KDL

Well, I have been struggling with the voice always in the back of my mind saying things like "Why can't I just go out once in a while and have a few drinks?" or "Would it be the end of the world if I only drank on vacation?"

I have been relying heavily on the stories of lessons learned by other alcoholics told on here, and in meetings. I KNOW I'm not different. I KNOW things will only be far worse then they were before I stopped drinking. Truthfully, deep down I don't understand why, but I need to immerse myself in the stories of others to keep me strong.

I was talking about that today with other alcoholics. I was discussing that I had absolutely no reason to believe that I would be different. Was I really going to have to experiment myself to learn the truth? What would be the cost? I know I would never forgive myself.

One man said something that made so much sense to me that I wanted to share.
He said, "We have plenty of people in the research department. You don't need to join them."

The truth is, I just need to keep learning from them, and the ones that didn't make it back.

desertsong

Nobody is a better teacher for an alcoholic than another alcoholic. I don't know what I would do without all of you, and without the support of other alkies in AA. We "get" each other. I think that's why we need each other too.

EXM6

I thought I was different for years... Hell, professionals who help with these sort of things treated me differently for years. Every experience was a "you'll be fine" with a pat on the head. My addiction kept progressing -- not even in the amount I drank -- it's the consequences of my drinking that became worse... Recently, I have pretty much lost everything you can think of, besides my amazing friends. I have no job, no place to live, and charges pending due to my drinking. All of this fell apart in 5 months. It only took for me to drink twice.

I FINALLY get that I am no different and thinking that I was, was the beginning of the end for me.

Sapling

Don't you love how you always hear exactly what you need to hear?...It amazes me how often that happens.

awuh1

Love your avatar KDL

Part of my struggle (at least in the beginning) was that my notions about who I was needed change. I think you can “KNOW I'm not different… KNOW things will only be far worse than they were before I stopped drinking”, but the notions of who you are do not change so rapidly. To know something and to be something are different things.

instant

Love the quote!!

with time the voice fades to a whisper (can always be as deadly but!) and your life will become less dominated by the stuggle. Freedom does come, but it takes time.

When I was drinking I was never at peace

artsoul

So well said, KDL!!