcohol to get rid of those feelings, but without dealing with them.
Would'nt it make sense to talk over and at least try to resolve these issue/feelings.
Cov.
Maybe the feelings you have now are the reason you drank before. Perhaps its those feelings that really need dealing with.
After 39 days I doubt these feelings were down to what you used to drink.
Maybe you just got used to using alcohol to get rid of those feelings, but without dealing with them.
Would'nt it make sense to talk over and at least try to resolve these issue/feelings.
Cov.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
AA people reach out to "the still-suffering alcoholic".
It is NOT "the still-suffering, AA, God-fearing, bible thumping alcoholic.
Get it done and out of your system.
Then, start again.
The very best of luck to you.
From a fellow alcoholic.
Anne
:ghug3
It is NOT "the still-suffering, AA, God-fearing, bible thumping alcoholic.
Get it done and out of your system.
Then, start again.
The very best of luck to you.
From a fellow alcoholic.
Anne
:ghug3
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Well, i'm an AAer and i don't have a problem for people who don't believe in the program. It works for most, it doesn't for some. I don't hate people who don't believe in AA or 12 step programs. I would hope not to be hated for working something that keeps me sober but i can't change how you feel so that's your issue, not mine.
Your choice to drink is yours. When you decide to stop drinking, we'll be here to help. I hope for your sake that is sooner better than later.
Your choice to drink is yours. When you decide to stop drinking, we'll be here to help. I hope for your sake that is sooner better than later.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Originally Posted by aNewEternity
'sadism' is a fundamental reality of human history, as far back as we can trace.
Originally Posted by aNewEternity
yep, Lexapro 20mg.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by Tippingpoint
Rational Recovery seems to be a good fit for us "intellectual types".
At the very least, you'll have no one to blame but yourself for any subsequent drinking you decide to do...
At the very least, you'll have no one to blame but yourself for any subsequent drinking you decide to do...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'm not familiar with Lexapro. I hope it's working for you...if it's not I hope you'll see your Dr.
D
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
ANE,
Mood swings are part of the package of this thing we call recovery, but for sure drinking will only perpetuate feeling depressed. I suggest you pick up "Under the Influence" - it's got a ton of information that really helped me in the early days. And despite going through a very good rehab of my own volition & doing all the "right things" I still struggled in the early months. If it's any consolation, what you are experiencing is normal.
Philosphy, recovery methods, and all that is useless talk while you continue to drink. I can attest that it never gets easier or better, and the consequences will accumulate. And regardless of your viewpoint or philosphy on life, if you are an alcoholic, drinking is suicide. Dump the beer, and call it a night. Tomorrow is another day... if you feel the same way you can decide how to deal with it then, but so long as you are drinking you are incapable of judging your own actions.
Good luck - what hapens to you matters to the wider world.
Mood swings are part of the package of this thing we call recovery, but for sure drinking will only perpetuate feeling depressed. I suggest you pick up "Under the Influence" - it's got a ton of information that really helped me in the early days. And despite going through a very good rehab of my own volition & doing all the "right things" I still struggled in the early months. If it's any consolation, what you are experiencing is normal.
Philosphy, recovery methods, and all that is useless talk while you continue to drink. I can attest that it never gets easier or better, and the consequences will accumulate. And regardless of your viewpoint or philosphy on life, if you are an alcoholic, drinking is suicide. Dump the beer, and call it a night. Tomorrow is another day... if you feel the same way you can decide how to deal with it then, but so long as you are drinking you are incapable of judging your own actions.
Good luck - what hapens to you matters to the wider world.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Originally Posted by aNewEternity
I've seen a few people make some of these threads, so here goes.
first of all, allow me to tip my cap to AA partisans: I am an AA anti-partisan, this is fact, and have gone after you all on occasion. and I am drinking: feel free to consider this a small victory for your program and ideology, I am perfectly willing to play the necessary part.
first of all, allow me to tip my cap to AA partisans: I am an AA anti-partisan, this is fact, and have gone after you all on occasion. and I am drinking: feel free to consider this a small victory for your program and ideology, I am perfectly willing to play the necessary part.
Spiritual Learner
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 165
We project out what we feel about ourselves< huh. Nobody is pleased about you drinking but the only way to stop is to stop. Action has to come before the drink, any kind of action. I know plenty of people who have depression and hide in some form of defect it doesn't have to be the drink.
Sometimes we outsmart ourselves so we can drink, I pray that you never give up hope for yourself, we live one day at a time whether we drink or not. Find a method that you are willing to put some effort in and go with that. If you put half the energy into that method that you put in for your drink, guess what when you have a bout of depression you won't have to drink over it, it will pass as every moment in our lives pass, we decide which one to bring back.
Hope you find your way, God Bless!!!
Sometimes we outsmart ourselves so we can drink, I pray that you never give up hope for yourself, we live one day at a time whether we drink or not. Find a method that you are willing to put some effort in and go with that. If you put half the energy into that method that you put in for your drink, guess what when you have a bout of depression you won't have to drink over it, it will pass as every moment in our lives pass, we decide which one to bring back.
Hope you find your way, God Bless!!!
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