Coping Skills
getting there
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
Coping Skills
Does anyone have advice on things that helped you develop coping skills when you first got sober? Alcohol has been my only coping skill for so many years I have no idea where to even start.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I think a lot of us have a low opinion of ourselves and our capacity to deal with stuff when we get sober CG.
I feared I was absolutely inadequate to cope with everyday life sober - but I was wrong
I found was actually pretty good at dealing with stuff and solving problems - I just hadn't exercised that 'muscle' for a long time.
The more we deal with the better we get at it , I think
It's a daunting thing to put ourselves out there in life without our 'net'...but you're not alone - there's always support here and lots of people to ask advice of or bounce ideas off if you're unsure
D
I feared I was absolutely inadequate to cope with everyday life sober - but I was wrong
I found was actually pretty good at dealing with stuff and solving problems - I just hadn't exercised that 'muscle' for a long time.
The more we deal with the better we get at it , I think
It's a daunting thing to put ourselves out there in life without our 'net'...but you're not alone - there's always support here and lots of people to ask advice of or bounce ideas off if you're unsure
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
I try to step back from things and laugh a little when I start getting wound up. Physical exercise helps a lot; endorphins are powerful stuff. Let's see, what else? dark chocolate, good coffee, humor, really any distraction that lifts my mood. Some things are going to affect you no matter what--death of a loved one, losing your job, rough ending to a relationship, that kind of thing. But the day-to-day annoyances and minor stumbling blocks just aren't that big a deal as long as you don't let the bastards get you down.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
This might sound silly, but since coping is a mind game, another mind game can really help. Try 'mindfulness' - it is a tool that helped me accept some of the things that are hard to change.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I saw a counselor. He was an addictions specialist, and other than our first "what brought you here today" meeting, none of our work focused on alcohol or drinking, but all about 'building my toolbox' to live a sober life. That included learning how to recognize my body's stress signals, how to experience emotions instead of reacting to them, guided relaxation, meditation, and so on. I think there are a lot of ways that healthy non addicted people live their lives that we can learn to do.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Like Flutter, I had to learn to listen to my body and what it was telling me. I had been on auto-pilot for so long, I paid no attention to my physical and emotional issues. For me, I took things slowly. I made a list each day and determined to accomplish a few things. That way, I felt like I was moving forward and, not surprisingly, things started to slowly fall into place.
My best advice would be to be gentle with yourself. Recovery really is about progress, not perfection. It's a journey, and you can enjoy each day.
My best advice would be to be gentle with yourself. Recovery really is about progress, not perfection. It's a journey, and you can enjoy each day.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Originally Posted by flutter 
I think there are a lot of ways that healthy non addicted people live their lives that we can learn to do.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,955
Coping skills directly related to alcohol/drug addiction recovery is what I have learned to call recovery tools. Between these websites there is a very large array of recovery tools to choose from: Women for Sobriety, SOS, LifeRing, SMART, CBT, DBT and AVRT.
Its refreshing to know that any alcoholic or addict like myself can learn how to recover from an illness that would otherwise harm or kill them with a good box of recovery tools. Also many of the recovery tools I use are also great for life living skill building tools. Healthily living life as it comes is process not an event. So there is always more for me to learn as long as I remain teachable.
Its refreshing to know that any alcoholic or addict like myself can learn how to recover from an illness that would otherwise harm or kill them with a good box of recovery tools. Also many of the recovery tools I use are also great for life living skill building tools. Healthily living life as it comes is process not an event. So there is always more for me to learn as long as I remain teachable.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by Sapling
I use the program of AA...What better place for an alcoholic to learn to live without alcohol...Than from alcoholics living without alcohol. That's a no brainer for me.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Sapling
I use the program of AA...What better place for an alcoholic to learn to live without alcohol...Than from alcoholics living without alcohol. That's a no brainer for me.
and i also 2nd what bob r said.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
I didn't stop being a normal occasional could take it or leave it social drinker until late in life relatively speaking. I was very successful in a stressful military career, and as the weapons expert. It wasn't until age 38 or 39, living in Germany for 7 years that I started drinking a lot of beer. Before that a six pack of beer would last in my fridge for a month, and one beer was enough, two made me feel sleepy. My coping skills were fine and I actually avoided alcohol for the first heavy drinking years whenever I had a problem so I could deal with problems clear headed and do a good job. It was not avoiding the problems for me. I refuse all pain meds except for Naproxin sodium. Flushed a bottle of Lortabs down the toilet after trying just one. Refused to fill any others for oxy etc. because I liked my beer and needed nothing else for my military neck and back injuries and no not combat related. When I retired it grew only because I could and did drink all day like every day was Saturday. Then I went back to work and helped build a small company with 12 people to over 100 and our own metal rolling plant. Then I retired again and by that time it took so much just to keep a buzz, which was all I did, my tolerance was sky high and I HAD to drink 30 plus every day just to keep normal. That was time to quit.
It was just plain stupidity on my part letting the physical addiction grow without worrying until it was too late. My coping skills were there the whole time and I just picked up where I left off. I had no angry people I did wrong, no abuse I gave, a little codie stuff with my AW that is over now with some mutually agreed on boundaries. I lost no money and have my property etc. I gained some weight because I quit smoking too.
I am afraid I have no excuses, it was sheer self indulgence on my part. I could so I did. No demons or voices, no anthropomorphized alcohol with a clever personality conspiring against me.
Just me letting it happen. And now it is just me with a lot of help from everything and everybody SMART, RET, AA, my Docs, in hospital detox, counseling, friends and family, and since my third month my family here keeps me positive and inspired. I will have two years this coming September 21st of sobriety and on the sixth 40 years or marriage to my friend and lover for life. It isn't that anybody is a loser so drinks that away. It is that many of us coasted for a long time and take a bit to get jump started.
Many never gained the coping skills because they drank heavy all through their teens and 20s into their 30s and beyond. Well you'll have to learn the coping skills the same way I did. Trial and error until you get some experience, which I define as being able to recognize a mistake, when I make it again.
Coping?
It don't come easy
Got to pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues,
And you know it don't come easy.
You don't have to shout or leap about,
You can even play them easy.
Peace, remember peace is how we make it,
Here within your reach
If you're big enough to take it.
It was just plain stupidity on my part letting the physical addiction grow without worrying until it was too late. My coping skills were there the whole time and I just picked up where I left off. I had no angry people I did wrong, no abuse I gave, a little codie stuff with my AW that is over now with some mutually agreed on boundaries. I lost no money and have my property etc. I gained some weight because I quit smoking too.
I am afraid I have no excuses, it was sheer self indulgence on my part. I could so I did. No demons or voices, no anthropomorphized alcohol with a clever personality conspiring against me.
Just me letting it happen. And now it is just me with a lot of help from everything and everybody SMART, RET, AA, my Docs, in hospital detox, counseling, friends and family, and since my third month my family here keeps me positive and inspired. I will have two years this coming September 21st of sobriety and on the sixth 40 years or marriage to my friend and lover for life. It isn't that anybody is a loser so drinks that away. It is that many of us coasted for a long time and take a bit to get jump started.
Many never gained the coping skills because they drank heavy all through their teens and 20s into their 30s and beyond. Well you'll have to learn the coping skills the same way I did. Trial and error until you get some experience, which I define as being able to recognize a mistake, when I make it again.
Coping?
It don't come easy
Got to pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues,
And you know it don't come easy.
You don't have to shout or leap about,
You can even play them easy.
Peace, remember peace is how we make it,
Here within your reach
If you're big enough to take it.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,955
Originally Posted by flutter
I saw a counselor. He was an addictions specialist, and other than our first "what brought you here today" meeting, none of our work focused on alcohol or drinking, but all about 'building my toolbox' to live a sober life. That included learning how to recognize my body's stress signals, how to experience emotions instead of reacting to them, guided relaxation, meditation, and so on. I think there are a lot of ways that healthy non addicted people live their lives that we can learn to do.
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