Have decided to quit for good...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Posts: 165
Have decided to quit for good...
Hi everyone.
I just found this online forum and thought I would sign up as I have decided to quit drinking alcohol for good.
A little about me...I am a 27yo female living in New Zealand. I first started drinking alcohol when I was around 14 or 15 years of age (which seems ridiculous when pointed out) and I have always been a heavy binge drinker. I don't know if I can be classed as an "alcoholic" - but I certainly have always been an alcohol abuser.
I am lucky in a way because it hasn't completely ruled my life - I am functional and I have a career and a job etc. But I feel my drinking is really spiralling out of control right now. I already take medication for depression and anxiety and I feel that I drink to mask these feelings, but it just ends up giving more fuel to the fire. I drink whenever I feel stressed - I always feel like I must have a drink to cope with the problems and stresses of daily life - especially work.
Lately, I have been drinking more heavily than usual and I have had some very heavy hangovers. A couple of months ago, I made myself so sick I thought I was going to die at one stage. I was curled up in a ball on the floor for most of the afternoon. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sit up - I just felt intense pain all over. Even now, I am hungover. I had sworn to myself that I was never going to drink again, but I have been drunk many times since this day. This one hasn't been as bad but I think I drank just as heavily last night whuch scares me.
I always seem to have huge comedowns from my drinking sessions. Today, I have been in bed all day long feeling terrible. My hands have been shaky all day and my heart has been racing really fast in my chest. I always feel very anxious after drinking. It just makes everything worse.
I woke up this morning and it just kind of hit me that I need to change. I don't want this in my life anymore. I feel like a complete fraud. I have a good job that requires me to be a rolemodel, yet I feel like the opposite. I have no faith or confidence in myself and I just feel like I have hit bottom emotionally. I no longer have the passion or energy to live my life and I think if I continue drinking, I may not be here for much longer - one way or another.
I thought about it...I have been drinking like this for over ten years. I need to change.
I don't really know where to start...well I guess this is where I am starting. Right here and now.
Sorry for the essay!
Any tips and advice much appreicated.
I just found this online forum and thought I would sign up as I have decided to quit drinking alcohol for good.
A little about me...I am a 27yo female living in New Zealand. I first started drinking alcohol when I was around 14 or 15 years of age (which seems ridiculous when pointed out) and I have always been a heavy binge drinker. I don't know if I can be classed as an "alcoholic" - but I certainly have always been an alcohol abuser.
I am lucky in a way because it hasn't completely ruled my life - I am functional and I have a career and a job etc. But I feel my drinking is really spiralling out of control right now. I already take medication for depression and anxiety and I feel that I drink to mask these feelings, but it just ends up giving more fuel to the fire. I drink whenever I feel stressed - I always feel like I must have a drink to cope with the problems and stresses of daily life - especially work.
Lately, I have been drinking more heavily than usual and I have had some very heavy hangovers. A couple of months ago, I made myself so sick I thought I was going to die at one stage. I was curled up in a ball on the floor for most of the afternoon. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sit up - I just felt intense pain all over. Even now, I am hungover. I had sworn to myself that I was never going to drink again, but I have been drunk many times since this day. This one hasn't been as bad but I think I drank just as heavily last night whuch scares me.
I always seem to have huge comedowns from my drinking sessions. Today, I have been in bed all day long feeling terrible. My hands have been shaky all day and my heart has been racing really fast in my chest. I always feel very anxious after drinking. It just makes everything worse.
I woke up this morning and it just kind of hit me that I need to change. I don't want this in my life anymore. I feel like a complete fraud. I have a good job that requires me to be a rolemodel, yet I feel like the opposite. I have no faith or confidence in myself and I just feel like I have hit bottom emotionally. I no longer have the passion or energy to live my life and I think if I continue drinking, I may not be here for much longer - one way or another.
I thought about it...I have been drinking like this for over ten years. I need to change.
I don't really know where to start...well I guess this is where I am starting. Right here and now.
Sorry for the essay!
Any tips and advice much appreicated.
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
Welcome Kelly, you have started in the right place. Just have a look around the forums, you have taken the right step, the grip of booze will get worse, so make a decision now to get clean. I did the same back in January, and am 12 weeks sober now. I feel great
Stick around
BP
Stick around
BP
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Gee you must be on right now!! The first week is the hardest. I likened it to jumping out of the alcohol party plane without a parachute, I didn't care what would happen. To my surprise I found my own wings.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hi Kelly and welcome to SR. This is such a fantastic place to be, the support is incredible.
You sound a bit like me, a good career, functioning well and able to lead what appears on the outside to be a normal existence. But the drinking has taken a grip and your health is suffering and you now recognise its time to take stock....
The big difference between us however is that I'm 20 years older than you because I didn't take time to do what you are doing. All those wasted years.
I'm still early in recovery so will leave it to others to give you the guidance you need to make this work, but just wanted to say that you are doing so well to take this step.
Things don't get better or go away until you take action.
There's a great community here and we're all behind you x
You sound a bit like me, a good career, functioning well and able to lead what appears on the outside to be a normal existence. But the drinking has taken a grip and your health is suffering and you now recognise its time to take stock....
The big difference between us however is that I'm 20 years older than you because I didn't take time to do what you are doing. All those wasted years.
I'm still early in recovery so will leave it to others to give you the guidance you need to make this work, but just wanted to say that you are doing so well to take this step.
Things don't get better or go away until you take action.
There's a great community here and we're all behind you x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
I think you are making a very positive decision. At your age, I was just starting on my road of alcohol and drug abuse.
The question is, are you really ready to admit you might have a problem with alcohol and are you willing too pursue a program of recovery, AVRT? AA? something along those lines?
When I Was your age and realized I had a problem, and realized that swearing off booze for a week, a month, for 90 days, just landed me right back on the floor, I didn't turn to others for help, didn't think I needed help, and didn't chase a solution to what ailed me.
I hope you are different than me.
Congratulations on finding SR...it's a great place to hang, learn and find support.
The question is, are you really ready to admit you might have a problem with alcohol and are you willing too pursue a program of recovery, AVRT? AA? something along those lines?
When I Was your age and realized I had a problem, and realized that swearing off booze for a week, a month, for 90 days, just landed me right back on the floor, I didn't turn to others for help, didn't think I needed help, and didn't chase a solution to what ailed me.
I hope you are different than me.
Congratulations on finding SR...it's a great place to hang, learn and find support.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Hi Kelly. I would recommend that you make a plan for recovery that is different from what you have done in the past. I can relate to your account of trying so many times to quit. For me it finally came down to listening to folks who had successfully done it and doing what they do. AA was what worked. Hope you find that thing that works for you. All the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Posts: 165
Hi Instant, yes I am on now... thanks for your messages and good on you for doing 11 months. Right now that seems so impossible....I struggle going without for a few days - weekends especially. But yeah, I need to bite the bullet. I like your analogy - thank you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Posts: 165
Hi Jeni and Memphis...thanks for your messages. Just realised I have posted this thread twice wooops lol.
Memphis you have a good point. I am the classic "I dont need any help" sort of person...I always jsut struggle along on my own until it all becomes too much. I have never really considered or tried to follow a recovery program, because I have never really thought of myself as that far gone in a way...
But maybe I am? I don't think I am a true alcoholic but definitely an abuser, who is following a dangerous path towards that of an alcoholic.
But I have emailed an organisation here that offers free counselling for those wanting to quit alcohol...so I am hoping that will be a good start.
Memphis you have a good point. I am the classic "I dont need any help" sort of person...I always jsut struggle along on my own until it all becomes too much. I have never really considered or tried to follow a recovery program, because I have never really thought of myself as that far gone in a way...
But maybe I am? I don't think I am a true alcoholic but definitely an abuser, who is following a dangerous path towards that of an alcoholic.
But I have emailed an organisation here that offers free counselling for those wanting to quit alcohol...so I am hoping that will be a good start.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 122
Hi Kelly. Welcome, you have made the right decision. I am 47 years old and had just stopped for good! What is different about this time I don't know but I know I am done with booze.
Aged 27 I got a job working on the cruise ships. Up to then my history was very like yours, I held down a good job, normal life etc. The booze on the ship was too much, it was cheap, plentful and everywhere. Aged 30 I returned home and joined AA. Since then a long story of on and off. The on was always the same, just like you, feeling ill, low self esteem, the feeling that this lifestyle cannot go on. Lying curled up feeling like death.
Now I am on day 20. No more sweats, shakes, sickness. I have plans for today, same as I did yesterday and I KNOW they will happen. Nothing exciting just things to do, but the feeling that I will feel like I do know in 12 hours in lovely.
I am trying to say please please don't throw another 20 years at it. It won't go away. Get any help you can. You are obviously smart, use that in your recovery.#
I wish you the very best. Welcome to SR. I come here over 3 times a day, its my support, so glad you found it. Use it.
Aged 27 I got a job working on the cruise ships. Up to then my history was very like yours, I held down a good job, normal life etc. The booze on the ship was too much, it was cheap, plentful and everywhere. Aged 30 I returned home and joined AA. Since then a long story of on and off. The on was always the same, just like you, feeling ill, low self esteem, the feeling that this lifestyle cannot go on. Lying curled up feeling like death.
Now I am on day 20. No more sweats, shakes, sickness. I have plans for today, same as I did yesterday and I KNOW they will happen. Nothing exciting just things to do, but the feeling that I will feel like I do know in 12 hours in lovely.
I am trying to say please please don't throw another 20 years at it. It won't go away. Get any help you can. You are obviously smart, use that in your recovery.#
I wish you the very best. Welcome to SR. I come here over 3 times a day, its my support, so glad you found it. Use it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Posts: 165
thanks for your post Rachel. I identify with what you say and yeah...I really don't want this to be the story of my life. Glad you have finally made the change also....I guess you can't worry about the past - just need to move forward from here 
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
Weekends were hard for me too Kelly, I had an AA meet on a Thursday night (because the weekend started then - it ended Wednesday, but thats another matter - that gave me a boost.
Also find other things to do, go out
Today is national record store day in UK, so I am going to check out a nearby indie record shop. You soon find out there is loads of stuff out there to do, which dont involve drink (and infact you cant do with drink)
Try and keep away from people who are drink buddies, perhaps the hardest bit, or at least tell them you have stopped. I did that for my gf, and close friends, now nobody even thinks of offering me a drink, and some even ask if I mind if they have a beer with me on tea.
Friends you wont lose
Also find other things to do, go out
Today is national record store day in UK, so I am going to check out a nearby indie record shop. You soon find out there is loads of stuff out there to do, which dont involve drink (and infact you cant do with drink)
Try and keep away from people who are drink buddies, perhaps the hardest bit, or at least tell them you have stopped. I did that for my gf, and close friends, now nobody even thinks of offering me a drink, and some even ask if I mind if they have a beer with me on tea.
Friends you wont lose
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 300
Hi kelly, so glad you posted, welcome to SR. I've only been posting 6 days so I'm new to this type of thing too.
Previously I would never have dreamed of posting anything but recent events in my life have forced me to face some harsh realities, mainly to do with my drinking. You mention the difference between an alcoholic and an alcohol abuser, which are you you wondered. I too have tangled with that question. I think addiction is so insidious that we allow ourselves to answer that issue in the way that favours continued drinking. At least that is what I feel I do. Anyways, what is the difference really when what it boils down to is that you want to stop, the rest are just semantics.
I had my last booze-up Sunday night and Monday was hell (not for the first time). I woke up Monday morning and began posting here. I am feeling positive and hopeful for the first time in years. I am under no illusions about how hard the times ahead will be. On Thursday I had my first serious craving, I fought hand-to-hand combat with it, wrestled it, was nearly overpowered several times but finally pinned it. That will happen again and again. All I can offer you is hope, and keep coming here to SR. It's been a rock for me the past few days. Best of luck!
Previously I would never have dreamed of posting anything but recent events in my life have forced me to face some harsh realities, mainly to do with my drinking. You mention the difference between an alcoholic and an alcohol abuser, which are you you wondered. I too have tangled with that question. I think addiction is so insidious that we allow ourselves to answer that issue in the way that favours continued drinking. At least that is what I feel I do. Anyways, what is the difference really when what it boils down to is that you want to stop, the rest are just semantics.
I had my last booze-up Sunday night and Monday was hell (not for the first time). I woke up Monday morning and began posting here. I am feeling positive and hopeful for the first time in years. I am under no illusions about how hard the times ahead will be. On Thursday I had my first serious craving, I fought hand-to-hand combat with it, wrestled it, was nearly overpowered several times but finally pinned it. That will happen again and again. All I can offer you is hope, and keep coming here to SR. It's been a rock for me the past few days. Best of luck!
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
The subject title you chose for this thread just happens to be the prime directive of a recovery program here. It's called Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT). It's over in the Secular Recovery Forum. I was a binge drinker and was able to dry out pretty easily, but staying quit is what AVRT is designed to help people succeed at. Welcome to that great fork in the road of life. You CAN do it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Welcome Kelly
I merged your two threads
I was a don't ask for help kind of person too, but that 'tude got me into some pretty dire straits.
SR was good for me, in that I had lots of input from lots of people and lots of different methods - I found my way, which was very important to me
SR, and the people on it, helped me change my life - I know we can help you do the same
good to have you here
D
I merged your two threads
I was a don't ask for help kind of person too, but that 'tude got me into some pretty dire straits.
SR was good for me, in that I had lots of input from lots of people and lots of different methods - I found my way, which was very important to me
SR, and the people on it, helped me change my life - I know we can help you do the same
good to have you here
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by kellyrally 
Today, I have been in bed all day long feeling terrible. My hands have been shaky all day and my heart has been racing really fast in my chest. I always feel very anxious after drinking. It just makes everything worse.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 122
Good luck Kelly. Hoping to see you here all the time. Thanks Billy, take care in Huddersfield, but you're only brave in you venture into the Yorkshire Dales! We are all quite quite mad.
have a good day guys. Looking forward to checking in later and seeing what you all up to.
have a good day guys. Looking forward to checking in later and seeing what you all up to.
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