ThaBadGuy

Anyone have trouble making conversation without alcohol in their system? I really struggle to come up with decent conversation without it which sucks cos theres a girl im into recently and with me not drinking things arent so interesting with me. I know people say people should like you for who you are and all that but I gotta admit im pretty damn boring when im sober lol.

please share your thoughts

Sapling

How long have you been sober BadGuy?

Seasidegirllau

haha..thabadguy..im sure your not as boring as you may imagine! Us women like the attention to be on us so just ask her lots of questions and be as attentive as possible, chat about things you know she is interested in, conversation soon starts to flow! Alcohol only gives us dutch courage..it doesnt all of a sudden invent new topics of conversation, be confident and if you like that girl...go get her :-)

ThaBadGuy

6 days sapling.

and seaside girl i already know all of this its just that nothing and i mean nothing comes sparks in my brain when im sober it ******* sucks! - i do very much appreciate your post though!

TimeToGetALife

Why not do a bit of research into what she likes before you see her next? Then you could have a question ready and she will happily chat away to you because you have asked her something that she is interested in, and the conversation should start to flow from there..

Seasidegirllau

No worries :-) maybe with time youll get more used to making conversation sober..if like me booze sapped alot of your interests..you may well find as you start to regain your interests youll have planty more to talk about :-) youll be fine.

Sapling

I was in detox for 5...You're already trying to work on a relationship? My first month I barely knew what state I was in. You got to give time a little time. Things even out...But not that quick.

ThaBadGuy

thanks ppl, time will tell.

DisplacedGRITS

People like talking about themselves. Try asking her questions about herself and what she's interested in. Get her to do most of the talking at first then you'll have enough info to do a little research and reciprocate in the future. Believe me, you're probably a much better conversationalist sober. Being uninhibited isn't necessarily a good thing when it comes to conversation because we tend to over share and run the other person over while we prattle on over nonsense.

ThaBadGuy

thanks diplaced - also another thing is i just lack any kind of excitement in my voice because i guess im not excited. i definately hear what you are sayin on runnin people over sometimes though haha

ThaBadGuy

im wondering though, does anyone else have this issue? i hope its just me lol

DisplacedGRITS

I'm more self conscious about my conversations while they're happening (instead of not remembering parts of them afterwards) so i think that's part of it. Being sober does make me over think what i'm doing and saying even though it's probably perfectly fine.

thesun

I can definitely relate to this, i get intense social anxiety issues when sober, due to alcoholism. It is something that will get a lot better over time.

ThaBadGuy

i get this exactly! sometimes i wish i could just think less about what i say without saying anything bad :S

i think the difference for me is that i had the problem before i became alcoholic but again im older now hopefully things will change with a bit more sober time

LDT

Not a guy here, but even us gals speak pretty much gibberish in our first week of sobriety ( hats off to those of you who don't, but I would guess you are in the minority ). It's like new shoes or something.....really uncomfortable. Good suggestions have been given here, BadGuy... Find out what the girl is about and ask her genuine questions about herself. Don't worry about what your voice "sounds" like. She won't care.

Not trying to tell you what to do, but Sapling has a good point...... you are brave dating after just 6 days into your sobriety. Good luck to you and let us know how it goes.

eJoshua

It takes some time and practice, but you can be just as interesting without the alcohol.

kellyrally

hi BadGuy,...I feel exactly the same as you. In the past, I have used alcohol to make me feel more comfortable in social situations, so I know where you are coming from! Just have to stick with it and practice talking to people without..it will get better I am sure.

midgetcop

I used to be terribly anxious in social situations, and I always felt like I wouldn't be able to get through them without booze in hand. I admit I felt a bit self conscious for the first little while after getting sober, but I eventually got used to socializing sans booze and I feel much better about it. I actually feel like I'm better at conversations - or maybe it's that I actually *remember* them now. I'm never going to be the person who's the life of the party, and I'm TERRIBLE at storytelling, but I'm at least comfortable with who I am and how I interact with others.

Take your time, and have faith that it will get better. Try to let the conversation flow naturally without over-thinking anything. If things get quiet or you feel there's an awkward silence or two, it's not the end of the world. The other person might be feeling just as self conscious as you.

hypochondriac

I can totally empathise with this ThaBadGuy...I was so shy when I was younger I could barely speak. People who know me now don't believe me when I say that! But what helped wasn't alcohol, that just got me drunk and made me fall over...What helped was doing really scary things that I didn't want to do, public speaking, talking to people, making phone calls. Everytime I did something like this my confidence grew and I got better. Conversation takes practice. I still get a little freaked out in the middle of a conversation but it is so much better than it was. Someone on here told me that NLP is really good for social anxiety, that might be worth checking out before you try drinking again.

Good luck x