I'm Not Going To Make It....
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 174
Muffin, please understand that the choice you're entertaining doesn't make any sense - and you know that. All you're doing is choosing MORE pain if you go back to drinking. You can't justify treating pain with pain. Not to yourself, for sure. It may make sense to your addiction screaming for its fix, but that's about it.
Is drinking going to get you in a better place financially to be able to take care of your animals? Or was drinking up 'till now, in fact, the reason you're in a position where you're pawning silver? And where's the money going to come from for booze, anyway? The silver? I thought that was for the animals.
I feel for you. Truly. Not only do you have a host of problems piled around you, you're also dealing with the painful emotions of the past that - in your early sobriety - seem too intense to bear. But the thing is - we all do. You may feel alone in your particular circumstance, but the details are really all that differ. Most if not all of us have gone through some serious **** in our lives. Most if not all of us have to face the harsh reality of the problems we've created for ourselves from the first day of sobriety. And yet, nearly every day I come on this site, I read of people who have suffered greatly - greater than me, for sure (greater than you?), but have come out on the other side with changed lives. They're happy. They're fixed. There's no reason you can't achieve the same.
You can choose to view this moment however you choose. Instead of allowing this act to crush you, you can take pride in the fact that you're doing what you have to do to care for your animals. Then when you come home, instead of drinking, you start working on a way to secure more money for your animals. You need to see this as what it is: The first step in solving your problems. And they can be solved, so long as you only bite off what you can chew at one time.
You can do this. Or you can choose to abandon both your animals and yourself. Your call. Personally - I view the act of pawning your mother's silver as a beautifully symbolic tribute to her. "On this day, I take what you've left me in memory, and use it to begin to heal the wounds of the past. To overcome the disease that you did not."
Is drinking going to get you in a better place financially to be able to take care of your animals? Or was drinking up 'till now, in fact, the reason you're in a position where you're pawning silver? And where's the money going to come from for booze, anyway? The silver? I thought that was for the animals.
I feel for you. Truly. Not only do you have a host of problems piled around you, you're also dealing with the painful emotions of the past that - in your early sobriety - seem too intense to bear. But the thing is - we all do. You may feel alone in your particular circumstance, but the details are really all that differ. Most if not all of us have gone through some serious **** in our lives. Most if not all of us have to face the harsh reality of the problems we've created for ourselves from the first day of sobriety. And yet, nearly every day I come on this site, I read of people who have suffered greatly - greater than me, for sure (greater than you?), but have come out on the other side with changed lives. They're happy. They're fixed. There's no reason you can't achieve the same.
You can choose to view this moment however you choose. Instead of allowing this act to crush you, you can take pride in the fact that you're doing what you have to do to care for your animals. Then when you come home, instead of drinking, you start working on a way to secure more money for your animals. You need to see this as what it is: The first step in solving your problems. And they can be solved, so long as you only bite off what you can chew at one time.
You can do this. Or you can choose to abandon both your animals and yourself. Your call. Personally - I view the act of pawning your mother's silver as a beautifully symbolic tribute to her. "On this day, I take what you've left me in memory, and use it to begin to heal the wounds of the past. To overcome the disease that you did not."
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Out west
Posts: 191
Initially I didn't understand what POS stood for, but it became crystal clear by the end. I can understand why you initially turned to alcohol, but if you continue to drink you'll continue to be a victim of your POS husband. Is that really a role you want to identify yourself with? Alcohol will not solve anything, but will continue to add to the destruction already consuming you. Your animals are blessed to have you.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I'm sorry you're going through so much, muffin. Your post took me back to when Hurricane Katrina damaged our house, tore out the electricity, etc.... It was hard. I would say, though, that alcohol did 1000 times the damage that Katrina did because it affected everything, including my spirit and will to live.
It takes time to get that back and right now you're feeling things you haven't felt in a l-o-n-g time and it makes you want to drink. That's what we do, right? The problem is what do we then do tomorrow? When does it end?
You got sober, which is an amazing thing and something your parents couldn't do for themselves. Try to just stay sober for today - for another hour or two. Think about how you'll feel in the morning if you get through this. Your greatest asset is yourself - you're an intelligent, caring person. Don't erase that person with alcohol. Be kind to yourself today - you're going through a lot emotionally. Keep talking to us and don't give in - tomorrow might just be a whole lot better......
It takes time to get that back and right now you're feeling things you haven't felt in a l-o-n-g time and it makes you want to drink. That's what we do, right? The problem is what do we then do tomorrow? When does it end?
You got sober, which is an amazing thing and something your parents couldn't do for themselves. Try to just stay sober for today - for another hour or two. Think about how you'll feel in the morning if you get through this. Your greatest asset is yourself - you're an intelligent, caring person. Don't erase that person with alcohol. Be kind to yourself today - you're going through a lot emotionally. Keep talking to us and don't give in - tomorrow might just be a whole lot better......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: FLorida
Posts: 53
Wow!! Thank you everybody. What tremendous advice. I love them all but Mx. Jax, Nonblondechef and Chicory were really special. Langkah, was a little tough.
I think being sober brings everything up front right in your face. That is the way I woke up this morning. I was so numb before, I guess on purpose, that I never felt or thought about all of that old stuff so much. All these emotions are just flooding my brain. It's painful.
Well, I went to two pawn shops and no money. Funny how life turns out. My Mother was trying to tell me something after all. The silver was silver plated and not worth anything. Ha, ha. It was humiliating and I felt like crying. I then stopped at a friends house to borrow $20.00 but he had 12 cents. So, I went home.
I do have a plan. Just have to wait awhile. I applied to SS disability 2 years ago and was just approved last week. So, I will start getting that soon with a little back pay. I want to open a pet boarding center at my house for a little extra income. Just 2 - 3 at a time. Also, I do plan on calling AA soon. I just wanted a little strength and belief in myself first. I think after 15 days I have that now.
So, I won't drink. This is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I would hate myself even more if I drank now.
Thank you all again for everything. If it was not for you guys I KNOW I wouldn't make it. I am on here for hours sometimes.
XX00
Muffin
I think being sober brings everything up front right in your face. That is the way I woke up this morning. I was so numb before, I guess on purpose, that I never felt or thought about all of that old stuff so much. All these emotions are just flooding my brain. It's painful.
Well, I went to two pawn shops and no money. Funny how life turns out. My Mother was trying to tell me something after all. The silver was silver plated and not worth anything. Ha, ha. It was humiliating and I felt like crying. I then stopped at a friends house to borrow $20.00 but he had 12 cents. So, I went home.
I do have a plan. Just have to wait awhile. I applied to SS disability 2 years ago and was just approved last week. So, I will start getting that soon with a little back pay. I want to open a pet boarding center at my house for a little extra income. Just 2 - 3 at a time. Also, I do plan on calling AA soon. I just wanted a little strength and belief in myself first. I think after 15 days I have that now.
So, I won't drink. This is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I would hate myself even more if I drank now.
Thank you all again for everything. If it was not for you guys I KNOW I wouldn't make it. I am on here for hours sometimes.
XX00
Muffin
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 174
That's great news, Muffin! Bummer on the silver - but think about what you just did! Not only did you overcome adversity, you bounced back with a stronger can-do attitude even after your situation got (temporarily) worse.
When you start to doubt yourself - just think about how much strength it took to do that. Don't short-change yourself. It took an incredible amount of strength to do that. Strength that you possess.
Try to remember that the next time you're in the dumps. All the things you mentioned above - all the hurdles you've had to face - and you're still pushing forward. Sober. That's hard-core. There's nothing you can't do, nothing you can't overcome, with that kind of heart. You're truly an inspiration. Thank you.
When you start to doubt yourself - just think about how much strength it took to do that. Don't short-change yourself. It took an incredible amount of strength to do that. Strength that you possess.
Try to remember that the next time you're in the dumps. All the things you mentioned above - all the hurdles you've had to face - and you're still pushing forward. Sober. That's hard-core. There's nothing you can't do, nothing you can't overcome, with that kind of heart. You're truly an inspiration. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
Muffin, I'm glad you decided to not drink. The first month or so being sober was an emotional rollercoaster. Things I had drank away for yrs resurfaced & man was it painful to have to "feel" & not numb myself. But you know what? I got through it. I'm working on resolving problems & heartache.
Just give yourself time to heal. Never give up. You are here for a reason. We care.
Just give yourself time to heal. Never give up. You are here for a reason. We care.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Good for you Muffin,
I like th pet boarding idea. I think animals being your greatest passion this is the best way to make some extra money. I am glad you are at least thinking about AA.
I became sober at 57, 10 months ago to this day and I feel my life has just begun.
I feel now that I have direction, purpose and meaning in life.
Iam so glad you are keeping close to this forum and sharing what is going on in your life.
love
CaiHong
I like th pet boarding idea. I think animals being your greatest passion this is the best way to make some extra money. I am glad you are at least thinking about AA.
I became sober at 57, 10 months ago to this day and I feel my life has just begun.
I feel now that I have direction, purpose and meaning in life.
Iam so glad you are keeping close to this forum and sharing what is going on in your life.
love
CaiHong
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: FLorida
Posts: 53
Thank you everyone...
You guys are such an inspiration to me. I'm overwhelmed right now. Thank God you are all here and so supportive.
I'm so glad today is almost over.
I just wish I could quit eating chocolate now. I never ate chocolate when I was drinking. I'm not going to worry about that. It was kind of a joke.
Nighty night everyone and thank you again.
XX00
Muffin
I'm so glad today is almost over.
I just wish I could quit eating chocolate now. I never ate chocolate when I was drinking. I'm not going to worry about that. It was kind of a joke.
Nighty night everyone and thank you again.
XX00
Muffin
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Muffin - wow - I just read your thread for the first time today. I went from tears to smiling - I really didn't think you'd respond the way you did. I'm so happy to read that you're going to stick with it and get well.
I'm 'older'
too - and it is worth it, muffin. You'll feel so much better about everything when you have a clear head to deal with things. Drinking only numbs us temporarily, nothing changes - we just postpone taking action. It sounds like you have a good plan after all, and we all know you can do this!
I'm 'older'
too - and it is worth it, muffin. You'll feel so much better about everything when you have a clear head to deal with things. Drinking only numbs us temporarily, nothing changes - we just postpone taking action. It sounds like you have a good plan after all, and we all know you can do this!
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