MycoolFitz

Believe it was Agent Orange fall out, Don't know, it was just a loss. I cried, he was good child, wrong time, wrong place, wrong war. I sucked so much sh*t in my lungs it is easy to blame my problems on that but its been the drinking that has been my Agent. I can blame PTSD, depression, etc. but only I can decide to pick up the bottle or not. My buddy once said, don't worry just hump it the rest will take care of itself. I really screwed it because I used escuses for not living instead of living. Grief and loss can be an excuse or motivator. He always had my back, now its up to me and my recovery family. I surrender.

Impurrfect

((Fitz)) - I'm so sorry

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

sissy07

Fitz,

I am so sorry. Prayers to you.

MycoolFitz

I know, dumb post. I spent half my time spraying "anti-fungi" stuff on jungle equipment, I spent hours pealing the crap off my skin. I still have dreams about pulling my skin off trying to get rid of it. Couldn't sleep but drinking myself into a coma was no excuse. Went into treatment which my insurance denied basically for "self inflicted wounds". Guess I'.ll have plenty of walking tomorrow. Last month I was in a wheel chair, now I'm walking. I have heart and lung symptoms but at least I have a heart and lungs. Sure the drinking helped:-)

MemphisBlues

Pain sucks, but at least when not drinking we experience the real pain, and it takes experiencing the pain to let it pass.

God speed. My first sponsor is 70, a Vietnam vet (volunteered!), was posted just a few clicks from the DMZ, and saw the ****, lived the ****, slept in the ****.

He too has severe PSDT to this day. And he has been sober for 28 years.

He's dying now, a weird blood disorder akin to cancer but not cancer and undergoing harsh medical treatment. And he's sober.

Thanks for being you, for doing what you've done in life, and, most importantly, for sharing your story here and remaining sober for one more day.

You deserve sobriety during this time in your life, and by doing so you keep us sober.

laurie6781

Fitz you are not alone. There are still many survivors from that fiasco and
there are many alcoholics from it also. I have a very dear friend, yes she is
sober now for almost 20 years. She was a 'medic' in Nam and got sprayed
several times. About 15 years ago, the VA finally diagnosed her with Agent
Orange aftermath. She gets tumors on the OUTSIDE of her lungs. Not
cancerous but they grow and keep growing and they have to go in and remove
them because it becomes so painful for her to breath.

Her one doctor at the VA says he needs to install a zipper in her chest. She
is about to go in for another surgery. Each time, she comes out a bit weaker
and it takes her longer to get her strength back. I know when her passing
comes I will feel as you do right now.

Good job on finding alternative methods to deal with your great discomfort
at this time!!!!!!!!

Lots of love and bunches of hugs,

wellwisher

Hugs for ya, Fitz.....

2granddaughters

Surrendering is easy, Fitz. Just try staying surrendered.... that's the trick.

Regular doses of AA works for me.

All the best.

Bob R