bayliss

!!!

My Doc office called and said he can't take me in today (I did mention that it was regarding detoxing) but he can take me in tomorrow...should I worry about tonight?? I am so paranoid. I hate this.

About a week ago I went 2 days with no booze and was fine so maybe I am really over-exaggerating and my hypocondria and OCD is in high gear for no reason?
I am so hyper aware of everything though. Every little pain or something. UGH!

bayliss

Anyone ?

bayliss

Thank you so much Fandy.
I have never had issues in the past...I have been able to quit fine with mild discomfort...and usually it was cravings that were pissing me off...but I have been doing too much reading on the internet and my anxiety about withdrawal is at an all time high...I am grateful I have my bf to be with me through this. I am alone during the days though but his Mom lives upstairs.
As I said...day 1...no shaking, no vomiting, no nausea...no appetite though and anxiety...I also feel like crying at the drop of a hat and maybe am slightly shakey but that is because I am upset..if that makes sense.

I will definitely be honest with my doctor.
He knows I have issues with drinking so I am sure if he was really concerned he would have fit me in today in some way or advised me to go elsewhere or make an appointment with another doc so I have to remember that as well.

Thanks.

Pigtails

Best wishes in your sobriety and recovery, Bayliss. If you can find a face-to-face support group it might really help you. People will understand where you'er coming from and your struggles, and will support you. It was by far the biggest reason I am sober today. Face to face support groups aren't for everyone but I've seen through your history here that you try on your own and fail (I was the same way), so IMO and experience they can be really helpful in that situation. I wouldn't just go once and then give up on it -- I had to go back several times and keep going and trying out different groups until I felt comfortable and a good fit. I have found some great friends who help me so much. I am a 31 year old woman and in my group (I personally chose AA) and there are a lot of different age groups represented, and a lot of truly helpful women who are helping me save my life and turn it around for the better. Whichever way you choose to go, I really hope you can stick with it for good this time. All the best.

Relayer

You mentioned that you're not eating. This is when you really need to force yourself to eat and also drink some things high in sugar and carbs. Your body is partially craving the huge amounts of carbs that the alcohol provided every day. Very important! Gatorade is a good choice, both sugars and extra carbs. Force some food down too... it will provide the carbs and nutes you need badly right now, plus it's much better to take your vitamins with food! If you need an ativan to insure that you won't drink....DO IT!!! Lastly... you may need to find a different doc who is a specialist in addiction. Good luck! You can make it.

bayliss

Thanks everyone.
I don't want to jinx it but I kinda feel "normal" at the moment and then the addictive voice kicks in and is saying to me "See? You don't even have terrible withdrawals! You can have a glass or two of wine tonight!"...ugh.

I know I should eat...I did have a protein shake and am working on a gatorade. Took a bunch of vitamins (L-Glutamine, Milk Thistle, B1 Complex, Multi and Omega-3)...will try and eat later on...but really have no appetite at all. But I know I should at least try. :/

Weird that some people experience no discomfort withdrawing from alcohol. My boyfriend was totally fine when he quit. I am sure he craved it at times after a busy day at work but it rings true when people say it withdrawal is more of a mental thing.

Jitterbugg

Hi Bayliss,
You mentioned you have concurrent conditions of OCD and anxiety. I suggest you look into in-patient treatment. I went to a facility last year where they tackle addiction as well as psychiatric disorders at the same time. They had a whole team of addiction counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists, and nurses. They diagnosed me with ADD while I was there and, besides one relapse, Ive been pretty much sober since.

bayliss

I unfortunately wouldn't be able to do inpatient...unless that was something that I absolutely had to do but I am hoping I can detox at home. I will be looking at therapy (CBT) once I get this drinking thing controlled...or rather, not drinking...But that is a good suggestion for anyone else that is going through the same thing and is able to do it. Thanks for the tip Jitterbug.

gaffo

By all means go to the Doctor but know that there is no way that this won't suck. Early sobriety is a big hairy dog that had me begging for mercy. There is no magic cure. Have faith that it gets better. Practice gratitude. Check in here frequently.

I drink a lot of tea and water. I also love to drink too much coffee. Anything but alcohol really is the important thing but I try to drink stuff with low/no calories to maximize my health benefits from not drinking.

Good luck!

bayliss

Wow. I totally fudged that one up...that didn't last long....even though I had only 2 glasses of wine...it was late...the boyfriend was asleep, I found some wine in the fridge.

This isn't stopping me though ultimately.

I am still going to the doctor's today...tell him what happened and hope to devise a plan with him.

Drinking isn't even fun anymore...it just made me tired...even though I was sufficiently tired from all the sleepy time tea I had. I was doing pretty well too.

I am going to also make sure there is no booze in the house - even upstairs at his Mom's part...I will ask her to put it away elsewhere...I just don't want the constant reminder that it is there. I might not have necessarily drank it - that beer has been in her fridge for months...
I am just not a beer or liquor person but put wine somewhere near me and I'm all over it. Morning, noon and night.

I am afraid a bit for my appointment. I know my liver must not be doing so well...but I hear it is extremely resilient and I can get it back to somewhat healthy...

I need to stop being afraid of detox and just go with it.

Just wanted to update you guys.
I am disappointed in myself as you all must be in me!

Thanks for listening.
I will succeed in getting better! I KNOW THIS!

jobei

It's too bad that you caved but it's pretty common. Are you going to drink today? I'd decide that now and stick with the decision. I hope you choose not to!

bayliss

It is too bad. I hope not to cave today. I really want to pour the rest of that bottle out and I stood in front of the fridge for quite a while contemplating it and then ended up leaving it.
Wow. What a mind**** alcoholism is!

jobei

So do it... right now... pour it out.

Sapling

You could always pour it out now...You mentioned your BF's detox...What's keeping him sober now?

bayliss

I know.

He just stops drinking...like that...like it is nothing in the world. He has drank with me on and off the last little while...but I have been the heavier drinker of the two of us...he can stop and just have some on Saturday's...that's it.
He drank with me for a month or two every night and then 3 weeks ago just stopped for 2.5 weeks...then had some on a weekend...
Mind blowing for me.
But it's obvious that he isn't an alcoholic...


Is it weird that I have anxiety thinking about pouring it out? I know it is what I need to do. But it is just so bizarre to me.

Sapling

So he's drinking now....And he knows you're trying to stop?....If he's not an alcoholic...Do you think maybe he could cut you some slack?

bayliss

No no no, he isn't drinking at all Sapling. Sorry if I made it come across that way.

Sapling

Maybe I just misunderstood this.

bayliss

Sorry that was January/February he drank with me every night...then I went on a trip for 3 weeks (just a week into March) where he didn't drink at all while I was gone and then when I got back on Saturday we had some wine...then we discussed my drinking on Sunday...that is when I decided I need to do something about this. Once and for all.

Sapling

That's good...I hope he's giving you the support you need....See your doctor and think about some kind of plan that can give your all to and get alcohol out of your life.....Good luck to you Bayliss....I hope it works out.