mich0201

I am in a not so good place today. I feel like I can use in moderation and be ok. The thing is, I have been down that road before and it only ended bad, so why do I think this way. I feel like I am jumping out of my skin, the inside is moving faster than the outside. I am not sure how to get out of this. I am obsessing over using. I can actually feel what that instant feeling of being able to breathe for once, I remember and I want it back. It is a rough day.

BillyPilgrim

Mich
It is white knuckle the first few days, it is also worth riding that white knuckle ride, you come out clean at the end, and it is the start of your recovery.
Keep posting, you can do it.

johnny2times

slow down mich, try some relaxing techniques/meditation to deal with the obsessing...and always remember ..it WILL pass...no craving lasts for more than 20mins at a time...you can sit with that cant you? its only 20mins then you'll feel ok again

WhySoSerious

i understand what you are going through. Believe me, i've been right there... those false dreams of being able to control it are leaving my brain finally. Every time i think i can control this, i end up losing... horribly.

sugarbear1

"I talk to my sponsor everyday. I have an addiction's counselor. I go to meetings and when I need support I call someone. I call three women per day besides my sponsor. I did relapse, I had 22 months before this time around. I was really hating myself for that but my counselor and sponsor said those feelings of guilt and shame would take me right back out, again. I try my best to stay in today and not live in the past or dwell on fears about the future. Things have come up over the passed few weeks and I have not relapsed over any of it. I am confident but I don't want to be complacent. My sponsor taught me that complacency is one of the enemies of recovery." ~mich0201

Those are your words. Time to pick up that phone and talk to some of these people. Can you get to a meeting? Say a prayer? Read the big book? Listen to a speaker tape?

Getting through this time is crucial. That voice is telling you that a drink will help, but we know it doesn't, not for us.

I know where you are, but if you move into action, you can make it through this.
Big hugs & Love sent your way,

strawberrygirl

Hey Mich - hope things are going better for you as the day goes on. Just remember what you already said and know: "I feel like I can use in moderation and be ok. The thing is, I have been down that road before and it only ended bad." Be good to yourself today.

DietCokePlease

Hopefully things are getting better as you watch the time pass by. I am now 3 days sober and completely addicted to M&Ms (finished 3 huge bags already) and have played so many video games on a sugar high its crazy. But hey...I'm hanging in there. I will take addiction to M&Ms over addiction to alcohol any day!!! Here's hoping you're hanging in there *eats another handful of M&Ms*

Dee74

The first few days are definitely not easy...but if you hold the line and keep to your commitment not to drink things will get easier, if my experience is any guide.

Keep yourself plugged in here as much as you need to - and if you have a 'real life' support network use that too - you can do this Mich

D