Someguy23

Personally, I think it's much simpler than that. Some people do have an natural abnormal reaction to alcohol, but they are rare and only a small fraction of alcoholics.

There are levels of consumption at which alcohol isn't addictive and levels at which it is. People's limits are as different as people are.

A normal drinker (who does like to drink, some just don't) goes to a first party, has two beers and enjoys it. It remains a pleasent memory, something he'll do again. He goes to a second party, has 6 beers, 5 shots and a few glasses of wine, pukes his guts out and has a huge hangover the next day. It remains an unpleasent memory, something he won't do again. He goes to a third party, has 4 beers and a couple of shots and enjoys himself but acts a bit silly and has a mild hangover the next day. It remains a mixed memory, something he might do again on special occasiona but not often. Already he has a rough idea what his limits are.

This is (one of) the reason why adolescent and student parties are often wilder than those of grown men, most of the revellers are still finding out exactly where their limits lie.

Future alcoholics just enjoy the buzz a little too much, for one reason or another, consume alcohol in dangerous levels a few too many times and wind up addicted to it. The more often they do it, the stronger the addiction and the more abnormal the reaction to alcohol will be in the future. No different from a heroin junky or a cokehead, and arguably worse than a stoner since weed doesn't cause physical addiction.

As for why some drink more than you do and don't have a problem with it, there can be a million reasons for that related to your metabolism. No one reacts quite the same way to the same substances. I'm not a big guy but I've met plenty of gorillas I could drink under the table. Meanwhile my mom could keep up with me just fine if she wanted to even though I've got 15 cms and 20 kgs on her...

doggonecarl

The alcoholic equivalent to chasing your tail. Spare yourself the agony. Even if you knew the answer, what would change? Would you still want to drink? Probably, because our addiction knows where the weak spots are in our armor of recovery.

Resentment about being alcoholic seems to be yours.

I wish you peace and strength.

Itchy

We all know the feeling. And alcoholics are dramatic to say the least even about being alcoholics. And especially when faced with truths we would rather avoid and procrastinate over. That is why we drink! All the petty daily grind and intrigues, politics and pain can be forgotten in an alcoholic haze.

Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>

I wished I could drink normally too and threw that self pity party for all of a minute and got over me. My Grandfather would tell me that if I spit in one hand and wish in the other, guess which one fills up first!
I loved that only because of the absurdity, as the word he used was not spit, but very close, I just took the hell out of it. The absurdity made me grin and get some perspective. I could go bonkers on why I am not rich, famous, or a million other things.

We all loved drinking when it was voluntary. Not so much when it became mandatory.

Oh and the answer to why everyone else seems to be able to handle it? How do you know they do? You would not know I was if you met me at my worst during mid day. I learned that boredom is wanting to do something, anything, as long as you don’t have to actually do something, to do it. Except drink.

We were all that ridiculous, missing the life we had right in front of us to drink ourselves under the table or over the side of a cruise ship. For sober people being on the cruise, enjoying the air and sun, and all the activities sans alcohol is enough. We all wanted to be over the top when drinking, nothing exciting was ever enough. We just hid in the dark and noise right out in the open, and it was never enough. You can't be a normal drinker. None of us could. That is why we are here, and sober.

I don't want to be a normal drinker. Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt and the postcards.

I don't want to be a social drinker. Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt and the postcards.

I don't want to be an abnormal drinker. Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt and the postcards.

I am not deprived. I am newly freed and still running around wondering how I could have forgotten how great it was to just be able, instead of dis-abled by alcohol. Being me is a bonus. You can do it. The rest of us scalawags did! Together.

Notmyrealname

You're at a point on your timeline where you've realized you have a problem with alcohol and are doing something about it. Maybe those people have a problem with alcohol in their past or future. Or maybe they just won't. Different strokes, different folks.

Why are frogs green? I don't know! I think it has something to do with evolution. Frogs don't care, though. They just hop.

The "Why me?" feelings are normal questions to ask. But the answer doesn't really matter, does it?

I can tell you why I drink to excess. Because when I drink, I like to drink a lot. I don't like what happens overall as consequences of me drinking a lot, though, so I don't drink. When it's not enough unless it's too much, it's best to just do something else entirely.

oinobares

I think there are a whole spectrum of reasons *why* I drank, many of them I still believe were good and healthy ones (many more not, of course). But along the lines of what Someguy said, these are not the same as the reason *why* I became an alcoholic. Firstly, I drank to self-medicate emotional pain and anxiety; I also drank to celebrate and have fun. Any occasion was suitable. I suppose any self-medication raises the red flag for alcoholism, although my wife is a total "normie" and she still drinks "to relax" sometimes, and if that isn't some level of medication I don't know what it is.

The alcoholic in me emerged after many years of thoroughly and regularly saturating my bodily tissues in huge concentrations of alcohol. My tolerance grew and grew as my physiology became normalized in accordance with higher and higher levels. This is the process of addiction chemically speaking. So, I suppose if I had been so inclined I could readily have become a daily drinker, going the maintenance route. Instead, I just binged and suffered withdrawal, binged and suffered withdrawal, over and over. I've often wished there were a reset button. At present, this day, I know that if I take a drink my body and mind will crave and scream out: "keep it coming!" I can employ some discipline and say to myself, I'll wait an hour between drinks, but you better believe I will be watching that clock savagely. And after a few hours of that, the "I don't give a sh!t" phase is reached, and it becomes a total free-for-all.

I find it unfortunate that I became an alcoholic. The question I have to keep foremost in my mind is "what" am I doing about it?

2granddaughters

I tell my sponsee who is struggling to imagine that his wife, daughter or someone else he loves is having the same problem ... what advice would he give them ??!!

Now, take your own advice.

All the best.

Bob R (take my advice... I'm not using it)

artsoul

The real proof of my alcoholism (for me) was the mental obsession. Just having this internal battle with yourself is a pretty good sign of an addictive relationship.

It really does feel good to get free of that, but it takes time, or at least it did for me. Even though I was on a steady decline, I didn't have any tragic consequence or event that got me sober. My AV pointed that out to me many, many times in the first part of sobriety, how I wasn't "that bad" and "they drink more than I did" etc.... It seems like there are a thousand ways it can justify and rationalize. But the truth behind it all was addiction - I know if I have one I'll want 2, ad infinitum - there's just no way of satisfying that desire no matter how many drinks (or years of drinking) I had. Aside from all the consequences of drinking, who wants to live their life thinking about it all the time?

I think the only way to get rid of that crazy mental battle is to refuse to buy into it and see, over time, that you don't need alcohol to have a satisfying and adventurous life. Give it time - you're worth it!!!!!! :ghug3

aeo1313

Again looking for differences...I didn't drink to self medicate. I drank at parties and social events and never alone. The past 6 months I had a few episodes of solo drinking but I keep thinking I can go back to how I drank previously of 6 months ago.

I used to drink on the weekends and never even think about it during the week. Now I think about it all the time.

I want to try one more time to drink without issues. But I know I'd feel guilty drinking...stupid "recovery"...I'm never going to drink without guilt again.

Going to a meeting tonight with my sponcee sister.

sharp75

im similar, for 9 years i have drank 6 cans of lager sometimes it could go to 10 but i was in denial for so long as i only drink on a night and i thought true alcoholics drank allday everyday. i did used to drink every other day but now its every night and one minute i was fine with my drinking then the next minute the withdrawl hit me like a ton of bricks and so now i am waiting for rehab. i am ill 98 percent of the time whilst waiting but when i feel that 2 percent ill question if i do have a problem and maybes i dont as i dont drink through the day but then ill get withdrawl and i feel like crap so snap back into realisation that i do have a problem. i always questioned how people can actually drink the first minute they get out of bed and do it right up to the night but iv realised its not just what you drink its how it affects your life and to be honest drink has been the highest piority in my life to the point where i am in debt through taking out loans to buy drink, i have lied to people to be able to get drink, i have done other things in order to get drink which i dont feel ready to say at the moment (i will be happy to mention it once im sober). i am pretty much ashamed to admit i do have an alcohol problem but im also happy that iv recognised it before it got to the point of drinking morning and night

DarkDays

Just focus on yourself, many that drink regular are in denial about their drinking. In the uk most drinkers I know personally are very addicted and dependant on alcohell they just have not worked it out that they are. Be rebellious don't drink.

Sapling

I've heard from people that have gone back out...(I always let them do the research for me.)...That once you've been in AA...It really ruins your drinking if you try again...I'm going to take their word on that one. Have a great meeting aeo.

mm222

Your last comment resonated with me, aeo-it was true for me that once I KNEW I had a problem, even drinking again trying to convince myself I could moderate, wasn't that bad, whatever-I couldn't "unknow" what I already knew. Sounds like it may be the same for you.

Keep posting here, it's been a real lifesaver for me.

xx

MalkavianEmily

There's been a few times over the last few days - well, more tuesday to friday - when I wanted to go and have a drink. Really wanted to buy a bottle of vodka. But there's a part of me that will not let me do it. I resent that at times. Rather than pick up a bottle, I pick up the phone. I remind myself of what happened last time I slipped up. And tell myself what will happen if I give in and have that first drink.
And so I don't. One day at a time, I don't pick up that first drink.
I'd like to say that the AV had gone away, but it's only 28 days, so that would be too much to expect. I'd like to say that I didn't think of a way to bypass the part of me that won't let me drink.
If I pick up a bottle again, how long will it be before I put it down? I don't know, and I don't want to find out. I don't want to find out where I'd end up next time I drink.
And so, I don't. I'm in a good place today. And I know that if I drink again, I won't be.
I say I was nicer when I was drunk and that's true. But when it wore off... that's when I was nasty. And while I've been angry and irritable over the last few weeks, it's getting better. Not quickly. But it's getting better.
So, no. I'm not going back to the drink. I'm glad to be sober. It's taken me a couple of weeks to get there, and I don't want to chuck it away.
And so, I don't.

Stevie1

A confluence of influences, I think. There's no "one" reason - it takes many factors.

Personally - I was born into a family which had many alcoholics hiding in the genetic closet.
I was raised in a fairly lacksadaisical manner - I was not taught early on that over-indulging of any sort was potentially harmful. Rather, it was the norm.
Was a "free spirit" in the 60s and 70s; no concrete repercussions from heavy using or drinking.
Also learned great work ethic from my family, therefore became a "high-functioning" alcoholic like my father.
Learned also that in my extended family, talk of weakness or addiction or alcoholism or mental/emotional difficulties is simply Not Done. In fact, it does not exist and We Are All Fine Thank You.

All of which, of course, can easily set one up for all sorts of maladjustments to life including alcoholism. Based on my own experiences, I lean towards family history and upbringing as a reason (NOT excuse) for drinking to unhealthy excess.

As far as recovery I agree with notmyrealname - the why doesn't really matter at all!

sharp75

stevie thats the same with me, i have had 2 grandfathers that were alcoholics, 2 uncles died through it and my last remaining unle is an alcoholic and many other living family members have the same problem but havnt admitted it yet and i have a cousin who has apparently had a few detox sesssions but is still an alcoholic. My mam and dad where not alcoholics but unfortunately i have to admit i am continuing with the chain in the family and i am adament i am not going to end up the same way as many family members. i dont want to be like them and even though i am weak willed at times, there is no way i ever want to put my body through this pure torture again and have my family witness it. i know once i have rehab i wont be able to drink again but i feel more excited about that than daunted which is why i know ill be able to beat it.

Dee74

I tried for 15 years to drink without the bad stuff happening.
I never made it.

I needed to accept my relationship with alcohol is toxic and will never change.

I needed to accept I could be who I wanted to be, or I could drink - but it's impossible to do both.

Stop listening to the babble in your head aeo - listen to the people sharing their experiences here.

Go back and read a selection of your 527 posts.
Look at the times alcohol was a factor, A.

Be smarter than me.

D

Lily

ME TOO! I was the one puking my gut up downtown San Diego at 17 and having the cop flash is flashlight in my eyes while my friends said, Really sir we are taking her home right now!

I was the one who climbed in the ditch in my nightgown looking for my cats, fell down the mud and then felt the need to clean my nightgown off going in the apartment swim pool.

I was the one who could barely walk to my friend car in Tijuana cussing at the federales as the walked by me.

I was the one who they had to throw in the shower fully dressed cuz i had puked all over myself.

I was the one who would do gymnastics in the street during parties to show off.

I was the one who when I got pulled over for a DUI thought, I will show them and walked like I was on a balance beam in the olympics, not following any directions but boy oh boy I had a fancy pivot!

I did so many crazy things, it is pitiful. I would get that initial BURST of outgoing energy and do crazy stuff, then it would turn to anger, then self pity and self loathing and I would be crying at the end of the night asking everyone why they didn't LOVE me anymore. Oh brother....it is so sad how I was.

Alcohol for me is an allergy of the mind and body.

I am so blessed to be alive and so are you!!

Lily

keepfinding2

You don't have to be in AA if you don't feel that it helps. That's the good part.

WritingFromLife

The gifts of sobriety are only realized by those who have been in your shoes---In my opinion, people that throw back a few drinks a night, a few times a week("normal") will never be able to experience how incredible life is completely sober, period.

I also suspect most will never do the introspective work on themselves that alcoholism almost forces us to do. There are things about myself I would have never learned or understood had it not been for the mess my life was. I had to go down to come back up past complacency and into serenity.

Consider sobriety and gift--let the rest be compacent with their normal drinking. You, in the meatime, will have contentment.

lilyrosemary

i was one of those drinkers that never became physically addicted but the extent of the psychological addiction made of for it. i was a slave to it, and it owned me. i quit 2.5 years ago and the very best part of not drinking is the freedom i enjoy now. i have contemplated that maybe (since my drinking really wasn't THAT bad : ) i will "drink a couple of times a month" or something like that...only a passing fancy though because i know that i would be thinking and living out those two days a month in my head every single hour of every single day of the month...once again being a slave to it. i just have to realize that this freedom from the slavery of alcohol is worth much more than two drunks a month...anyway i hope you find peace and acceptance. God bless and help you through this.