The most powerful influence is you.......
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
The most powerful influence is you.......
When I was a kid I had many things happen that were beyond my control. My step father was an alcoholic. My mother severely drepressed cuz my sister died in an elevator accident. I wanted nothing more than to have a happy and loving family.
I made everyone hold hands one Christmas and sing carols around the tree.... Like in dr Seuss. I thought that meant we were happy.
Anyone else feel completely empty when they were a kid? I did. I was 6 and I knew lonlyness.
Sadness is I choice.
Yes it is.... Just like happiness is as well.
I choose sadness because I know it.... It has been a freind for a long long time.
When we, as alcoholics, feel comfortable with something we are committed. LOL... You know what I mean.
Be it drinking... Sobriety... Sadness...we make that thing happen.
So I stared at that drink... And thought of those that support me. You.
Dee74, sobbered, Ann, rockbottom, sapling, STIlLLSlEEPInG, ocddan ... everyone. There are so many here.
You and your stories were with me last night.
Not drinking meant something at that point. Because you believe in me and I you.
Do you all have something I do not? Can I be sober with you?
It is a choice. Yes it is. I am not sad this morning because I drank. I am sad because I disappointed you.
SR has become a powerful influence for me....
But ultimately the most inportant influence is and always will be me.
Sobriety is a choice.
Happiness is a choice. A muscle that we must use everyday.
My name is Ken. I am an alcoholic and drug addicit. I choose today to be happy. I choose today to be sober.
Thank you!
I made everyone hold hands one Christmas and sing carols around the tree.... Like in dr Seuss. I thought that meant we were happy.
Anyone else feel completely empty when they were a kid? I did. I was 6 and I knew lonlyness.
Sadness is I choice.
Yes it is.... Just like happiness is as well.
I choose sadness because I know it.... It has been a freind for a long long time.
When we, as alcoholics, feel comfortable with something we are committed. LOL... You know what I mean.
Be it drinking... Sobriety... Sadness...we make that thing happen.
So I stared at that drink... And thought of those that support me. You.
Dee74, sobbered, Ann, rockbottom, sapling, STIlLLSlEEPInG, ocddan ... everyone. There are so many here.
You and your stories were with me last night.
Not drinking meant something at that point. Because you believe in me and I you.
Do you all have something I do not? Can I be sober with you?
It is a choice. Yes it is. I am not sad this morning because I drank. I am sad because I disappointed you.
SR has become a powerful influence for me....
But ultimately the most inportant influence is and always will be me.
Sobriety is a choice.
Happiness is a choice. A muscle that we must use everyday.
My name is Ken. I am an alcoholic and drug addicit. I choose today to be happy. I choose today to be sober.
Thank you!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Ken,
I do have faith in you. I also have faith that once we get to a point where this @!@! has no control over us anymore we will begin to heal our spirits.
Like you I have felt broken a long time, the alcohol numbed this feeling. I realized 6 days ago... No I realized long before that, but decided to do something about it 6 days ago... That this numbing is no longer working. Things are getting worse and the path I was on was leading me to being without a partner, secluded from family and friends, and without a job.
I want to keep these wonderful things in my life. Reading the posts from others who have succeeded in sobriety for a few months gives me hope that we can begin to heal this self doubt and sadness. There will always be ups and downs, but if we are too drunk to get on the ride we will never experience true joy.
I do have faith in you. I also have faith that once we get to a point where this @!@! has no control over us anymore we will begin to heal our spirits.
Like you I have felt broken a long time, the alcohol numbed this feeling. I realized 6 days ago... No I realized long before that, but decided to do something about it 6 days ago... That this numbing is no longer working. Things are getting worse and the path I was on was leading me to being without a partner, secluded from family and friends, and without a job.
I want to keep these wonderful things in my life. Reading the posts from others who have succeeded in sobriety for a few months gives me hope that we can begin to heal this self doubt and sadness. There will always be ups and downs, but if we are too drunk to get on the ride we will never experience true joy.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: LA, California
Posts: 372
Hey Ken, sounds like you're making a great decision. Ultimately it does come down to you, but remember people care about you, and we're here. I wish you the best and I'll say a prayer for you. God bless
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Yay, Ken, happiness is a choice and it's just a question of shifting your thinking. You can do it!
Many of us had difficult childhoods and it often wounds us deeply.
One thing that prevented me from overcoming those wounds was my anger and resentment. I kept it alive in myself for many, many years and it did no good at all. In fact, it just created negative energy.
Forgiveness is the key. If you can forgive your parents, you will be freed. That doesn't mean you are diminishing the hurt that they caused you or that you will ever forget it. But, it means that you don't have to work keeping the negativity alive any longer. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself.
Many of us had difficult childhoods and it often wounds us deeply.
One thing that prevented me from overcoming those wounds was my anger and resentment. I kept it alive in myself for many, many years and it did no good at all. In fact, it just created negative energy.
Forgiveness is the key. If you can forgive your parents, you will be freed. That doesn't mean you are diminishing the hurt that they caused you or that you will ever forget it. But, it means that you don't have to work keeping the negativity alive any longer. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself.
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Thanks Anna. I am aware of those things. Just helps to express it today. Very emotional. I not fully detoxed so my mood is real low.
I have forgivin them. They are both past on.
I just relized that my mothers death date is the 25th. That could be one reason for the sadness. I used to toast her and drink myself stupid on that day. Not this time.
Thanks rock bottom. I have faith in you and me as well!!!
Eh1988 thanks. Good to know you and others are out there. And I am he for you as well!
I have forgivin them. They are both past on.
I just relized that my mothers death date is the 25th. That could be one reason for the sadness. I used to toast her and drink myself stupid on that day. Not this time.
Thanks rock bottom. I have faith in you and me as well!!!
Eh1988 thanks. Good to know you and others are out there. And I am he for you as well!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Stay Strong Brother, the first few days are very depressing. Then the fog will hit. Just don't give in. Do whatever you need to not to take that first drink. Stay online here for 2 days straight if needed. Go stay with a friend. Listen to music. Cry. Watch funny movies. Go to an AA meeting. Go running.
Really, whatever it takes not to take that first drink.
I wish you good energy and strength.
Really, whatever it takes not to take that first drink.
I wish you good energy and strength.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
HitRockBottom70, these words you wrote are pure truth.
The choice is dead simple, the making it happen for real can be a challenge. With the things you mentioned above hanging in the balance, I decided that this was only going to be as difficult as I chose to make it. This was serious stuff, and there was no way I would ever accept my failure, so drinking became never an option for me.
Best to you and to Weasel on your journey - the choices are yours to make.
This numbing was no longer working. Things were getting worse and the path I was on was leading me to being without a partner, secluded from family and friends, and without a job. I want to keep these wonderful things in my life.
Best to you and to Weasel on your journey - the choices are yours to make.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Many of us have known sadness, pain and fear in our lives - and many of us became comfortable with that, in a perverse way.
Ultimately tho, I think we have to decide how we want to live the rest of our lives - do we let the injuries of the past be inflicted again and again and again and again...or do we draw a line and say 'enough'?
40 years was enough for me - yes not feeling bad was scary, it was uncomfortable, it felt for a long while like I didn't deserve it...but I knew I did.
I believe you know it too Ken - you know what is a good healthy way to live and whats not.
I'm just an ordinary guy - I have nothing you don't have.
You can have everything I have now and more.
All you need to do is make the choice: 'no more'
D
Ultimately tho, I think we have to decide how we want to live the rest of our lives - do we let the injuries of the past be inflicted again and again and again and again...or do we draw a line and say 'enough'?
40 years was enough for me - yes not feeling bad was scary, it was uncomfortable, it felt for a long while like I didn't deserve it...but I knew I did.
I believe you know it too Ken - you know what is a good healthy way to live and whats not.
I'm just an ordinary guy - I have nothing you don't have.
You can have everything I have now and more.
All you need to do is make the choice: 'no more'
D
Last edited by Dee74; 05-17-2012 at 03:19 PM. Reason: typo
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Where the sun is always shining
Posts: 425
I know that loneliness you speak of as a child. My problem is that I stuffed it down and refused to recognize it. I hid from it for 40 years thinking I was impervious to it. I am no longer able to do that. I realize that because of my childhood, I chose bad relationships all of my life and I chose booze to stuff it down. I am doing now what I should have done years ago. Seeing a therapist. I want to be well. I want to know how to live a full happy life without drowning my problems with bad relationships or alcohol. I am sorry you are down today. I feel you. I am so proud of you for not taking that drink. You want this as bad as I do. We can get through this. I believe in you. You are not alone. :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 773
Hi Ken,
It's really not that hard to stay sober, Once you decide you never ever want to drink or use again. On my half baked attempts to stay sober, the cravings were intense, but like i said, once you know for sure that you don't want that pain, and you never, ever want to use again, it seems so much easier. After a while, i started feeling bad for my drinking freinds, because they are cutting their lives short, and could die a horrible death, or just live a really krappy old life, it's your life and health man, you only get one. i'm sorry about your sister, that must have been very hard, i know, i've lost three family members so far, if you can let go of the sadness, you'll be better off, and you can definitly be sober with us. Dan
It's really not that hard to stay sober, Once you decide you never ever want to drink or use again. On my half baked attempts to stay sober, the cravings were intense, but like i said, once you know for sure that you don't want that pain, and you never, ever want to use again, it seems so much easier. After a while, i started feeling bad for my drinking freinds, because they are cutting their lives short, and could die a horrible death, or just live a really krappy old life, it's your life and health man, you only get one. i'm sorry about your sister, that must have been very hard, i know, i've lost three family members so far, if you can let go of the sadness, you'll be better off, and you can definitly be sober with us. Dan
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Thanks for all the support. I appreciate it!!! I feel it!!! It makes a real difference to me!!!
Sober today... Drinking friends invited me out but I told them no. They will get used to that from me or ask me to do other things.
I know my posts are always on the heavy side but feels good to share. As my head clears I am sure they will be more upbeat.
Ken
Sober today... Drinking friends invited me out but I told them no. They will get used to that from me or ask me to do other things.
I know my posts are always on the heavy side but feels good to share. As my head clears I am sure they will be more upbeat.
Ken
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Ken, We're not disappointed in you, as long as you keep trying to get well and heal. You seem very self-aware and you see clearly what needs to be done. Some never get the message, and keep trying to blot out the pain rather than acknowledging it - the way you have.
Keep going, Ken - you're doing great. We're all behind you.
Keep going, Ken - you're doing great. We're all behind you.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,955
Thanks Ken for your inspirational post.
I'm of the 'free will' school of thought when it comes to making choices, alcohol included. Hard choices pop up in my life all the time. And one helpful approach to making the proper choice is being informed. When I'm informed, I'm empowered to make better decisions about what direction I will take my life in.
Keep making progress, keep learning new recovery tools and never quit believing in yourself....you can win over alcohol.
I'm of the 'free will' school of thought when it comes to making choices, alcohol included. Hard choices pop up in my life all the time. And one helpful approach to making the proper choice is being informed. When I'm informed, I'm empowered to make better decisions about what direction I will take my life in.
Keep making progress, keep learning new recovery tools and never quit believing in yourself....you can win over alcohol.
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