There is no magic bullet...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
AA doesn't work for anybody...But it promises this and a lot more if you can get honest with yourself and do the steps...That's why I did them...And this is what I got. Not drinking is a small part out of what I got from AA...A new life and freedom which I didn't think was possible. That's what made me willing to do the work. Simple...Not easy.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Can't we just get honest about the fact that the overwhelming majority of us are doomed?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by muffinhead 
I doubt I'm ever going to 'recover'. Let's face it--most of us don't.
I have been an AA member for the last eleven months. I have done everything suggested, including getting a home group, attending meetings, completing a 90 in 90 (twice), getting a sponsor, reading the books, committing to service, doing service, working the steps, etc...
And, of course, praying. Even when I wonder whom the heck I'm supposed to be praying to. I'm stuck on Step Three, as I have not had the 'spiritual awakening' yet, so have made my group the Higher Power, as suggested.
I've also been on Lexapro, which was suppsed to help with cravings, but did not.
Outside of AA, I attend two hospital-supervised groups weekly (Seeking Safety and Cognitive Behaviour for Addicts). I also see a psychiatrist and a counsellor two to three times a week.
I in no way blame anyone else for my weakness. Higher-Power-of-Your choice knows I've been blessed by these resources.
But the fact is I keep ******* up. Yeah, I've gotten my one-month chip, my two-month chip, and even my three-month chip. But the relapses are getting ridiculous. In the end I always choose booze.
The 'merciless obsession' hasn't been lifted, no matter how many times I try to recite the Serenity Prayer or 'Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow'.
I don't know if it's a genuine disease or a weakness of character. Or simply the fact that I can't genuinely embrace the concept of a loving God. What I do know is that most of us fail. Myself included. Again and again.
Can't we just get honest about the fact that the overwhelming majority of us are doomed?
I have been an AA member for the last eleven months. I have done everything suggested, including getting a home group, attending meetings, completing a 90 in 90 (twice), getting a sponsor, reading the books, committing to service, doing service, working the steps, etc...
And, of course, praying. Even when I wonder whom the heck I'm supposed to be praying to. I'm stuck on Step Three, as I have not had the 'spiritual awakening' yet, so have made my group the Higher Power, as suggested.
I've also been on Lexapro, which was suppsed to help with cravings, but did not.
Outside of AA, I attend two hospital-supervised groups weekly (Seeking Safety and Cognitive Behaviour for Addicts). I also see a psychiatrist and a counsellor two to three times a week.
I in no way blame anyone else for my weakness. Higher-Power-of-Your choice knows I've been blessed by these resources.
But the fact is I keep ******* up. Yeah, I've gotten my one-month chip, my two-month chip, and even my three-month chip. But the relapses are getting ridiculous. In the end I always choose booze.
The 'merciless obsession' hasn't been lifted, no matter how many times I try to recite the Serenity Prayer or 'Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow'.
I don't know if it's a genuine disease or a weakness of character. Or simply the fact that I can't genuinely embrace the concept of a loving God. What I do know is that most of us fail. Myself included. Again and again.
Can't we just get honest about the fact that the overwhelming majority of us are doomed?
Sounds like you haven't quite hit bottom yet ...... there is still a feeling of possible joy and fun in taking a drink...... that you'll feel better.
What does your AA sponsor say about your condition right now? What do the oldtimers tell you when you say that most of us are doomed?
Why are you posting this in the newcomers section?
My compulsion to drink was removed when I got on my knees and surrendered it to God, and didn't take it back.
muffin, what we get is "a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of our spiritual condition" and we don't have to do it perfectly... we just have to do it.
Go back and commit to AA, not just "involved". You will get out of it what you put in. Spend more time and energy getting into AA rather than trying to get out of it.
All the best.
Bob R
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I feel hopeless about recovery, and life in general at times. But I just keep cracking at it. even when I've been in an active relapse, I keep doing my recovery reading, coming here, meditation/praying etc.
In other words, I STAY in the solution, the treatment, even when it seems to be doing nothing, confident that it IS working in the backround. And I truly believe it. Because my attitudes and choices are changing, I am learning, I am beginning to apply what I've learned more and more in my life.
I use many resources in my recovery, traditional as well as "alternative". Part of my recovery program is 12 step, and like you, I've found myself needing to return to step 3 repeatedly, even after I've done 4,5,6,7. When I find myself stalling, it's always because I am slipping on 3 and I need to revisit it. I have a hard time believing that anything out there is going to help me "in here".
What I have come to realize is this. All the elements of a fulfilling life are available to me. That's the "out there". I can use them to have a fulfilling life, that's my part. Using the tools of life.
Not using is awesome, but then what? I want a life that is so much more than not using the thing I used to identify myself with. So I am working at reaching out to the Universe and making use of the resources around me to build a life I want to live, instead of learning how to endure a life I hate.
For me, there is no hope or motivation for recovery unless I have a life beyond running away from my addictions.
In other words, I STAY in the solution, the treatment, even when it seems to be doing nothing, confident that it IS working in the backround. And I truly believe it. Because my attitudes and choices are changing, I am learning, I am beginning to apply what I've learned more and more in my life.
I use many resources in my recovery, traditional as well as "alternative". Part of my recovery program is 12 step, and like you, I've found myself needing to return to step 3 repeatedly, even after I've done 4,5,6,7. When I find myself stalling, it's always because I am slipping on 3 and I need to revisit it. I have a hard time believing that anything out there is going to help me "in here".
What I have come to realize is this. All the elements of a fulfilling life are available to me. That's the "out there". I can use them to have a fulfilling life, that's my part. Using the tools of life.
Not using is awesome, but then what? I want a life that is so much more than not using the thing I used to identify myself with. So I am working at reaching out to the Universe and making use of the resources around me to build a life I want to live, instead of learning how to endure a life I hate.
For me, there is no hope or motivation for recovery unless I have a life beyond running away from my addictions.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 267
Muffin - i think your post heading says it all...no silver bullets. I also think you have put a lot of pressure on yourself, and that is stopping you from being in the here and now. As I understand, AA's 12 steps are not just a checklist, but a walk of life. I think you need to maybe take a moment and be PRESENT in the here and now, and not worry about the past, or what is to come in the future. Work on understanding the words of the meetings, work on actually trying to live step three. Counting 90 meetings in 90 days, or number of days/weeks sober might be just too much pressure, and too much keeping score.
Whether you go AVRT, AA, white knuckle, therapy or any other program or drug; none will give you the silver bullet of sobriety. Sometimes I think we just need to let go, and remove the monkey off our back. In attempting to trust in God, here is a little trick that has been working miracles for me. Over the next several days, things are bound to go not as expected; maybe even badly in one interpretation. For giggles, try and find a silver lining in all those events - and maybe then you will see God's hand. Here are some examples:
1. Car dies on the road. Truth is, I've been delaying my oil change, and I always blamed lack of time for not doing it. Well, now i have no choice, so at least that will get done, cause i can't get to work from here.
2. Took car into shop; didn't go to work; lost pay. Realized that i won't get fired when necessity strikes (a risk i was never willing to take), and that although I am short one day's pay, in fact I am still alive and kicking. The anxiety and fear I used to have has just been removed.
3. [true story] I purchased a bike from a bike shop in CA at a 50% discount. Carbon frame, worth $10K, sold for $5K because it was a 2011 model, and used once. They shipped it to me in NY, and the frame broke in delivery. Normal approach; call get angry, dispute charge on CC. Bike shop is anxious because they sold the bike on consignment, and already paid out the other guy. Instead, I tried Sober living. I was honest, I was compassionate. Knowing that i could cap my downside, I tried a different approach. Total cooperation. Bike shop was so grateful, they called their bike rep, turned out they could warranty it; ran out of 2011 frames, so got me a brand new 2012 frame. The bike is twice what I had before. Do I think God wanted me to have an expensive bike? NO. Do I think God protected me when I tried to live a good honest, and sober life? Yes.
If you notice, I didn't reference booze once. That's because I'm convinced that alcohol was just another drug, a way to cure my anxiety. Besides the fact that it only delayed and compounded it, I am learning that an honest life goes a long way in dealing with anxiety, and so my need for the alcohol has practically evaporated.
Whether you go AVRT, AA, white knuckle, therapy or any other program or drug; none will give you the silver bullet of sobriety. Sometimes I think we just need to let go, and remove the monkey off our back. In attempting to trust in God, here is a little trick that has been working miracles for me. Over the next several days, things are bound to go not as expected; maybe even badly in one interpretation. For giggles, try and find a silver lining in all those events - and maybe then you will see God's hand. Here are some examples:
1. Car dies on the road. Truth is, I've been delaying my oil change, and I always blamed lack of time for not doing it. Well, now i have no choice, so at least that will get done, cause i can't get to work from here.
2. Took car into shop; didn't go to work; lost pay. Realized that i won't get fired when necessity strikes (a risk i was never willing to take), and that although I am short one day's pay, in fact I am still alive and kicking. The anxiety and fear I used to have has just been removed.
3. [true story] I purchased a bike from a bike shop in CA at a 50% discount. Carbon frame, worth $10K, sold for $5K because it was a 2011 model, and used once. They shipped it to me in NY, and the frame broke in delivery. Normal approach; call get angry, dispute charge on CC. Bike shop is anxious because they sold the bike on consignment, and already paid out the other guy. Instead, I tried Sober living. I was honest, I was compassionate. Knowing that i could cap my downside, I tried a different approach. Total cooperation. Bike shop was so grateful, they called their bike rep, turned out they could warranty it; ran out of 2011 frames, so got me a brand new 2012 frame. The bike is twice what I had before. Do I think God wanted me to have an expensive bike? NO. Do I think God protected me when I tried to live a good honest, and sober life? Yes.
If you notice, I didn't reference booze once. That's because I'm convinced that alcohol was just another drug, a way to cure my anxiety. Besides the fact that it only delayed and compounded it, I am learning that an honest life goes a long way in dealing with anxiety, and so my need for the alcohol has practically evaporated.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,958
Originally Posted by muffin
In the end I always choose booze.
With addiction treatment I can today put some time between the decision to drink and physical action of drinking. As the time between choosing and action gets greater, the greater the ability it is to chose not to drink. Eventually one becomes a non-drinker and the desire to live free of alcohol/drugs is greater than any incidence of wanting to drink/drug.
The only failure is to quit entirely on working for a sober life. Don't quit no matter what on recovery. You can have a better life alcohol free.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 146
i'm new to recovery but i can already tell that i will need more than one path to wellness. the most important thing, i believe, is to not judge yourself by any external measure. you WANT to stop drinking. many alcoholics do NOT. ok, so what you're doing right now isn't working. some may say--you need to work harder! others will say, go somewhere else than aa! etc. etc. any and all of these could help, but the bottom line is that you need to give yourself space and time to explore different resources, people etc. who will help you carve out a program that will work for you. in my own case, i have a mental illness and so am working on getting proper medication (without this I will relapse for sure); i go to AA; i have a meditation group; I go to therapy; I read the 12-Step Buddhist among other things. I don't put all my eggs in one basket because that would be a disaster. however, others i know do only aa and find that it fills all their needs. we may not be "terminally unique," but we are nevertheless all different.
don't give up on yourself!!!!
zorah
don't give up on yourself!!!!
zorah
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I agree zorah...Do whatever you have to do to stop....And remain stopped. If that's what you really want...Then nothing should hold you back. I was willing to do anything...
That is what made the difference in making this miserable hopeless alcoholic into a happy sober person. How bad did I want it?
That is what made the difference in making this miserable hopeless alcoholic into a happy sober person. How bad did I want it?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Highland Ranch, CO
Posts: 41
It makes me sad that you think we don't recover...I am 58 days clean and I am doing everything that they suggest. What I do believe is that I don't ever want to drug again...my life sucked big time when I was in my addiction...I have but one thought never to pick up again. My willpower helps me, my God helps me and the other people in NA help me..I think about drugging and sometimes I can't keep it out of my head...but my still small voice says NO!!!!! Please believe in yourself, you can do this...No one ever said it was going to be easy....good luck!
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
We do recover. There are people in programs and those that aren't who recover. There are countless people across the globe who quietly recover, not much ado about it. We are everywhere.
Never lose hope. Never.
Never lose hope. Never.
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