OK I finally made it here...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 164
OK I finally made it here...
My addiction to drugs and alcohol began about 12 years ago when I smoked my first joint. Since then I have been able to complete college, obtain certifications necessary to my professional career, get married and have two wonderful children, all while being either drunk or high just about every day. I guess this is what you would call a functional addict. I push my abuse until the maximum limit before I completely detroy my life, and then I go on a small sober "vacation" until I slowly let my addiction creep back in my life and bring me to the brink of destruction again. I am so exhaused from this lifestyle. I am tired of constiantly disappointing my wife, and my family. My body and mind cant take this anymore, and I know one day I will finally loose it all. I can't live like this anymore. So anyway, I dont know what to do, but I figure here is a good place to start. I'm going to start reading here and try to build some healthy supportive relationships. Thanks to anyone that has read this.
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 249
I think it's more complicated when one is a "functional" addict. I lived 16 years that way, always troubled by my use, and yet, couldn't see reason to quit. Why should I? Everything was going fine, had a job, car, house, marriage, college degree...Yep, had it all.
And then I thought, did I have it all? "All" to me revolved primarily around using. That's all I wanted. That's why I worked, it's why I interacted with people, it was my primary motivation for pretty much everything. Escaping reality was my primary objective.
That seemed messed up, even to an active addict.
I was fortunate that I didn't lose much in the divorce, after 15 years of marriage. The financial hit was something I recovered from, but am still paying for it. I got to keep my job. I was lucky.
The sooner you take action to get straight the sooner you can get on with living the life you really want. What do you REALLY want?
And then I thought, did I have it all? "All" to me revolved primarily around using. That's all I wanted. That's why I worked, it's why I interacted with people, it was my primary motivation for pretty much everything. Escaping reality was my primary objective.
That seemed messed up, even to an active addict.
I was fortunate that I didn't lose much in the divorce, after 15 years of marriage. The financial hit was something I recovered from, but am still paying for it. I got to keep my job. I was lucky.
The sooner you take action to get straight the sooner you can get on with living the life you really want. What do you REALLY want?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 438
Welcome gordano!
This site is great & you will find a lot of good things to read around here. I also was very "functional"...I have 4 kids, own my own business and a house, i'm married...from the outside, everything was perfect & functional. The biggest thing i've taken away so far from what people say is this: when I say "well I haven't lost my family"...they say "YET" . When I say "I haven't lost my business"...they say "YET". The list can go on & on with the yet's especially for those of us who perceive ourselves to be functional.
Glad you came here...look for the similarities, not the differences as you read these boards. They've been very helpful to me
This site is great & you will find a lot of good things to read around here. I also was very "functional"...I have 4 kids, own my own business and a house, i'm married...from the outside, everything was perfect & functional. The biggest thing i've taken away so far from what people say is this: when I say "well I haven't lost my family"...they say "YET" . When I say "I haven't lost my business"...they say "YET". The list can go on & on with the yet's especially for those of us who perceive ourselves to be functional.
Glad you came here...look for the similarities, not the differences as you read these boards. They've been very helpful to me
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
Gordono,
Welcome to SR! This is a great place for love, support and wisdom. I am in a rush, so gotta run - just wanted to welcome you. Your story sounds very familiar to me....take care, and stop now - you won't believe how much happier you will be.
Welcome to SR! This is a great place for love, support and wisdom. I am in a rush, so gotta run - just wanted to welcome you. Your story sounds very familiar to me....take care, and stop now - you won't believe how much happier you will be.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 164
thanks everyone for your support...
To respond to jstar - "Yet" is absolutely correct. I know I am very fortunate to have a wife that still loves me, children that still respect me, a job that still pays me and no criminal record. I am actually astonished that this is still the case and I am a very lucky person indeed. This is the driving force this is making me look for help now. I know that one more relapse can mean I can lose everything I hold dear. How do I get involved with local AA meetings? I'm not even sure where to look this up. Is it as easy as picking up the phone book?
To respond to jstar - "Yet" is absolutely correct. I know I am very fortunate to have a wife that still loves me, children that still respect me, a job that still pays me and no criminal record. I am actually astonished that this is still the case and I am a very lucky person indeed. This is the driving force this is making me look for help now. I know that one more relapse can mean I can lose everything I hold dear. How do I get involved with local AA meetings? I'm not even sure where to look this up. Is it as easy as picking up the phone book?
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