crewisms

Sweetie. It took a tremendous amount of courage to share your story with us. You and your unborn baby are as precious as precious gets. I'm a single daddy with two kiddos, ages 7 and 10. Though I raised them through some trying times, including drinking more than any human should, I couldn't imagine hitting them or their mother, ever. Please, I beg you, find a way to walk away. For you and for your baby, seek shelter away from the violence. No man should ever strike a woman. Especially a woman with child. I spent 8 years in the U.S. Marines, and I couldn't imagine striking anybody unless I was in a war. Even then it is a tough choice. Let us help you find refuge in Poughkeepsie, NY. do you have any family? Follow Suki's advice and call the hotline. Getting punched is unacceptable. Please protect yourself and your baby. Worry about the father later, if at all.

DoinThis

I think it's common to start in pregnancy because there is something that connects u to him forever now, he may sub conciously think u won't or can't leave now. I haven't got much advice, just a warning that a new baby is a mountiain of stress even in a great relationship. The first year of my baby's life was the most stressed I've ever been. It's the big life change and the sleep deprivation. I can't imagine doing it without a 100% committed, supportive partner. I wish u well and hope u can get the help/support u need.

wellwisher

I have 24 hour hotline numbers in Dutchess County for domestic violence.

Would be happy to PM them to you: they provide crisis intervention, protection and anonymous shelters if needed, room and board, counseling and advocacy in addition to substance abuse counseling.

I can send a PM to you if interested.

Mizztobers

I called the hotline. They had alot of good advice. Its hard to hear though. The problem with this situation vs what the hotline says is that i dont really think its necessarly out of controling me. I dont have an explanation. He has never been mean when he is sober, only when alcohol is involved.

Well i am going to attempt to sleep. This is the latest i have been up since pregnant other than the "bad day"

I appreciate all the support and am glad i found this site.

Anna

I am so sorry you are going this.

Violence will likely continue. Please get away for you avd your child.

ReadyAndAble

Hi, Mizztobers, welcome to SR.

I am so sorry you are going through this right now—so much at once, you're doing a great job handling it, and to reach out is a really smart move. I'm also really impressed that you went ahead and called the hotline.

I do have to say I think you're looking at two entirely separate issues—alcoholism and violent behavior. I got drunk a million times, got in plenty of arguments, yet never once raised a hand against anyone. As the father of a little girl, I just want to second everyone's concerns. Drinking does not excuse violence, and it doesn't explain it either. Besides, even if I'm wrong, he's still drinking.

I used to live in Poughkeepsie. Must be beautiful in Dutchess County right now, with everything green as can be. That's a great place to raise a child. I fear if your boyfriend doesn't take immediate steps to change, you're going to need to do some hard thinking about priorities. You sound smart and strong. Hang in there and continue to reach out.

regeneration

hello Mizztobers, I had a father who was alcoholic and violent, and I've had partners who've been violent.

I've never seen them change, the fallout is horrendous for everyone around them. As others saying, put yourself first here (and your baby). It may feel as if this is a huge mountain to climb (sorting out money and looking after yourself) but you're a lot stronger than you think. You're making the first steps, on here and reaching out to others.

If you stay with him you'll use all your energy managing him. All that time and energy could go on yourself and your child. I saw my best friend go through this as well a couple of years ago. She was so scared when the first split up (with two older kids) but her life is so much better now. One thing she said to me recently was "I always thought I couldn't do things, but some of the things he used to take care of I can. And I can do them better".

I've never tried al anon, but heard it's good.

I also found this website good for advice and support when leaving relationships: Getting Past Your Breakup

The woman that runs it left domestic violence behind a long time ago, I found it supportive.

Keep us posted.

[EDIT] Really good point ReadyAndAble. I know plenty of alcoholics who would never lay a finger on anyone (my last boyfriend). If someone is violent it's a big issue, it's better to go.

neferkamichael

Mizztobers, I am so sorry to read what you are going through. Letting him get away with violence is enabling him to do it again. Prayin for ya.

positivelady67

So Sorry that you are going through this, you have to think of yourself and your unborn child. For me I only got help with my Alcholism when I hit my rock bottom. You cannot help him unless he wants help.

Get yourself safe, my heart goes out to you. Sending you big hugs xx

:ghug3

laurie6781

I posted some local resources for you on your thread in Friends and Family.

The DV centers have lots of help available, temporary housing and could help you get
your own housing. They have legal help available, and counseling. They have lots of
resources for someone like you (pregnant and in a violent relationship). Give them a
call. They do NOT call the police, they leave that decision up to you. They are there
to help those that are living in a violent (you are) situation who need help removing
themselves from that situation.

Please for the health of you and your unborn child give them a call.

Love and hugs,