chiyo

So this is once again my first day sober and I've been in a bad mood all day. No excuse I know but it is what it is. So earlier today I went off on another woman because she was being very rude, loud and dissrespectful. My husband was of course upset with me and told me that I should stay drunk becaue I'm easier to manage that way. At the time I laughed it off thinking he was joking around but he hasn't said anything to me. And when I asked him if it was a joke he said no and we haven't talked in the last couple of hours. So this got me thinking about the days events ( I know, overthinking, not good). Should I attempt to talk to him about it? Should I let it go and wait until he comes to me? I'm not used to being THIS moody, hope it doesnt last long.

Lost3000

oh girly, I feel for ya. I'm a little over 3 mos sober and still get moody, over emotional, etc. It's rough. I chalk it up to my body being confused. Do you talk to your hubby about this at all? That seems to help me. Good luck doll. Just wanted to say I know how you feel and hope you feel better.

GrowingDaily

Just as you said something you probably didn't mean, I'm sure your husband did also.

Regardless, your life, your health, your happiness, and your future are worth a bit of frustration on his part. That's part of the deal when you get married. He'll get over it. And you'll get better.

chiyo

Thanks. Lost, he won't talk to me right now. I know I'm a lot to handle at times and he is a saint for putting up with me for this long.

Lost3000

Hi, not sure how long you've been married. I've been married almost 9 years now and one thing I'm finally getting (now that I'm sober LOL) is that time apart really helps the arguments. Let him stew and you find something to do, like write on here or play an internet game. Once you two are calmed down you can try talking to him about your alcoholism. I've had to do the same many times and it really seems to help - I feel at least he knows where I'm coming from.

FormerDrunko

I just have to say, as a "dude", I find talking to be one of the most critical areas of my marriage. Sometimes my wife clams up instead of letting the steam off, and I am left wondering, rather than us working stuff out.

Something we have found works is get something honest out there right away. For instance, I'll go to her when I think she's clammed up, and tell her I was doing X because I felt Y was unfair, and I'm still fuming (or not), and that while I can't reasonably talk now, it is something to think about. Typically,she'll respond in kind, and while it isn't the smoothest conversation, it lets both of us vocalize an issue, knowing we'll return to it later, and having a basic understanding of where each other are coming from.

I hope everything works out good for you both!

2granddaughters

Al-Anon would help your husband a lot, chiyo.

Bob

eJoshua

Maybe he just needs some time to get over his bad mood. Try bringing it up with him later tonight or tomorrow maybe.

Lost3000

Hey chiyo, I just thought about a fairly recent argument I had with DH (dear husband). It was about an event we had to attend. We got into it on the phone and I kept trying, trying to turn the convo around, get him to see my side. I knew it was going nowhere. Finally, he yelled and hung up on me.

OMG, I cried! In the past I would have driven straight to the liquor store and pounded some vodka in my car. As it was, I was in the parking lot of my gym. So I forced myself inside, and hopped on the treadmill. I took my time and used the spa/steamroom afterwards. Finally I get back to my car to find all these missed calls. It's hubby. I call him back and he says, honey, I love you so much, I'm sorry, please come home.

I realized then he must have been worried that I was out getting drunk. I had this whole new perspective. The argument was totally not worth it and I don't think we talked about it again. The event played out with no bumps anyhow.

Just wanted to share this with you. Take care.

chiyo

Bob, he won't do it. He's made it very clear. I think he's still upset with me that I started drinking again and he's got every right to be upset. I just hate not being able to talk. If there is a problem I want to talk it out asap so there are no misunderstandings later on.

Lost, thanks, that was sweet.

bskeys1404

Honestly you need to take some responsibility here. He shouldn'y have said it or could've gotten the same point across with better chosen words. But if you wanna finally get honest about it and no matter what the lady did at the store that's her ****. We can't run around trying to tell people to do what we want them to do. The Big Book says a lot about this. I would personaly go to him and apologize to him for embarrasing him in the store. We can't play the victim anymore and stay sober. After you apollogize to him just say I would appreciate it if you wouldn't say that stuff to me like that. And Granddaughters 2 said it right. He's not an alcoholic and doesn't understand why we do what we do .Why we feel the way we feel.He needs to go to Alanon meetings. It would help hi tremendously. And it sounds like you've been trying to quit for some time now. Matbe it's time to try something new. Have you thought about treatment? This whole thing has absolutely nothing to do with what we put in our bodies but why we do it. Maybe you can learn in treatment what you can't figure out on your own. Everybody's allowed to have their badd days but we don't have a right to take it out on other people. Believe me I live in Florida and rudeness ought to be the state word. I really think you should try something different because what it sounds like is that you need to get help not your husband.

DayTrader

I blew my marriage out a couple years before I got sober.... just putting that one out there.

What I used to do: when I felt WE needed to talk about something and I deemed that time was NOW......I'd MAKE that conversation happen at MY time and at MY pace. --you already know how that worked out.

First months of recovery......we go through some MAAAASSIVE emotional upheavals. You'll swear to X today......but a week from now you'll see how you were crazy, X is wrong, and it's really Y. A month later, you'll see it really WAS X that was right from the get-go and Y was for something else. Month or two later, you won't know what's what, what X or Y even are, which one is right....... .....get my point? lol.

The HARDEST thing for me is to not do what I want, when I want, the way I want to do it. If he/she is mad and I want to ignore it now and fix it later....but they decide to try and talk now......it's a killer......but I try now to listen to them and do it on their time. If he/she is mad and I want to fix it now but they want to wait.......I try now to wait and do it on their terms. Talk about a new way to live, right? Before recovery I never did much of anything that way......it was always based on me, what I wanted, my desires, my best thinking, etc.

I've had my BEST "make-up" talks.......with friends in recovery whom I've screwed over, with girl-friends, with my ex-wife as I made amends....... when I put some time between my emotions being on high-alert and actually talking to them. IF they want to talk now......and if I recognize that I'm still emotionally charged......and if I think I'm not 100% able to control those emotions (which I rarely am...lol), I'll ASK them if we can do it later cuz I'm still fired up and don't want to over react or under react. (above, I said I do it on their time and here I'm seemingly saying the opposite...... what I mean is I do it on their time all the time.....IF I can keep my emotions in check).

Lost3000

Oh thanks! I just wanted you to know that I emphasize with your situation. I am the worst at that - just want to talk it out! But now! Not later! Unfortunately my husband doesn't work that way. Annoying. And it'd make me feel so much better! But if I force it then it's not a good ending. Before I'd run to booze and smother it out that way - now I guess the treadmill works just as well.

sugarbear1

Ever consider AA & Al Anon and then have a "husband and wife meeting?"

I've listened to Al Anon & AA speakers who use this technique, it seems to help them.

I also heard another sponsor/talk and the person always suggested that the husband and wife make the bed together in the morning--there's a whole lot of negotiation that is required for this simple task!

Always a solution!! Be proactive! Stay strong and stay stopped!! You are worth it!