searching4lite

Im new to this but reading the forums have truly already helped with the stage I've been in. I'm 23 and accepted I was and alcoholic 2 yrs ago. Ive quit twice and thought the last time was it. It was the end of the road and I took control of my life. I had picked my self up finally after ruining relationships/friendships and getting 2 DUIs by the time I was 22. I landed the man of my dreams, I got the best job I could ever hope for....until July 4th came around and i lost respect from friends again and lost the man I wanted to spend my life with.The "monster" started creeping its way back these last couple months. I had a previous addiction that helped me quit drinking but I had to quit that one because it was worse. So i picked up drinking agaik, thinking I was in control....needless to say I wasn't. When I quit the 1st time I was in denial that I needed outside help. I had the will-power to quit other things so thought it would be the same way with alcohol. But alcohol is the one thing that sneaks up on me and drowns me time and time again. I've now come to terms that I can't quit on my own. Reading these forums is my 1st step and later this week I will be attending my 1st AA meeting. As much as I am ashamed of myself I am truly happy I'm taking my 1st steps to full recovery. I know it won't be easy with the flashbacks and cravings but I'm trying my best to surround myself with supporters. Thank u for these forums, I don't feel completely alone anymore. I'm on my way searching for a new light.

Ranger

Welcome, Searching!

You can do this, Friend.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Searching

It really is great that you have come to that realisation at such a young age.

Glad you are here and good luck with that AA meeting! Let us know how it goes x

TTBABP

I have been hanging out and posting on this forum for almost one month now but I must admit I have not yet reached the point where I am able to say I am giving up drinking (even though I deep down know I must)

You are quite a bit younger than me and I so wish that you will make the pledge I have thus far been unable to - I wish I had done it 20 years ago. Don't let alcohol continue to control you. There are so many embarrassing and awful moments you will avoid if you just stop now- I speak from experience on that. Get whatever support you can find. I wish you all the best in AA and on your journey. You are very brave.

Hevyn

Welcome to the family, Searching. It's wonderful to have you be part of us.

I agree with TTBABP - wish I'd stopped allowing alcohol to control my life long ago. I would have avoided so much heartache and tragedy.

You'll never regret reclaiming your life. We're here to help in any way we can. Congratulations on your decision.

soberbrooke

Every time "I took control of my life" it went downhill. I had to learn to get into the Will of my Higher Power for it to work.

I screwed up over and over and over.

My will is what got me in this predicament in the first place. That is one of the 1st things I learned in AA. It is not about my will, it is about the Will of a Higher Power.

Anna

I'm glad you recognize that you need to stop drinking and that you are seeking support.

sissy07

Go for it! I think it is great that you realize this now....you are going to save your life. Take care.

artsoul

Welcome searching4lite.....

Definitely give yourself a lot of credit - it's not easy to break through the denial and start making changes. I know you'll find a ton of inspiration and wisdom here!

searching4lite

Thank u all so very much for replying. It brings tears to my eyes knowing I have support. It makes me want to seize a sober way of life even more now. I know I'm capable of staying sober for awhile because things are clear to me right now what I need to do but what happens in a year, 2 years, 5 years from now?? Will I still have the same strength and mindset to stay sober? Im scared ill start feeling I can have a few drinks here and there and before u know it I'm blacking out and ruining my life again. What have u all done to keep yourselves from staying away?
Any advice will help.
-a toast to recovery

reggiewayne

Welcome. The first AA meeting I ever went to I felt "at home". The group was very diverse. Like they say in meetings, "we're a group that would not normally mix" but we have such a strong connection through the disease of alcoholism.

I tried to quit on my own countless times. If you would have given me a lie detector test each time I said "I was done" I would have passed. I firmly meant it. The problem is I was fighting an obsession that only something greater than me could take away. I found that power in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I've learned that alcoholism is a two headed monster. You have the mental obsession and the physical craving. The mental obsession part is the constant thinking about drinking. Or not drinking, or planning on drinking... etc... For me, booze was always on my mind. I couldn't go one single day without thinking about alcohol. Even on the days I didn't drink, I was thinking about it.

The next part is the physical craving. When I take a drink, my body processes alcohol differently than non alcoholics. The more I drink the more I crave. That's why it was always impossible for me to drink 5 or 6. It was much easier for me to just not drink than it was to have a few.

I don't know if you relate to any of that but if you do there is good news and bad news. The good news is there is a cure. I have chosen AA but there are other programs out there but they all have one thing in common. Stopping drinking and focusing your mind elsewhere. The bad news is, once we cross the line into alcoholism, there is no going back. Once the cucumber becomes a pickle it can never go back to being a cucumber again. God knows I've tried it...

I really wish you the best. You've got your entire life in front of you. Do the work and get better, you won't regret it...

reggiewayne

Left on my own I WILL ALWAYS GO BACK. I've been told that the "ism" part in alcoholism stand for I: Incredibly S: Short M: Memory.

I have a disease that tells me I don't have a disease. By working the steps of AA I don't even have the desire to drink. It's so bizarre, but it's like the drinking problem was removed. I'm not fighting it or willing against it, it just simply doesn't exist.

Give it a try. If it worked for me it can work for you.

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

How about listening to recorded speaker meetings on xa-speakers.org?

Glad you are here!

searching4lite

Thank u reggiewayne for your response. It definitely gives me hope. Im like you, its better for me not to have any drinks than try to have just a few. Because for me its not going to stop at just a few. As much as i may kid myself. In the begijning, i dunno bout you but I always say I'm only gettin a small buzz then ill quit, but right when I say that to others or myself, I'm instantly telling myself that's a lie. U can't lie to yourself but I'm guessing I put it out of my mind so I can feel better about myself. So that when I do get blacked-out drunk I can try and act as though I didn't see it coming. I don't regret my DUIs or anything bad that's happened to me b/c of my alcoholism because if those things never woulda happened I never woulda been able to accept this "monster" I've been sharing a life with, and confronting it to rid myself of it. I hope AA does help, I have a positive attitude cuz I'm ready to get my life straight. I was told by someone close that as soon as they got rid of alcohol, life became simple. Most of their problems vanished. I'm praying for that. And also for the "incredibly short memory" part u described.

Again thank u for all ur support. All of your replies are what keeps me going.

imaquitter

Yes you definitely need to always be able to say no to that first drink. At least you are taking care of this a lot younger than most of us. I was right where you are 15 years ago and still chose to pick up that first drink many many 100's times until I recently said enough and it's for sure this time.