trytofixyou

Hi everyone. I started drinking when I was 14 because I felt lonely, I was homeschooled all of middle school and didn't have any good friends. I was also dealing with feelings toward the same sex. It got out of control until my family caught me and put an end to my drinking. When I turned 21 I wasn't even tempted. Then soon after I met another lesbian and she became my first love. We dated for a while but she never had feelings for me like I did for her and she left me. That's when I turned to the bottle. Now I'm almost 23 and have had 4 or 5 drinks almost every night for a year sometimes more. I think about drinking constantly and I look forward to it every night. But now here I am this morning realizing I had 5 drinks last night and I felt nothing. And I haven't felt anything for a while. Alcohol isn't working for me anymore but my addiction tells me to keep trying. I don't know what to do.

Gearnut

Hi ! I was just browsing the newest replies and seen this old thread had something "new"... that's how I found your note.

Loneliness can be a big trigger, I know because I've been lonely most of my life (only child and small family). You are so young and have so much of your life ahead of you ! I am by no means practiced at handing out advice so take what I say for what it's worth (which isn't much). If you want to quit, you'll find a lot of great information on these forums. Just reading other people's stories will give you great insight into what you might expect should you keep drinking through your adult life. Personally, I drank for 30+ years (thankfully that not much at one time) almost everyday and want to see what life is like sober. That's why I'm here, and it's a great place to be. That much I can say with confidence. And I understand what it is to lose someone you love. The pain is tremendous. But that will pass...and keeping yourself well by not drinking too much, or perhaps not at all, will allow you to cultivate another healthy, loving relationship in due time.

Jsbodhi

Me too, my last few drunks have been depressing, lonely, pathetic. It's not even fun anymore, and my thoughts turn really negative.
Better to be sober and have fun and be happy!

omenapt

near my end i had to literally force the drinks down as i coudn't stand the taste of anything but as you said, i was aiming for the end result which really never came unless it was 3am and i was blaring loud music, only to have to get up at 730am! UGH!

Jsbodhi

I love this thread!!
While I don't want to drink, it's important to remember what it has become for us.

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, trytofixyou; glad you found us.

Good to hear that you realize that it is your addiction that is trying to convince you to keep drinking. Recognizing your Addictive Voice for the liar that it is huge.

I, too, chased the 'feeling' over and over again until I was beaten and feeling almost destroyed. The good news is that you can successfuly put alcohol behind you.

You will find support, understanding and encouragement here.

MIRecovery

I drank the fun out of alcohol a long time ago. When it became a necessity I knew I was in trouble. There is another way called sobriety. I thought I couldn't be happy without alcohol what I have come to realize is alcohol was the problem not the solution

oak

Welcome trytofixyou! Glad you found us. I started drinking for many of the same reasons you did.

Alcohol stopped working for me too. Initially I felt euphoric on it. But fairly quickly, I felt sad, fearful, & lonely when I drank. The loneliness was so intense for me. Sobriety is so much better!

Get all the support you can. Meetings helped me- just for the face-to-face support. But there are online meetings too. And posting here helped me a lot too. I also see a therapist which helps.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum trytofixyou!!

JanieJ

I drank because it was habit, it was ""what I did", but I got no joy out of it at all for about 15 years. I just wasted a lot of time and money on nothing.

I used to think, what the heck would I DO if I wasn't drinking ??

I thought drinking was my life, for a long time.

I didn't realise I could be somebody else.

Drinking is not my life. That's a very liberating thought.

JaneLane

Reading this thread, I think this is a really great place to see how alcoholism affects us all differently/we have arrived here from different paths.

Personally, I drank to have fun, then to numb out, then to feel normal. It was at that point that I felt worried. If I didn't drink, my anxiety (I take medication) got worse. It was awful, even after consulting my GP, my anxiety was out of control, but it eventually settled down.

I think that's the point: figure out what is right for you and go from there. Initially, life is likely to seem smaller. But then it will get bigger and bigger.

Lola23

Well I don't know how "normal" it sounds...but I can darn well assure you that so so so many of us reading this can relate to the story. We've been there.

I'm glad you posted jstar. And glad to hear you're going to a meeting. You can do it.

upminer

That's why I quit to be honest I drank every day but increasingly I had to buy a high alcohol drink to catch the buzz one day it was just WHY???? Yes I enjoy beer but I was drinking that nasty malt liquor, choking it down just to get that buzz. I'm in a much better place now and working towards the next level....

MelindaFlowers

I have to second that. Alcohol stopped physically giving me a buzz. It would make me uncoordinated, slurring, and foggy but no more buzz. This was when I could stop. I chased that sweet spot for about a year after it stopped working with different schedules, types of alcohol, you name it. There were even a few nights where I would say F### this, I am going to get drunk if it kills me and up the quantity to above my normal twelve and STILL could not reach where I wanted to get. Oh, I'd black out even but feel like s--- the whole time I was drinking and the hangovers kept getting more and more severe.

Alcohol has stopped working for you? Good. Now is the time to quit.

When alcohol still made me feel great while drinking I couldn't get a day one. Not one day. The urge was too strong. But I drank too much for too long and my body no longer processed it for a buzz.

I was finally able and WILLING to stop. Coming up on seven months without a drink and I don't even miss it. You can do this.

Tally809

Unfortunately for me, that sounds 100% normal. Hence why I'm here.

MelindaFlowers

When I was at what I refer to as my "middle stage" of alcoholism I still loved to drink. I was depressed and anxious all day but then the moment I got home and poured that first drink I felt like I had the world on a string and all my problems were solved for five or six hours. Repeat the next day and the next.......

At my "late stage" (the last two years or so) I was depressed and anxious all day and depressed and anxious when I got home and poured my first drink and depressed and anxious when I took my last sip of the night.

That's when alcohol stopped working.

Soberella66

Alcohol NEVER worked for me. I was a bad, instant-drunk the moment I took my first sip of alcohol and I knew it for a long time afterwards and did it anyway because I felt I was entitled to overindulge and act out because of my 'bad childhood' to 'horrible no good very bad day, etc'.
I used it as an excuse to do stupid things (drunk dial a crush at midnight, steal a potted plant from the neighbors yard, etc) and used doing stupid things as an excuse to drink. And this is going to sound really weird, but I used hangovers as an excuse to 'check out' from real life and feel sorry for myself. It was a stupid and fraudulent mind game I was playing on myself.