New Here! Day 2
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 8
New Here! Day 2
Hello!
I am "ImLearning2Fly". I picked this name because I feel like I have never been able to live my life truly happy. I am considering this a sort of re-birth for me. I feel like I never got the proper tools to live by and I really want to make this work.
I have been an alcoholic for over 20 years, off and on-Mostly on!
I have come to accept the fact that I have a real problem.
I have drank to the point of blacking out and know that feeling upon waking of not really remembering going to bed that night.
I have felt the shame of making a drunk fool of myself in front of others-then hearing the next day what I said or did (oh-that's so hard).
I have made my life into an unorganized mess and it's time to start living my life right.
I have been married 23 years and were highschool sweethearts. DH is bi-polar and it's not easy as this illness progresses with age. We are in counseling right now trying to make our marriage work. Sometimes I think I drink to block out the pain but that's my doing, not his.
I have a beautiful teenage daughter who sees me doing this to myself and I tell myself that I'm not that bad because I can stop when I want to-but I always start up again. She sees this pattern over and over again and I have really come to realize how much this is affecting her.
I am the daughter of a mother who was full blown alcoholic and I remember the caretaking I did for her growing up.
I don't want to come to a point where my daughter is feeling responsible for my wellbeing and running around putting out fires for me. Not to mention the shame she might feel at having a drinking mother.
I suffered so much embarassment as a child.
So--after years of shame and much pain-some at my own hands-I have decided that it's time to quit for good.
I am on day 2 today and feeling pretty good about it.
AA meetings aren't for me at this point.
I am kind of well known in town and I feel so embarassed to be seen at an AA meeting. There is a lot of shame and embarassment that goes along with my drinking and once I work through it, I hope to be able to join an AA group that I can be comfortable with. Right now, admitting that I'm an alcoholic to those that have absolutely no idea that I even drink seems unfathomable!
If you've read this far--Thank You!! I'm happy to be here and hope I form many friendships here with people who understand what I'm going through.
One last note:
I loved a post I read yesterday where someone said something to the effect of his father always said "once you open the bottle, you may as well throw the cap away-cause you won't be needing it again"! That's me. I cannot rest knowing there is alcohol in my home.
I drink it and I drink it ALL!!
I am "ImLearning2Fly". I picked this name because I feel like I have never been able to live my life truly happy. I am considering this a sort of re-birth for me. I feel like I never got the proper tools to live by and I really want to make this work.
I have been an alcoholic for over 20 years, off and on-Mostly on!
I have come to accept the fact that I have a real problem.
I have drank to the point of blacking out and know that feeling upon waking of not really remembering going to bed that night.
I have felt the shame of making a drunk fool of myself in front of others-then hearing the next day what I said or did (oh-that's so hard).
I have made my life into an unorganized mess and it's time to start living my life right.
I have been married 23 years and were highschool sweethearts. DH is bi-polar and it's not easy as this illness progresses with age. We are in counseling right now trying to make our marriage work. Sometimes I think I drink to block out the pain but that's my doing, not his.
I have a beautiful teenage daughter who sees me doing this to myself and I tell myself that I'm not that bad because I can stop when I want to-but I always start up again. She sees this pattern over and over again and I have really come to realize how much this is affecting her.
I am the daughter of a mother who was full blown alcoholic and I remember the caretaking I did for her growing up.
I don't want to come to a point where my daughter is feeling responsible for my wellbeing and running around putting out fires for me. Not to mention the shame she might feel at having a drinking mother.
I suffered so much embarassment as a child.
So--after years of shame and much pain-some at my own hands-I have decided that it's time to quit for good.
I am on day 2 today and feeling pretty good about it.
AA meetings aren't for me at this point.
I am kind of well known in town and I feel so embarassed to be seen at an AA meeting. There is a lot of shame and embarassment that goes along with my drinking and once I work through it, I hope to be able to join an AA group that I can be comfortable with. Right now, admitting that I'm an alcoholic to those that have absolutely no idea that I even drink seems unfathomable!
If you've read this far--Thank You!! I'm happy to be here and hope I form many friendships here with people who understand what I'm going through.
One last note:
I loved a post I read yesterday where someone said something to the effect of his father always said "once you open the bottle, you may as well throw the cap away-cause you won't be needing it again"! That's me. I cannot rest knowing there is alcohol in my home.
I drink it and I drink it ALL!!
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
Welcome , learningtofly
A lot of what you say there was me four months ago. Especially the bottle cork bit. Heck it's not even that it tastes nice when you think about it. It just makes you drunk
I can relate to what you say about not wanting to go to AA, and respect your reasons. I have got sober through a bit of AA and a lot of SR. If you get a chance to go to an AA meeting out of town , do so. If you see someone you know, heck they have the same problem as you. They will likely be pleased to see someone familiar.
You meet all walks of life in AA, but you do meet people who have been at the bottomest of the pit, and got up and decided life without drink is worthwhile.
I am humbled before them, I was just a drunk on the sofa, not on the street drinking God knows what
There are people on here, some will have exactly your situation, but we all want to help and see you get better
Anyway fantastic work on 2 days. It is hard at first to quit, but the struggle is worth it. I was logging on here at all times of the day to keep going.
And now, after 4 months, I can honestly say , I dont know why I ever drank, there is so much else to do
Enough of me
Enjoy your recovery
Billy
A lot of what you say there was me four months ago. Especially the bottle cork bit. Heck it's not even that it tastes nice when you think about it. It just makes you drunk
I can relate to what you say about not wanting to go to AA, and respect your reasons. I have got sober through a bit of AA and a lot of SR. If you get a chance to go to an AA meeting out of town , do so. If you see someone you know, heck they have the same problem as you. They will likely be pleased to see someone familiar.
You meet all walks of life in AA, but you do meet people who have been at the bottomest of the pit, and got up and decided life without drink is worthwhile.
I am humbled before them, I was just a drunk on the sofa, not on the street drinking God knows what
There are people on here, some will have exactly your situation, but we all want to help and see you get better
Anyway fantastic work on 2 days. It is hard at first to quit, but the struggle is worth it. I was logging on here at all times of the day to keep going.
And now, after 4 months, I can honestly say , I dont know why I ever drank, there is so much else to do
Enough of me
Enjoy your recovery
Billy
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wis
Posts: 172
Thanks for your post. Admitting you have a problem is great. It is the first step. Since your mom was an alcoholic (my dad was too) you have the gene that will make it tough. Did you see your doctor yet? Screw the embarrassment. Hold your head up that you know want to quit. Get help, surround yourself with a support group and have a plan. SR is always here but just us and you alone will probably not get you to where you want. Good luck and keep posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 8
Thanks for the support!
I haven't seen my doc but he knows about my drinking as it was reflected in my bloodwork and my husband told him!
I think detoxing will be ok for me. I was drinking a box of wine every 2 days-even in the am. But this latest binge lasted only 2 weeks and was proceeded by a week of no drinking. I don't have the shaky hands or anything. I really feel wonderful and my state of mind is especially good.
Thanks again for the sweet posts!
I haven't seen my doc but he knows about my drinking as it was reflected in my bloodwork and my husband told him!
I think detoxing will be ok for me. I was drinking a box of wine every 2 days-even in the am. But this latest binge lasted only 2 weeks and was proceeded by a week of no drinking. I don't have the shaky hands or anything. I really feel wonderful and my state of mind is especially good.
Thanks again for the sweet posts!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by ImLearning2Fly 
Thanks for the support!
I haven't seen my doc but he knows about my drinking as it was reflected in my bloodwork and my husband told him!
I think detoxing will be ok for me. I was drinking a box of wine every 2 days-even in the am. But this latest binge lasted only 2 weeks and was proceeded by a week of no drinking. I don't have the shaky hands or anything. I really feel wonderful and my state of mind is especially good.
Thanks again for the sweet posts!
I haven't seen my doc but he knows about my drinking as it was reflected in my bloodwork and my husband told him!
I think detoxing will be ok for me. I was drinking a box of wine every 2 days-even in the am. But this latest binge lasted only 2 weeks and was proceeded by a week of no drinking. I don't have the shaky hands or anything. I really feel wonderful and my state of mind is especially good.
Thanks again for the sweet posts!
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