wpainterw

Robert Mitchum and Curt Jürgens starred in a Navy film years ago called “The Enemy Below”. Along with submarines there is also the human brain. Today I take my wife to the airport to see her off, after which I shall be in the house alone for two days. This reminds me of years ago, in my early recovery, when I was using her as a control, times such as these offered a ready opportunity to resume drinking. Eventually this resulted in a dramatic relapse which fortunately was the beginning of my recovery. Through the years I have become increasingly aware of my “enemy below” or within, namely the primitive or “lizard” part of the brain, called the “beast” by the AVRT folks. I know it’s there within me. It has a long memory and, at times like these, may still spot an opening. So, when I return from the airport I may hear a voice saying softly, “One drink won’t hurt! Wouldn’t it be nice to get back that friendly “buzz”. You haven’t had a drink for over 23 years. I’ll bet one drink gives you that “buzz” you liked so much! Then you can stop.”
It won’t give me the buzz and I won’t be able to stop. I’ve got to remember that. And maybe go a meeting tonight and talk about it. The “beast” is still there and once out of its cage my whole sobriety would come crashing down. No buzz. Deep depression rather, bleak despair, humiliation and possibly worse. Death is a terrible way to attain sobriety.

W.

Sapling

Sounds like a great topic for a meeting. Enjoy it!

Programmatic

A buzz is a paltry recompense for the multitudes of woes I am certain to experience even if I do manage to keep it to one drink only.

The Big Lie is that I can have just one and still be okay. Whether or not I can have just one is highly suspect. That I will not be okay for at least a considerable period of time beyond which the buzz will have dissipated is absolute certainty.

Today I am okay.

Sapling

I like that Programmatic....That's good.