Atom

Hi...I am new here. I have an odd situation, I guess but not that it hurts any less. The love of my life, who is also the addict I am affected by is long distance. We have been together for 3 years and had planned a future together. I knew from the beginning he was an addict. Let, me add that the addiction is to marijuana. I guess in some ways, unknowingly, I was an enabler. He had me convinced at the beginning that it was for medical purposes only. He suffers from a disability that does put him in a lot of pain so I never thought anything about it. Anyways, the times we've been together in person he has never touched it. And, yes I know that's true because we were together 24/7. Over the last year things have gotten so bad. I was with him last month and he wasn't doing it again....BUT this time he was showing signs of withdrawal. Some people have said you don't have withdrawals from marijuana and I really don't know having never touched the stuff. Anyhow, he was grouchy and didn't feel good the whole time we were together and all we did was fight. He pushed me away completely. I came home and he ended things...in the relationship aspect. We are best friends and always will be. He got high once since I've been home and has now been clean and sober for 2 weeks. He told me yesterday that I was the reason he hit bottom. The way he treated me and the time we lost and can never get back was what made him realize how sick he is. That's so confusing to me being that reason....I don't know whether to feel good or bad or both about that. He asked me to go to an Alanon meeting. I'm not sure about that...I thought it was just for alcoholics. All I want, I guess is for someone to talk to that has been affected by an addict, also. I come from a very small town where drugs aren't all the prevalent. And also some advice on what I can do for him. I love him with all my heart even though I know he can't love me and my kids right now and I want him to see that I am not giving up on us just because of this...and I have told him that. Thanks for listening.

Krys

Hey Atom! You may want to head on over to the Friends and Families of Alcoholics or Friends and Families of Substance Abuse forums when you get a chance, lots of people in your shoes over there who can listen. My boyfriend has had problems with alcohol, and drugs (one or the other at different times) and used weed to try to control the urge to go back to pills and to help control his anxiety disorder. In his case I can say that there was a withdrawal, most of it seemed to be mental, but there were physical symptoms as well...just no where near as bad as with harder drugs or the alcohol. I think any time someone us using any kind of substance to self medicate there is going to be some withdrawal, not to mention panic that the crutch is gone. In my boyfriends case he quit smoking because he was unemployed and wanted to be able to pass a drug test at a moments notice. Unfortunately he couldn't handle life without it and made the fast switch to alcohol. I think that you need to make sure you take care of yourself and your kids in this situation. Not that you can't be there to cheer him on and support him, but he needs to do this on his own and for himself. There is a great book most of us have read that can be very helpful, it is called Codependent No More. Get it if you can and take care...I'm sorry you are going through this but you came to a good place.

sugarbear1

Read about Al Anon Welcome to Al-Anon Family Groups and decide if you are willing to attend or not.

Marijuana provided some relief, not just pain relief, but more mental relief. Like alcohol, it provided me with the relief I needed to face the world. Today I don't need the marijuana, I use the AA program (the steps) to deal with life.

I wish you well,

Atom

Thanks Krys...I will try to find that forum. I've never done these before and it looks quite confusing. I think the hardest part is knowing he has to do this for himself. I'd take every ounce of pain for him if I could and I have to figure out how NOT to want to do that. Thanks for the reply!

Atom

Thank you for the reply sugarbear. Yes, it had a lot to do with the mental aspect, too. I have been checking out that Al-Anon site and yes, I am willing to go there. I need to understand what he is going through. I will do anything I can. Good luck to you!

sugarbear1

If you want to know what he is going through, I suggest attending an Open meeting of AA.

Dee74

Hi Atom

welcome to SR

the link Krys mentioned is here:
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

Hevyn

We're glad you joined us, Atom. This is a wonderful place filled with understanding & caring. I hope you will find what you need here. Hoping things will turn around for you and your loved one.

Anna

Welcome, Atom,

You will find lots of support here.

Atom

Thank you, Dee....I will check it out

Atom

Thank you, Hevyn...I was having a hard time finding someplace to turn.

Atom

Thank you, Anna

freshstart57

Atom, here at SR you will be able to find plenty of people who have experienced and are experiencing exactly the same thing that you are in right now. You might be able to find some comfort in that. Sorta like when we were up all night with a colicky baby and at our wit's end and the end of our rope. It seemed to help knowing that there were thousands of other parents in our city that were likely in precisely the same situation.

Check out that Friends and Family forum, or the one for Substance abuse. This will help give you some insight to what is going on with your partner, and with you. Keep posting!

Atom

Thank you, freshstart...I will definitely check that out. Hard getting past the confusion right now.