Lost3000

Great post wellwisher, and exactly what I was trying to say and what I feel. I understand what Mark was trying to say to me, took me a bit but I think I have it now.

Funny, I balked at the Serenity Prayer but it does help me a lot now! Accepting there are things I cannot change. I repeat that like a freaking mantra!

Thank you for your post, I do feel much better now after reading yours and others' experiences. I feel better knowing I'm on the right track, rocky as it might be. I feel very committed no matter what, and I am so truly wanting to be not just sober but living a newly created happy life.

wellwisher

LOL - mantra it is...

So much of how we experience our lives depends on how we frame our thoughts and how we see things.

I found the twelve steps not only helped me become abstinent; but they improved my quality of life. That's sobriety.

I suppose the biggest sense of relief I personally found is that not everything is a fight or disaster waiting to happen, and to lose that sense of being worthless, inferior (or on the flip side - superior) to others.

It is really, really, really nice to be living on a level playing field with the rest of the world, instead of losing my mind as everyone watched in horror; like a train wreck you don't want to look at but can't turn away from. Toward the end of my drinking career, I was so crazed I didn't even want to show my face outside; so I didn't. Hid behind closed doors and let others do all my booze runs and take care of life, until they would do it no more.

So grateful to say that is history and grateful for each day I have sober. I'm never going back to that drunken, crazed, lonely place again.

Thanks for your thread....

Lost3000

I totally agree with this. My problem is learning how to frame my thoughts positively and making sure I see things clearly and not muddled because of whatever issues I have.

Thanks. Funny, this thread was about my angst with my husband's vertigo. And now of course it's about me and how I handle myself in my newfound sobriety.

I'm very grateful to have found this forum and for all who contribute to my posts. This forum has been instrumental in showing me new perspectives and helping me down a path I wanted to be on but didn't know how to start. I hope that my posts help someone else out there too. I've met a lot of friends (even some in my city!).

Mark75

There is also a technique to help with this called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. While I don't utilize it all that often, it is very useful for many people. The treatment center I was at used this a great deal... we had to "do" or work all four modules before we "graduated". They had worksheets and everything, and we role played and all that...

It was originally developed for borderline personality disorder, which is a very challenging thing to deal with, but it was also found to be helpful for people in early recovery.... give it a read!!

Dialectical behavior therapy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The wiki article does a nice job of summarizing it... I "pull out" (figuratively, LOL) the mindfulness thing on occasion... kinda helps with that serenity prayer mantra... haha

Lost3000

Thanks Mark, I'll check it out.

KAMRIZ

Hi Lost - I am kinda late to the party, but I wanted to just share that I'm about three months into sobriety and I feel like my husband and I are pretty much getting to know each other all over again although we've been together 21 years.

With my 15 years of drinking...and his 15 years of defensiveness because of my drinking we have a long way to go. Old patterns are hard to break and on top of that add a smidge of vulnerability and sometimes things get wonky.

The other day he told me that every night I put the dog bowl on the kitchen counter to feed our dog and every night he jerks his head around to look at me because it sounds like a wine bottle. I know this sounds totally unrelated to your situation but my point is we are both reacting to stuff that doesn't exist any longer.

We just had a conversation this morning where I got upset because I felt like he shut me down, like I was saying something ridiculously stupid. So I got upset and snapped at him and round and round we go.

We'll be fine later, thank GAWD he's traveling for work this week though...

I just keep reminding myself that we'll be OK, we're doing our best, be patient, and we'll get there after we undo 15 years worth of baloney I've put us through.

I hope your hubby's vertigo goes away soon and congrats on your new sober life.

Lost3000

Thanks Kamriz. Yeah, old habits die hard. And I guess it will take some time for us to get on track. So whilst I've created a new life I also have to create a sort of new marriage. Really good point.

Lost3000

Hey Anna! Did you see my message to you in this thread? Page 1? I had some questions. I was hoping you could answer them. Thank you!!!

Lost3000

Bummer, I was hoping to hear from Anna.

Well, thought I'd give an update. Things are better today. I'm working through my work stress. I attended a mtg last night and shared about my recent struggle. A man was there who just lost his wife and I thought, oh. Now my problem seems ridiculous compared to his.

After the mtg a man walked up to me and handed me his card - a balance/vertigo specialist! I gave the card to my husband. A woman walked up to me and said that what I said really helped her. I was shocked.

I had met a friend there and we talked quite a bit. I told her how I was so upset and crying the other night there was no way I could call anyone. She and I text a lot so she said, why don't you just text me if it happens again? Then at least you can get it off your chest, and if it's not too late I'll text back. That made me so happy I could cry again. How thoughtful of her.

Anyway, we are nearing our vacation and looking forward to it. My husband is getting a little bit better everyday.

We talked and talked over the past day or two about my reaction and how the two of us are navigating my newfound sober life. I didn't realize how much of an adjustment it'd be for him too.

Dee74

Anna works, as well as being a mod and admin here
She hasn't been on in the time you've posted those two messages Lost.

why not PM her?

D

Lost3000

Oh yes, working and mod and admin!! oh my!! You have a point. I saw her posting around the time I was, or so I thought. I was trying to incorporate her comments so that the discussion could be had by all. Thanks Dee.

Anna

Hi Lost,

Sorry, I am crazy busy this week and I missed your post.

All I meant was, you have spent four months working on reading the Big Book and that's great, but if you are inspired, you could make some small changes on your own that could help your recovery.

One thing I did was to get outside after supper every day and do a long walk. The purpose of that was to avoid the early evening time which was a trigger to drink. But, it helped in so many ways. I loved the exercise. Sometimes I walked with my husband and we could talk, uninterrupted. I started really looking at the beauty of my neighborhood. It opened my eyes and my heart to living well and feeling good.

DayTrader

Two very legit fears.

I have ONE reply to both fears: Stay actively engaged in the recovery PROCESS and i've never seen anyone get bored OR become a dry drunk.

Now, by "active" I mean a whole lot of stuff. The toughest for me is to continue to look for truth. It's difficult to set aside old beliefs, to "explore," to consider things that seem "wrong" to me.......it's in doing that though that the process constantly evolves, changes and grows. It's always changing, getting deeper and better.... so no chance of stagnation.

Lost3000

Oh that's ok! I wanted to hear from you but didn't fault you for not responding! Thanks for writing!

Well, I am not only reading the Big Book. I joined a book club. That was huge for me. Through that, I made a couple of friends. I put my neck out on the line and asked if they wanted to hang out. I've had several lunches, shopping dates, coffees. Same with the friends I've met via AA. I've made calls and those have turned into 1/2 hour talks! Probably would have gone longer had I not been required to end the call. I've reached out to my brother and we've been spending lots of Sundays together.

This is more than I've done in a year during my drinking times. That's why I feel like I have made small and big positive changes in my life.

My work days are not structured at all. So one day I come home at 6, others 7, sometimes 5, sometimes 8. So evening walks don't work as well for me. Mainly because once I'm home I read a little, have dinner, then bed. Things have been crazy at work (it's up and down for me, we have a trial coming up and so it tends to get extra nuts then) and then there's my husband - who I do everything with - who's now down on the count.

THEN, I have meetings I try to go to at least once a week, either over my lunch hour or after work. I also meet my sponsor once a week after work.

I guess what I'm saying is I feel like my plate is full. I can tell you that my reading has increased ten fold. And I don't mean the Big Book. I read two fiction books in one month - and that's more than I've ever read EVER.

Maybe I gave off the impression that the last four months has had me reading the Big Book. Not so --- I really only began reading it 2 months ago and I haven't made all that much progress. Only recently have I wanted to so I could get to these damn steps!

Anyway, not rejecting what you are saying at all Anna. Just saying I'm crazy busy all the time it seems. Maybe having something, small, that I do every day, would help me in recovery. I'll think about it. I really like the idea. Thank you.

Lost3000

Well, thanks DT, that means a lot to me. I realized that since my husband's vertigo, I was slacking on progress. I tossed it all aside to deal with him. But it wasn't necessary to do that. And by me doing that, I neglected myself. Which isn't good for me, him, or the marriage. So I dove right back in. Called a friend, went to a mtg, stayed and talked with her. Emailed my sponsor, read some of the Big Book, and generally tried to give myself a break with going to bed early, and having some Oreos. LOL. Love them.