need to know it gets better
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Midwest
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need to know it gets better
I haven't been drinking, but my back up plan for the last 15 years has been that if things get "that bad" I can always end my life. To be clear, I don't feel suicidal right now, but I'm sort of shocked to realize that my "back up plan" is still very much a part of my mentality. It gives me comfort, as sad as that may seem. I just feel so low right now... so hopeless. I know tomorrow I'll probably wake up feeling good, as I do so many days now. But right now I just feel like I've messed everything up for good. My marriage, my son, my own life... it all seems like too much. Not sure what response I want from this...just felt the need to get it out. Sorry to bring you all down.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Midwest
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Yes, I've been in therapy for awhile now. Although, to be fair, I have a VERY hard time being honest with my therapist (and myself!) I tend to downplay things because I can't imagine that anyone is interested in me or my problems. (which is a problem in and of itself!)
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,573
I was suicidal for a while in my 20s. Very few days go past without me realising what I would have missed had I made different decisions back then.
Instead I got some help.
I know you're not in danger...but I just wanted to add I know it's hard but please don't just judge your future by how you feel right now.
Things can and do change
D
Instead I got some help.
I know you're not in danger...but I just wanted to add I know it's hard but please don't just judge your future by how you feel right now.
Things can and do change
D
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Therapy is great.......but it's not necessarily a solution to alcoholism. Maybe it's time to incorporate recovery from alcoholism into your routine? AA is chock full of folks who've recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body and they're usually more than excited to share what worked for them with you.........
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My therapist is a good one and is one who specializes in addiction. The problem lies with me... I find it hard to open up. Even on SR (which I love!) I find myself not posting things I want to because I feel like nobody would want to hear it. The problem is ME...and possibly a fear of rejection?
Thank you, Dee, for your words. I always take something away from what you post, whether it's on my thread or someone elses. And I'm trying to take that "leap of faith" you posted to me about earlier. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to give up but then I thought about that. I'm still trying to do that. I know that how I'm feeling right now doesn't reflect the future, but it's so hard when it's this painful. Sometimes I just want to disappear.
Thank you, Dee, for your words. I always take something away from what you post, whether it's on my thread or someone elses. And I'm trying to take that "leap of faith" you posted to me about earlier. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to give up but then I thought about that. I'm still trying to do that. I know that how I'm feeling right now doesn't reflect the future, but it's so hard when it's this painful. Sometimes I just want to disappear.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Saphira,
what you wrote made me think about how much we allow ourselves. "to open up" . I think that you writing about how you are feeling is a beginning to that process.
You have the luxury of a therapist, someone whose vocation is to listen and guide that person. Take full advantage of that.
CaiHong
what you wrote made me think about how much we allow ourselves. "to open up" . I think that you writing about how you are feeling is a beginning to that process.
You have the luxury of a therapist, someone whose vocation is to listen and guide that person. Take full advantage of that.
CaiHong
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 471
Originally Posted by CaiHong 
Hi Saphira,
what you wrote made me think about how much we allow ourselves. "to open up" . I think that you writing about how you are feeling is a beginning to that process.
You have the luxury of a therapist, someone whose vocation is to listen and guide that person. Take full advantage of that.
CaiHong
what you wrote made me think about how much we allow ourselves. "to open up" . I think that you writing about how you are feeling is a beginning to that process.
You have the luxury of a therapist, someone whose vocation is to listen and guide that person. Take full advantage of that.
CaiHong
Dee... I have no words. You make me feel more loved than all the "real" people in my life. Saying thank you is so insufficient, but "thank you".
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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My husband just told me what he really thinks of me. Didn't think I could go lower but right now I'm feeling like the scum of the Earth. WTF? Usually it's awesome being sober but right now it kind of sucks. Usually I would numb all of this out.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,573
I had a couple of those conversations too...it hurt.
It took a little time, but I got my reputation and peoples trust and good will in me back.
Back to that faith thing Saphira....have faith that, if you do the right thing, things will turn out....
hang in there
D
It took a little time, but I got my reputation and peoples trust and good will in me back.
Back to that faith thing Saphira....have faith that, if you do the right thing, things will turn out....
hang in there
D
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
Going on what Dee said -- There's a lot of people here who understand exactly how you feel. Nobody here is paid to listen to you. We're here because we are all linked by the same struggle We are always here to listen if you feel it might be time to start opening up. You're among friends... people who understand and truly care about you.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Originally Posted by DayTrader
Therapy is great.......but it's not necessarily a solution to alcoholism. Maybe it's time to incorporate recovery from alcoholism into your routine? AA is chock full of folks who've recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body and they're usually more than excited to share what worked for them with you.........
saphira...You mention getting honest with yourself...I think that was my biggest problem...I lied about my drinking problem to everyone and it just kept making it worse. I was beaten and I knew I had to try something. I prayed...I asked God for help...And I wasn't a praying man.....I had just run out of options. I ended up in a rehab because I knew I couldn't detox safely and so did everyone else....I was introduced to AA there...Some lady saw the desperation in my face and asked if I wanted to go to a meeting with her. I had nothing left to lose. I went...I listened...I saw people like me...Getting better...For the first time in a very long time...I felt hope. It's an amazing feeling...If you don't have any. I continued to go and when I was leaving rehab this lady that worked there said.."Go to this meeting...It's near where you live." And I did....And I felt like I was at home....The more I went...The more I liked these people...The more I liked myself. The more hope I got. I had to have courage and I had to get brutally honest with myself....Not easy for a lying drunken coward...I don't know how...I found the courage somewhere...I have an idea where...A real good idea.
I had my last drink 8 months ago yesterday...My life has completely changed...I feel good about myself and I care about others...I do the right thing and I'm honest with people.....I love life....And I couldn't have done it without AA, those 12 steps and asking what I call God...For help.....You probably think this sounds like some kind of miracle saphira.....I can only tell you that it is...And you can have it too...If you want it.
So to answer your question...You need to know it gets better?...It can...All you have to do is ask for help...My prayers are with you saphira...You can do this too. Life is amazing without alcohol...And you can have that.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: 0akland, ca
Posts: 4
Yes, it definitely gets better. and then it doesn't change and then it gets better and then it gets worse. I'm BP and have been suicidal since I was 16. I've lived with severe depression while on meds. I have learned alot about my diseases: alcohol, drug addition, ADD and manic depression. I know when I feel down, I have to get out and see a friend, or work on a hobby or take a walk AND ESPECIALLY GO TO A MEETING! That;s what really does the trick. I may still be down, but I've come up a notch on the ladder!
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Glad you're feeling better. Seems you need more relief than you've been getting, and I'd hate to think the next time this happens you might take your other option.
More help or better help is indicated. You've been sober a few months and without booze and zero effective answer to how to do life sober these feelings are common among alcoholics, and unfortunately some act on them thinking their other options are nil.
A little cheap relief here on a spot basis isn't likely to be good enough. You may not have to get drunk again if you secure more help for yourself.
More help or better help is indicated. You've been sober a few months and without booze and zero effective answer to how to do life sober these feelings are common among alcoholics, and unfortunately some act on them thinking their other options are nil.
A little cheap relief here on a spot basis isn't likely to be good enough. You may not have to get drunk again if you secure more help for yourself.
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